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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In wondering why you can't put a love letter in a coffin?

99 replies

Valerrie · 04/02/2018 21:41

I've just read this story :

www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-england-manchester-42920984?__twitter_impression=true

and obviously I can see the reasons why you can't put things like mobile phones, ecigs and alcohol into the coffin of a person being cremated.

But love letters are banned. Why would this be?

OP posts:
Crikeyblimey · 04/02/2018 22:34

The opening line of The Crow Road by Iain Banks is ‘it was the day my grandmother exploded...’. Pacemaker still in place at cremation apparently.

Anyway, letters were certainly fine 6 years ago. DS was only 8 when my mum died and he wrote her a letter which I placed in the coffin with her.

JanetStWalker · 04/02/2018 22:34

Wonder if you can still get cremated if you have breast implants? Asking for a friend...

Crikeyblimey · 04/02/2018 22:34

Rats Rats, you beat me to it Wink

RavenclawRealist · 04/02/2018 22:40

Why would you bury someone with their mobile phone?

My aunt wants to be buried with her phone incase she's not dead so she can call for help! Not sure it would have signal/work but it makes her feel better!

Purplehammer · 04/02/2018 22:45

No coconuts! I say!
This is political correctness gone mad.
I shall write to my MP.
I may contactTheresa Maybe.
When we finally leave the EU everyone will be buried with a coconut.

MISSC86 · 04/02/2018 22:52

When my best friend died, they removed her breast implants as the material wouldn’t have disintegrated during cremation. I must say it looked very odd seeing her without them after her post mortem. She would have been mortified had she seen them! 😊 xx

inkylicious · 04/02/2018 23:00

I put a letter in to my husband and my 3 sons put in their Father's Day cards they were due to give him on the Sunday - the undertakers suggested it x

missnevermind · 04/02/2018 23:00

Mum wore her favourite outfit and leather shoes. She was cremated. Nothing was said.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 04/02/2018 23:01

Surgical plates and joint replacements aren't removed beforehand. They are only taken out when the ashes are processed. I believe the metal goes for recycling.

Terftastic · 04/02/2018 23:06

We put photos and a picture my DD had drawn into my Dad's coffin - he was cremated. There was no problem. He was def wearing leather shoes as well (unless they take them off before closing the coffin).

My friend was a medical student, she told me that they paid £x for checking there's no pacemaker... still don't know if she was winding me up.

CodLiverOil556 · 04/02/2018 23:08

I'm a cremation technician; removal of items such as pace makers, glass and anything else that could explode is for our safety. We have to look into a cremator spy glass during a cremation and if anything exploded it would probably take my eyesight with it.

Letters, photos and natural fibres are ok as they don't give off harmful gases and won't explode.

Mrsmadevans · 04/02/2018 23:10

I gave a lot of stuff to go in the coffins of my beloved Mil. I gave the undertaker a full outfit of clothes, shoes, coat ,everything, earrings you name it. I put in a baby nightie from her Ds who died when he was little, a teddy, a card from her husband to go with her. Now whether they were put on/in with her I don't know and I don't want to know , the thought if them going with her made me feel that I had done what l thought she would want . I tried to do all l could for her and it gave me comfort.

BertieBotts · 04/02/2018 23:11

My granny died a few days before her 90th birthday, so my aunt asked everyone please to still send cards, and they cremated her with all of them.

I expect there is a medical fee for checking whether a pacemaker is fitted.

Original poster
Valerrie · 05/02/2018 08:09

Thanks, @IloveKermit - why do you have to look into a spyglass? To check that things are OK?

OP posts:
blueshoes · 05/02/2018 08:38

MISSC86: When my best friend died, they removed her breast implants as the material wouldn’t have disintegrated during cremation. I must say it looked very odd seeing her without them after her post mortem.

Why would you see your friend without her implants. Even if it was an open coffin, wouldn't she be dressed?

CodLiverOil556 · 05/02/2018 08:58

@Valerrie yes, we have to monitor how the cremation is going.

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 05/02/2018 18:21

When my MIL died, we dressed her in the outfit that she'd planned to wear for DS's wedding 3 months later (except for the shoes - we were told that the rubber in the soles gives off fumes). I found some flowers from her wedding bouquet that she'd pressed and kept, and I took those and put them in as well... Sad

EggysMom · 05/02/2018 18:36

Why would you see your friend without her implants. Even if it was an open coffin, wouldn't she be dressed?

I suspect she looked a little flatter than people remembered ...

FannyWisdom · 05/02/2018 18:41

Schro not that obscure.
First thought when I saw coconut was horsey noises.

Fekko · 05/02/2018 18:43

Mum put a letter in with dad.

We always use to joked that we would put in weird stuff in family coffins to confuse future archaeologists. Like an extra leg or something.

tulip85 · 05/02/2018 18:43

I put a letter to my dad in October and pictures of his grandchildren & me with him when I was younger x

tulip85 · 05/02/2018 18:46

The undertaker asked if I'd like to take his cuff links before being cremated and I said no because I'd like him to go all smart & dressed properly.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 05/02/2018 18:47

My Mum was cremated with a card from me, photos and her dog’s ashes. I’ve no idea what the funeral director thought when I asked about the ashes but she didn’t say anything!

Bluelady · 05/02/2018 18:49

My dad was cremated with a photo of my mum in his hands.

insancerre · 05/02/2018 18:54

My brother was cremated with his docs and leather jacket
It was 30 years ago though