Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not take my dd to church

81 replies

muttmad · 05/02/2018 11:12

Inspired by another thread, i realised i have the opposite problem, since starting school, my daughter has been introduced to religion, its not a faith school but they do the daily act of worship thing and have learnt about god and Jesus etc, my DD has several times asked why we don't go to church and has asked for me to take her.... AIBU to not go? Im a non believer and look forward to a quiet day on a Sunday, lie in, spending time with the kids, walking the dogs etc i really don't want to be getting up early, dressing up and sitting in a cold church.
I know she should be able to make her own mind up about religion and I've resisted the temptation to tell her what i really think but should i suck it up and take her or just explain that mummy doesn't believe in that sort of thing and its a load of bollocks so i don't want to go!

OP posts:
BillywigSting · 05/02/2018 11:17

Could you take her once or twice? How old is she?

I'm a seriously lapsed Catholic and didn't send ds to a faith school purposefully so he could learn about a broad spectrum of religions. He'll get a healthy dose of atheism/agnosticism at home so hopefully will be fairly balanced but he if asked to go to church (or a mosque, temple or synagogue for that matter) I'd take him.

Might have a word with the vicar/priest/etc first though about my utter lack of faith.

Sirzy · 05/02/2018 11:19

Can you not agree to take her once a month until she is old enough to go alone?

Original poster
muttmad · 05/02/2018 11:22

I did take her to the school christmas carol concert at the local church.... it wasn't awful, i enjoyed watching the kids having a sing song, but the idea of a normal service full of prayers etc makes me feel uncomfortable. The school is lovely but for a non faith school does seem quiet heavy on the christian ethos. Shes 5.

OP posts:
Seeline · 05/02/2018 11:23

Most churches have a special family service once a month - check out the websites for your local ones and see if there is one that might fit. If she is genuinely interested I would try to go a couple of times just so she could see what happens.
Oh - and you don't have to dress up to go to church!

FissionChips · 05/02/2018 11:24

A lot of churches have a children’s service once a month with games and craft, no big sermon.
Would that be something you do be comfortable with?

ReanimatedSGB · 05/02/2018 11:25

Take her a couple of times - she'll soon get bored with it. (Perhaps ask round locally to find a particularly boring vicar.)

It's definitely annoying when a non-faith school starts pushing too much superstition on kids, so I know where you're coming from. I'd just cheerfully undermine it, tell her about various mythologies and how there are lots of different ones, which are all a bit silly really...

RemainOptimistic · 05/02/2018 11:26

Look for an evangelical family friendly church in a modern building.

My church is never cold and I don't dress up Wink

Original poster
muttmad · 05/02/2018 11:26

Oh dear i was hoping for a load of replies to say that i'm not being unreasonable ..... I'm going to have to do this aren't i!

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 05/02/2018 11:27

I wouldn't, I'd let her go herself when she's old enough if that's what she wants to do but I'd want no part in bringing her to the brain washing ceremonies

Hillarious · 05/02/2018 11:27

Our local church's services start at 10.00 am, so that's not really early. Plus, you don't have to get dressed up. Took my children to Sunday School. They had fun, enjoyed it, had friends from school there and made new friends. We don't go regularly any more, but they are now in a position to make up their own minds and make informed decisions on that front. At the end of the day, we are Christians and celebrate Christmas and Easter, so accessing further knowledge and understanding of the Church of England has been good for them.

Also, the church has good underfloor heating.

Rockmeamaryllis · 05/02/2018 11:28

Do you have any friends who are church goers? Perhaps they wouldn't mind taking her?

austenozzy · 05/02/2018 11:29

Don’t go. Present secular counter points to the superstition she’s getting at school. If she still believes when she’s old enough to take herself, then so be it.

My Dd is at a c of e primary but isn’t much bothered by the god stuff. We usually do the ‘some people believe...’ thingt to present different ideas while trying not to say ‘god doesn’t exist’. Tbf, they learn about other religions there too, it’s not too bad.

Trinity66 · 05/02/2018 11:29

Our local church's services start at 10.00 am, so that's not really early

That's pretty early

noeffingidea · 05/02/2018 11:29

I'd just tell her she can go when she's old enough to go on her own if you really don't want to go yourself. She'll probably have grown out of it by then. My eldest son asked me to take him to church when he was about 7 and I just made excuses until he forgot about it.

Flisspaps · 05/02/2018 11:30

YANBU.

If she wants to go, she can take herself when she's old enough to go alone.

RueDeWakening · 05/02/2018 11:30

Find a local Rainbow unit that does church parades and send her to those - my unit does, 8 times a year, as a thank you to the church for letting us use their hall free of charge. In fact we went yesterday, I had 2 Rainbows turn up :o

WhataMistakeaToMakea · 05/02/2018 11:31

Nope I wouldnt take her. I don't like that non faith schools push religion.

WunWegWunDarWun · 05/02/2018 11:32

I've not seen the other thread, but can't you just tell her you don't believe in God and that's why you don't go?

lurkingnotlurking · 05/02/2018 11:34

I'm an atheist. Have absolutely no interest in introducing my children to religion. They can be indoctrinated elsewhere and I'll answer honestly : I don't believe in a god.

x2boys · 05/02/2018 11:34

Your daughter asks to go ? My son goes to a catholic school as did in My son never asks to go and even though I as taken to church regularly as a child its not something I ever asked I go to Hmm

JassyRadlett · 05/02/2018 11:35

Can you not agree to take her once a month until she is old enough to go alone?

I’m not sure that’s reasonable - if OP were a different faith and her daughter wanted to go to a Christian church as a result of teaching at school, I don’t think that would be suggested.

It sounds like she’s getting lots of collective worship at school; taking her to church would further promote Christianity to her as the ‘norm’, rather than giving her a more level playing field (that also features her family’s beliefs and values) and letting her make up her own mind independently.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 05/02/2018 11:38

YANBU at all. I really dislike the imposition of religion via school. I feel the choice to raise a child in a religion is a personal matter, for the parents to decide.
I wouldn't take mine to church. I explained that different people believe different things, that there is no proof either way to say who is right. What I dislike about school religion is them exposing kids to people who talk about God like it is incontrovertible fact, rather than a matter of faith.

Original poster
muttmad · 05/02/2018 11:38

Phew I'm glad I'm not the only one who wouldn't do it, shes quiet switched on for a five year old, but very impressionable and believes everything shes told, i don't want to be the one to tell her that shes might have been lied to but at the same time i don't want to outright tell her what to believe or not believe.
I was airing towards ignoring the situation but now some are saying i should take her once or twice to see what its all about I'm not do sure, trouble is i know her and if its fun she will deffo want to make it a regular thing!

OP posts:
MarklahMarklah · 05/02/2018 11:38

My DD goes to a non-faith school which occasionally has outbreaks of ardent Christianity (prayers, vicar visiting, carols at church), but they do teach about other faiths.
She's asked me why we don't go to church and I have told her why. If she wants to go, she can go with a friend, but so far, she's not been that bothered. I wouldn't go, even if she wanted to. To me it would be hypocritical.
Plenty of time for her to decide what to do as she gets older.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 05/02/2018 11:38

I know she should be able to make her own mind up about religion and I've resisted the temptation to tell her what i really think

Surely for her to be able to make up her own mind she needs both sides of the story? Shouldn’t you be allowing her to have robust debates about this by sharing your views in a non-judgemental way?

At the moment she’s getting religion forced on her in an educational setting which is very misleading as it will be presented as fact. The main issue with that is a whole other thread but the point is that the only way she could fairly have the opportunity to make her own mind up about this stuff is for her to spend an equal amount of time in an educational setting that tells her religion is, as you put it, a load of bollocks.

As her mother, you need to provide her with actual solid facts, educate her about the real word, and no, don’t take her to church where the balance will be shifted even further in favour of utter nonsense. I would go so far as to pull her out if the school, but that’s just me.

She cannot make her own mind up if she doesn’t have all the necessary information. Provide it for her.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread