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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don’t think IABU but DP does. You decide.

88 replies

GlassHalfFullOfWee · 06/02/2018 11:40

I don’t want to give too many details but quick straw poll:

When FaceTiming with someone, is it reasonable to turn the phone round onto your partner without warning and insist they participate in your conversation?

And a second part to that question: is it reasonable to throw a strop if your partner says they’d prefer it if you didn’t do that?

Opening it up to the floor....

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 06/02/2018 13:01

I hate this almost as much as I hate people I’m having a phone conversation with, suddenly passing the phone to their small, inarticulate children for no reason other than they mistakenly think it will be nice or cute. Most small children are hopeless on the phone so
you just get the sound of phlegmy breathing in your ear in return for your hasty channelling of CBeebies presenter in attempting conversation.
.

Loyaultemelie · 06/02/2018 13:23

FaceTime in general is completely unreasonable I hate it Blush I cannot manage a sensible conversation on it at all.
Thankfully DH is a technophobe and can barely make a phonecall although he has a bad habit of telling people to talk to me when he wanders in and I have no idea if it's someone official or his cousin.

Sparkletastic · 06/02/2018 13:29

No and no.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 06/02/2018 15:26

Ah okay.

Well in that case; it's tough to call. He wasn't necessarily unreasonable to invite you to be part of the call, but it'd be unreasonable to try and force you to be once he knew you didn't want too. And it'd be unreasonable to sulk or strop; but you would be justified to ask him not to do that again.

RadioGaGoo · 06/02/2018 15:29

Wasn't there a post about this recently where the OP turned the phone of her mother in Mothercare to her DH playing a computer game. Is this the same thing still?

BarbarianMum · 06/02/2018 15:29

Is "having a strop" code for getting angry/upset if your partner totally ignores your wishes by any chance?

Rewn7 · 06/02/2018 15:33

Both No.

I hate suddenly being dragged into another persons call without warning. Especially FaceTime.

And having a strop because I object to it is also out of order and I wouldn’t put up with it.

Whambamtama · 16/01/2019 11:02

Fuck facetime. I leave the room if my other half starts with that shit. And unsolicited FaceTime calls to me can gtfo.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/01/2019 11:50

"When FaceTiming with someone, is it reasonable to turn the phone round onto your partner without warning and insist they participate in your conversation?"

It depends. The first time it is done, it may not be totally unreasonable - for example, dh and I usually talk to the dses, or his brother or dad on speaker phone, and both join in the conversations, so, if one of us was face-timing, it would feel natural to include the other in the conversation by turning the phone to them. And if you don't know ahead of time that the other person doesn't want to suddenly find themselves facetiming someone else, it may not be entirely unreasonable to do it.

If the other person is not 'camera ready', or if you know they aren't keen on face timing, then it would be unreasonable to do it even once. And if you do it once, and they say 'please don't do that again' it would be very unreasonable to ignore this request.

"And a second part to that question: is it reasonable to throw a strop if your partner says they’d prefer it if you didn’t do that?"

No, it is entirely unreasonable to throw a strop/become angry/sulk because someone else doesn't want to find themselves face timing with no warning. Frankly, it is not reasonable for an adult to throw a strop over any reasonable request from their nearest and dearest - though it is not unreasonable to expect such a request to be made politely.

Breakawaygirl · 16/01/2019 11:52

I wouldn't like being put on facetime without being asked. I might be busy, in a bad mood or not fancy stopping to talk to someone who my partner is talking to, not me.

RiverTam · 16/01/2019 11:53

no, it isn't. MIL does this, decides to Skype a member of the family and then bring the ipad into the living room where me and DH are reading the papers and insist we chat to X. (she is lovely so we put up with this but it's v annoying!!)

Firesuit · 16/01/2019 13:05

I don't like talking on the phone, I would want to punch someone for just passing a phone to me. A video call would be even worse.

DonCorleoneTheThird · 16/01/2019 13:15

If it's a child of yours, it's ok.
Anyone else, no.

sleeplessinsomewhere · 16/01/2019 13:31

ZOMBIE THREAD

I imagine the call hasn't lasted for 11 months Smile

elfyears · 16/01/2019 13:34

DP does this to me all the time.
He has relatives in Australia so it's a weekly FaceTime to catch up. I have no problem being on camera, but please let me at least have had chance to have a coffee, change out of my PJs and brush my hair before being exposed to the other side of the world to people I have met once.

SheldonTheWonderShlong · 16/01/2019 13:35

I think it can be very intrusive. It depends really. I would always be happy to speak to my child/mum but might not feel like engaging with my sister in law/barry from work at 8pm when I'm in my dressing gown.

I think you should respect the wishes of the person. Throwing a strop is unreasonable unless you have done it countless times after being told not to. If it's you throwing the strop yabu and to respect people's privacy.

RagingWhoreBag · 16/01/2019 13:55

Oh god I hate this! Was FTing with DP the other day. He is away for work in another country and spun me round to say hello to his colleague who arrived in the middle of our chat. I didn't have any make-up on and wasn't prepared for a convo with anyone else (I'm an introvert and hate phones at the best of times, let alone when I have to speak to someone I wasn't even calling!) so I waved and quickly said "I'll leave you to it then!" and ended the chat.

I hate that with FT I have to listen to both sides of his conversation with other people too. When its just a phone call and you only hear half of it, its easier to tune out.

For me a phone call is a private thing, I will always take my phone/ipad elsewhere if there are people in the room, wouldn't dream of conducting a full conversation with someone else there. Just a quick chat then fine, but if it goes beyond that, I'd rather be on my own.

DP does it in the car too, has chats on loudspeaker and says "I'm in the car with Raging, say hello!" whereas I'd happily just sit silently and pretend I'm not there! He just doesn't get it, as he's always on the phone to everyone, can't understand just how intrusive some of us find it.

The only time it's acceptable for him to spin me round on FT is when he takes me shopping - I'm sat in my PJs and he walks me round a department store while he's away on his travels, showing me all the clothes and bags etc so I can choose one for him to bring me home!

PonyPals · 16/01/2019 14:16

Why is the Zombie thread resurrected? Are we running out of things to say??

CrazySheepLady · 16/01/2019 14:49

I think it's unfair and unreasonable to turn the phone round and force someone to participate in a conversation. If someone has already said they dislike this, but the other keeps on trying to force the situation, a telling off is only to be expected.

Allthewaves · 16/01/2019 14:54

I hate it. Dp does it. When he's ft I disappear to the toilet

Justkeeepsmiling · 16/01/2019 15:00

I hate it when done to me, I probably wouldn't strop though, I would just say hello through gritted teeth then moan afterwards

badlydrawnperson · 16/01/2019 15:03

No and No

I hate being roped into factime unexpectedly.

IsItThatTimeAgain · 16/01/2019 15:07

No and no.

Purplecatshopaholic · 16/01/2019 15:24

Why would this be an issue? Genuine question

Consolidatedyourloins · 16/01/2019 16:03

@Winteriscoming18

You already posted about this and the outcome was you were unreasonable to expect your dp to be engage in FaceTime whilst your mother was stood in mothercare FaceTiming when the call was directly to you and he was playing a game.

It's pretty obvious OP is not the one expecting dp to FaceTime.

Zombie I know but this arrogant assumption that they know OP already posted this before is annoying.