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AIBU?

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Original poster

In wondering why you can't put a love letter in a coffin?

99 replies

Valerrie · 04/02/2018 21:41

I've just read this story :

www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-england-manchester-42920984?__twitter_impression=true

and obviously I can see the reasons why you can't put things like mobile phones, ecigs and alcohol into the coffin of a person being cremated.

But love letters are banned. Why would this be?

OP posts:
Original poster
Valerrie · 04/02/2018 21:58

Shoes must be the leather thing too, then!

OP posts:
5foot5 · 04/02/2018 21:58

Coconuts!! Just why?

When Mum was cremated year before last my sisters and I carefully chose an outfit for her but for reasons that escape me the undertaker said we couldn't use it. Maybe it was synthetic fibres or something. However photos were OK so we put a photo of Dad with her.

Curtainshopping · 04/02/2018 22:01

Coconuts and skis are unusual but I think a phone is quite odd as well. Why would you bury someone with their mobile phone?

Original poster
Valerrie · 04/02/2018 22:02

I think if I died and they asked my DH what one item represented me, and would he like to place it in my coffin, he'd say a mobile phone Grin

In fact, I'm going to ask him.

OP posts:
DrSeuss · 04/02/2018 22:03

My dad was cremated with a bar of the chocolate that he loved and that reminds me of him when ever I see it. My mum was cremated with a stuffed rabbit because she always sang a song about a rabbit to me when I was little. I didn't ask anyone, just popped them in with the lining fabric when I visited the Chapel of Rest. Can't see why either would be a problem but I didn't want to be told no. I chose Mum's outfit and was never told that any fabrics were not suitable.

Original poster
Valerrie · 04/02/2018 22:04

Yep, "Your phone". No hesitation.

That's a bit sad actually.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 04/02/2018 22:04

My dad was cremated. We gave the undertaker his own clothes and his slippers. My mum myself my brother & my nieces all put a letter in his coffin and we put in some photos.

No.issues with anything thank goodness

Original poster
Valerrie · 04/02/2018 22:04

That's lovely, DrSeuss.

OP posts:
DrSeuss · 04/02/2018 22:08

I wonder now I read in that article if the undertakers found them and didn't feel able to tell me? I can't honestly see why either would cause a problem.

Original poster
Valerrie · 04/02/2018 22:14

I think they'd probably have to tell you - there's probably legislation about returning personal items.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 04/02/2018 22:14

DrSeuss I wouldn't think so. We actually asked in advance what we could put in with Dad. The undertaker asked what we had in mind and said no there was absolutely no problem with letters etc

blueshoes · 04/02/2018 22:17

I wonder what happens to silicone implants during a cremation.

MsWanaBanana · 04/02/2018 22:17

In some Indians cultures, it’s custom to put in coconut halves which have been blessed by the priest beforehand. BOth my grandparents were cremated with coconuts and they weren’t banned

Perpetualstateofchaos · 04/02/2018 22:19

Bikers can't be cremated with their jackets, boots or leathers because of the times they create and the higher temperatures needed to cremate them fully as they also contain metal. My db had his boots and jacket on in the coffin but they were removed and changed with trainers the morning of his funeral. We were allowd to put a small replica of his dream bike in with him along with photos, flowers and the button hole he would have worn at my wedding.

PinkHeart5914 · 04/02/2018 22:20

After my FIL & Uncle’s death and with my stillborn DD, we were allowed to put letters/photos in the coffin and dd had a little cuddly toy in with her too. We were told the only NO was alcohol

Perpetualstateofchaos · 04/02/2018 22:20

The fumes they create. Stupid auto correct.

RainbowGlitterFairy · 04/02/2018 22:22

You can put love letters in, I just asked my Dad (he's a funeral director)

cueominousmusic · 04/02/2018 22:23

I don't think leather actually burns, just shrinks.
That makes sense.Thanks.

BOth my grandparents were cremated with coconuts and they weren’t banned
But halved coconuts wouldn't explode, just burn, so they should be okay.

Lucisky · 04/02/2018 22:23

I dressed my mum in a lovely outfit complete with shoes, and put a letter and photos in with her. The undertakers were aware and never said there was anything wrong with this. For cremations you have to let them know if the deceased has a pacemaker, as these have to be removed prior to cremation as they can explode. The mind boggles a bit at someone having the job of actually removing one, it's not a particularly pleasant thing to contemplate.

NashvilleQueen · 04/02/2018 22:24

Paula Yates apparently slipped a bit of heroin into Michael hutchence’s pocket. Always remember that detail.

fourmileswide · 04/02/2018 22:28

I thought mobile phones were banned because they give off toxic substances if cremated.

SchrodingersFrilledLizard · 04/02/2018 22:29

Coconuts though? Just why?

Horses are too big. Smile

/obscure Monty Python and the Holy Grail reference

StressedtoHellandBack · 04/02/2018 22:30

We have put letters and drawings in family coffins and that was fine with the undertakers.
I think things like pacemakers, implants and rods (for broken bones) have to be taken out before cremation

Nofunkingworriesmate · 04/02/2018 22:31

I bought a packet of digestive for my dads coffin but he took so long to die after they switched his life support off I'd eaten them all by then...he would have understood.
In my 40's My mother was rather put out when I discovered her secret boob job ...I said ( crossly) " you do know i would not have told the funeral parlour you had silicone boobs in because I would not have known, what then!!!
She said " well they would all have had to stand well back then wouldn't they? ... Some people have no respect for that fella that has to stand by the crem oven and shovel the ashes , I shudder to think what would have happened as my mothers flaming implants smacked him in the face.

ratspeaker · 04/02/2018 22:33

Ah yes, pacemakers.
Gave us the most wonderful opening line to a book
" It was the day my grandmother exploded" from the Crow Road by Iain Banks.

When we cremated my mum the kids wanted to put a teddy in, the undertaker made sure it wasn't a bean or bead filled one, seems they do odd things under extreme heat

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