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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don’t think IABU but DP does. You decide.

88 replies

GlassHalfFullOfWee · 06/02/2018 11:40

I don’t want to give too many details but quick straw poll:

When FaceTiming with someone, is it reasonable to turn the phone round onto your partner without warning and insist they participate in your conversation?

And a second part to that question: is it reasonable to throw a strop if your partner says they’d prefer it if you didn’t do that?

Opening it up to the floor....

OP posts:
OpheliaLeghorn · 06/02/2018 12:05

When FaceTiming with someone, is it reasonable to turn the phone round onto your partner without warning and insist they participate in your conversation?

No

is it reasonable to throw a strop if your partner says they’d prefer it if you didn’t do that?

Throw a strop? Oh, honestly. Are we talking about partners or toddlers?

Winteriscoming18 · 06/02/2018 12:06

You already posted about this and the outcome was you were unreasonable to expect your dp to be engage in FaceTime whilst your mother was stood in mothercare FaceTiming when the call was directly to you and he was playing a game.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 06/02/2018 12:07

If someone's on facetime or a video call while i'm in the room, i'm bolted to my seat and constantly worried about line of sight of the camera. If someone actually co-opted me into their black mirror-style hell, I would be the one throwing a strop. But not until the device had been turned off. And possibly incinerated. But my strops are me saying 'please don't do that again' so not a big deal. If strops involve shouting and intimidating people they're not on.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 06/02/2018 12:07

You already posted about this and the outcome was you were unreasonable to expect your dp to be engage in FaceTime whilst your mother was stood in mothercare FaceTiming when the call was directly to you and he was playing a game.

If this is true; you were entirely unreasonable.

maddiemookins16mum · 06/02/2018 12:09

I'd hate it (but then again I'm an old gimmer and have never Faketimed, whatever that is).
It feels like when I was a teen and my mum would be mid conversation on the phone with an aged aunt (who I loved really) and she'd say 'oh Maddie is here, come and talk to Aunt Ethel (not real name)', I really didn't want to (during TOTP or Highway to Heaven).

Original poster
GlassHalfFullOfWee · 06/02/2018 12:10

You already posted about this and the outcome was you were unreasonable to expect your dp to be engage in FaceTime whilst your mother was stood in mothercare FaceTiming when the call was directly to you and he was playing a game.

I promise that wasn’t me.

I am the person minding their own business in this scenario. DP is the FaceTimer springing me unawares.

OP posts:
Original poster
GlassHalfFullOfWee · 06/02/2018 12:13

It feels like when I was a teen and my mum would be mid conversation on the phone with an aged aunt (who I loved really) and she'd say 'oh Maddie is here, come and talk to Aunt Ethel (not real name)', I really didn't want to (during TOTP or Highway to Heaven

Yes. I used to hate this too! My mum would always drag me away from whatever I was doing to make me speak to my nana. And I love my nana, but I used to hate being forced to talk. It was always super awkward because I was never in the right mood.

Do you think there are two types of people: those who can happily drop whatever they’re in the middle of to have spontaneous conversations, even if they are in their PJs with no make up on; and those who can’t??

OP posts:
Lethaldrizzle · 06/02/2018 12:14

No it's a horrible thing to do. My home is private.

Shadow666 · 06/02/2018 12:19

Who was he FaceTiming?

Quite often when I’m Skyping my parents, halfway through the conversation my mum will ask my dad to talk to me for a bit as she needs the toilet. I don’t think it’s a big deal.

I think it’s obvious you’re annoyed but I’d like to hear more details.

steppemum · 06/02/2018 12:19

I can't see the issue with turning the phone round, but I would be expecting it to be a wave and a hi, or something, not a full on participation in the conversation. I would also expect the person holding the phone to be aware if this was good timing, eg sitting wrapped in bathrobe and hair in a towel, probably not.

Throwing a strop is never ok. In this case it sounds as if it was for the benefit of the person at the other end. Politely say 'Oh never mind, she's in the middle of something' and then talk to them after wards about it, if it is an issue.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/02/2018 12:20

No and no.

Hate facetime!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 06/02/2018 12:21

I think if it’s just a quick hi and a wave then it’s fine although I’d prefer not to.

I don’t like it when I’m forced into conversation with someone I don’t want to speak to, have nothing to say to, am looking like shit, or am just doing something else!

poddige · 06/02/2018 12:23

@Lethaldrizzle I've been trying to work out why I detest FaceTime so much - and that's exactly it!

I'm very sociable (on my own terms) but loathe FaceTime and DHs family will FaceTime as standard communication and I just cannot get onboard with it. I genuinely love them all and enjoy a good chat, but in my house, in PJs, trying to angle so I don't have a double chin? No thanks.

BrandNewHouse · 06/02/2018 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MysweetAudrina · 06/02/2018 12:23

I hate when my dh is on the phone and tries to engage me with conversation or worse when he is on the phone to me and starts having a conversation with someone else wherever he is. I just hang up. If he turned a camera on my I would tell him to fuck off.

Ragwort · 06/02/2018 12:25

No and No.

But then I have never Face timed in my life so wouldn't know/understand what the etiquette is. I can manage quite happily without Face Time don;t really know what it is, prefer an old fashioned phone conversation. Grin.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/02/2018 12:25
  1. No - it's invasive. I hate FT and never use it - I'm self conscious enough on the phone anyway without inflicting my ugly mug on someone.
  1. No. If the person holding the phone throws a strop they are being very unreasonable.
newyearsameme80 · 06/02/2018 12:33

My mil would never FaceTime, and more so would never do it without a full face of make up and I would feel much the same. It’s an invasion of your privacy if you weren’t expecting it and didn’t want it.
Loved Highway to Heaven by the way, that takes me back.

sallyarmy1 · 06/02/2018 12:39

Children come to mind......

How about just growing up a tad and focussing on the real problems in your relationship?

HellonHeels · 06/02/2018 12:42

The phone holding facetimer is a twat in this instance.

I detest facetime/skype etc. and will only do it if I have to eg for work.

Idontevencareanymore · 06/02/2018 12:45

No its not OK to just insist I partake in a video conversation and it's really not OK to throw a tantrum when you disrespect my choices and do it anyway.

You'd be clearly told to eff the effing heck off and grow up.

So nope.

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 06/02/2018 12:55

No and no

Original poster
GlassHalfFullOfWee · 06/02/2018 12:55

*Children come to mind......

How about just growing up a tad and focussing on the real problems in your relationship*

Lol okay. Luckily I don’t have any real problems in my relationship. But thanks.

OP posts:
teaandtoast · 06/02/2018 12:57

No and no.

alphajuliet123 · 06/02/2018 12:58

Urgh, I HATE Facetime with a passion. After seeing way too much of our parents double chins and nostrils I deactivated it. They now have to contact me first to use it, make an appointment basically (!), and then only if it's to speak to the kids.

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