Not take my dd to church

[muttmad]

Inspired by another thread, i realised i have the opposite problem, since starting school, my daughter has been introduced to religion, its not a faith school but they do the daily act of worship thing and have learnt about god and Jesus etc, my DD has several times asked why we don't go to church and has asked for me to take her.... AIBU to not go? Im a non believer and look forward to a quiet day on a Sunday, lie in, spending time with the kids, walking the dogs etc i really don't want to be getting up early, dressing up and sitting in a cold church.
I know she should be able to make her own mind up about religion and I've resisted the temptation to tell her what i really think but should i suck it up and take her or just explain that mummy doesn't believe in that sort of thing and its a load of bollocks so i don't want to go!

Could you maybe take her round your local church when there isn't a service in progress? That might be enough to assuage her curiosity.

I think you can be quite open if she is questioning this stuff. We told our kids when they were small that we didn't believe but that many others did. They needed to respect the rights of others to believe in their chosen faith and to understand that it's a big part of some people's way of life.

We also suggested that if they did believe in god, did they not think god would listen to them directly? Why do they need someone in fancy dress to intermediate? Didn't quite phrase it like that obviously.

Can't you just tell her 'Mummy believes that there isn't a god but other people believe x, y and z. Nobody really knows who is right and it is up to you to make your own decision when you are a bit older'? I mean, none of that is untrue and there is no reason why she should not know that some people are believers and some not.

I don't really get the "I'll let them make up their own mind" thing tbh.

Do you let them make their own mind up on whether 2 and 2 = 4 or whether the earth is round or flat?

I'd stick with, "some people believe in x but I don't so it wouldn't be right for me to pretend that I do" and if she still wants to go, try and find someone else to take her or just say "No"

Hi, I would take the opportunity to present alternative ideas to her.
First off tell her what you believe.
Get her to the space center, discuss the Big Bang etc.
Then together make a list of all the world religions there have ever been.
Read creation myths from around the world.
Only then can she decide what she believes.

Do you let them make their own mind up on whether 2 and 2 = 4 or whether the earth is round or flat?

By that I meant when they have all the facts, what I believe and what others believe etc I've already said to my kids, I don't believe any of it is true but some people do and they can make up their own minds (neither of them believe either)

OP, you could trying taking her to a Messy Church (google for your local one). Its an informal crafts and cake type thing.

Tell her honestly that you don't believe in it, but lots of people do and that's ok. That's important.

But, really, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. She would probably find a regular church service quite boring. Seems odd to do a 'daily act of worship' in a non faith school, unless they rotate and give them a taste of different religions/ideas.... which sounds crackers to me.

You've said you've told her that there are many religions, but have you also told her that many people don't believe in any religion at all, and that you don't go to church because you don't believe in a religion? If not then I think you should, just so that she understands that that is an option too.

Personally I'd find the prospect of messy church even less appealing than a mass. I don't agree with the religion in by the back door approach - it's no different than bribing them wth cake.

That's what I mean Trinity, as in make it clear what the actual facts are and tell them that you don't believe but make them aware that some people choose to believe. Don't just leave schools/churches/assorted nut jobs to fill in the blanks and present things they choose to believe as fact. It's not facts and shouldn't be presented as such.

I understand reasons why people might choose to believe and I respect that but I would be explaining that rather than leaving them to make up their own mind if that makes sense. If they want to go to religion that's fine but they need to understand that it's about faith not fact.

I am a Humanist and have been since I was old enough to give it any thought. My parents were religious and I attended Church as a child until old enough to opt out (around 13 or 14 I think - I stayed home on Sunday morning). My daughter attends a Faith school because it is a nice school with good ratings and I don't think a bit of in-school praying will do her too much harm (they do plenty of it in a non-Faith school oddly enough). She goes to church with school and I attend the once a term parental church services - e.g. the harvest concert. I wouldn't take her to church on Sunday. It is family time for us. Once she gets old enough to take herself I'd support her in providing transport but I wouldn't attend.

As far as I am concerned until early teens they are too young to know what they believe and so I'd say she has to join in with what we do as a family. My daughter knows I don't believe in god (I refused to say grace before our meals like they do in school) and that I don't mind what she believes. She is 7, it isn't a common topic of discussion and her rampant evangelism has calmed down a bit now!

I would not take my dc to church. I feel very strongly about it.

Would you take her to worship in any religious building, other than a church, if she asked?

As a kid I really wanted to go to church as my friends did, my mum didn’t go but we had a neighbour who did so I went with her and her children a few times. Then I went to Sunday School, the church didn’t push anything on us it was more ‘life lessons’ and it was fun. Later I went to Brownies. Then I grew out of the whole thing.
I’ll also add they noticed we were a single parent family and always offered my mum help when needed. So they followed the life lessons they taught us as kids. I will say I love Midnight Mass as a whole event but I’m no religion but I do love Día de Muertos aka Day of The Dead.
Maybe find a friend who goes? I also went to a church with my school friend and it was like something out of the Blue Brothers with everyone up and dancing (Lots of dents in the floor from the women dancing in heels)

When I went as a child we only ever stayed in the Chapel for the first 15 minutes or so and then go over to "Sunday School". Just drawing, singing, activities etc. Nothing too over the top for children. If your local church does something like that you could drop her off and pick her up later if you thought it was suitable. We also had a kids club once a week. Again that was just fun activities. You weren't "brain washed" as people put it. It was good fun for kids. You tend to only stay in the Chapel for the full service when you get older and decide to yourself

But what's the point of OP taking or sending her child to do drawing at church, when she could take her to a museum craft event, or just do it at home?

My daughter went through a brief phase of asking about Jesus after being told about Christianity at primary school. I discussed that and other religions with her, and that I don’t believe in it (and why) and that if she was still interested when she was older she could choose to go to church but until then I wouldn’t be taking her to listen to stories I didn’t believe were true.
Luckily at secondary school there’s a much broader view of RE. She’s interested in learning about different religions but has no further interest than that.

It would be hypocritical to take your child to church when you think it’s a load of bullshit. It’s not like refusing to take them to football because you cba. It’s not taking them to something you don’t believe is true at all.

She's curious. I'd take her once. She will probably find it rather dull and not want to go back.

BustopherJones

I just thought I'd let the OP know what the child would probably be doing of she did go. She doesn't need to take her. Maybe if she told her daughter that's what she would be doing, she wouldn't be interested. But if she still wants to go, it's also not something the OP would have to attend. It's just a kids club.

Presumably if the OP wanted her child to go to a kids club then she’d take them to a kids club. This isn’t a kids club, it’s religious nonsense that the OP doesn’t believe in.

In your position, I certainly wouldn't take her to a messy church session as others have suggested. Simply because IMO those sessions are designed to catch and keep the interests of smaller children whose parents are believers. There isn't a huge amount of real belief involved in them, more an exposure to the terminology while doing fun activities.

At 5, I don't believe it's unreasonable to simply explain why you don't go to church. Explain your beliefs and why you think that way. At a push, maybe take her to a single - -really long-- service. And if she still wants religion in her life when she's old enough to understand the concepts properly, maybe take her once a month as a compromise and let her go alone when she's old enough.

Yep DD loves clubs and activities she does amongst others - dance, a language and art so she really doesn't need an extra activity to go to. Our weekdays are hectic, our weekends are our downtime. Next time she asks ill let her know its not something i want to do due to my laziness Beliefs, ill talk again about different religions and tell her she is welcome to go along if she still wants to when shes old enough to go it alone.

Find your nearest Latin mas or orthodox church. An hour in a language she doesn't understand or a 3 hour standing session. That should cure her.

Not a faith school but does daily worship? Is that normal?

Only the church schools round here do daily worship.

If my daughter wanted to go to church I’d say she can when she’s older.

Not a faith school but does daily worship? Is that normal?

In England it’s required by law. Many schools ignore it though, and it’s not enforced. But it remains a legal duty.

Fair enough HLH9.

I wasn't specifically asking you, but I can see that it sounds like that as I said Sunday School and you had just mentioned it. I didn't meant to be confrontational with you specifically.

Many posters have suggested OP take her to church activities that are 'just a bit of fun', which is fine if you want Christian teaching at an appropriate level for a child, but I wouldn't want anything like that. I'll take them to church when we visit PIL, as we can say 'this is what your gp believe, but we believe x' if there are questions. I would avoid situations where the religious teaching is not explicit as children that young will just take it as fact.