To sack my au pair over this issue

[puffyisgood]

Have had an pair for a few months, looks after our kids aged 4 & 6 for c an hour in the morning before school & c three hours in the evening.

Been a little disappointed with her for a few reasons... In a nutshell she's not very good at either of her two main jobs, namely: (1) preparing tea for the kids - it's nearly always just a ham sandwich that they quite often don't finish for whatever reason; and (2) washing & looking after the kids' clothes - it just never seems to get done in time]. But at au pair rates you don't expect to get the best of the best, I've been planning to soldier on.

In the week something bad happened that's made me seriously consider the au pair's position. We were out for a couple of hours so she was babysitting, got a text saying there was an emergency, got back & the kids' bathtime had somehow led to several litres [maybe even gallons, it was a lot of water] being thrown out of the bath onto the floor, much of it eventually staining the ceiling of the room below.

All agreed that the kids [mostly the 4 year old] threw the water out using a jug we keep in their for hairwashing. They've been disciplined for this.

In terms of why the au pair didn't notice/stop them, she said that they locked her out of the room [which doesn't sound at all like them], they say she disappeared for a long time, which sounds much more likely TBH.

How serious do mumsnetters think leaving kids of that age [not babies, I doubt there's an incredibly serious drowning risk] . But for her not to hear the racket they no doubt made when chucking all this water around I should think she must have been several rooms away and/or inappropriately absorbed in something. I'll often leave the kids alone in the bath whilst i dash off to grab a towel or something, but only ever for amounts of time best measured in seconds rather than minutes.

How serious does this sound??

Next time you interview an Au Pair, try to get someone to translate if their English is not good. If after your enquiries you're satisfied that they fit the bill, write them some instructions of what is expected of each job. If it's written, they can then translate it well, keep it and make sure they fully understand what is required of them. You could also put a checklist of jobs somewhere where the Au Pair can refer to it. If you laminate it, it can be written on and ticked off with a wipe clean pen.
I would also explain that there will be consequences if these things are not adhered to. Your kids are the priority, their emotional and physical welfare. You could end up in trouble with social services for neglect if they go to school and talk about this. It's neglect, pure and simple- and they're entitled to talk about it or express it through play. Just don't be surprised if their teachers call...

It depends how you feel anymore otherwise. Do you like her ? Do the children like her? That counts for a lot with live-in help. You know in your heart if you want to keep her on or if you're glad for a reason to get shot.

The bathroom thing is unacceptable.

The sandwich thing is rubbish too - but you need to give her a meal plan or tell her exactly what to make each day. I have a mothers' help who sorts the children's dinner but she always asks me what she should make, or if I'm out I leave clear instructions.

Same with the washing, you do need to be very clear what you expect and in what time frame.

I worked as an au-pair many moons ago under similar conditions to yours. Looking back, I did on occasion do some really stupid things which have become folklore in my family now but my host family never found out. I was just a bit clueless at 18 - I soon learned.

Go with your gut. If she's otherwise helpful and easy to be around, I'd sit down with her and go through the rules and regs and be explicit about what you need her to do.

If you're fed up of her and happy for a change then send her on her way.

Um organise and purchase what you want the children to have for tea. Remove the lock from the bathroom.

I think this is most definitely sackable - they are yet old enough to understand consequences of actions - what if one of them had an accident whilst mucking around?

Au pairs are usually teenage or early 20s and they are usually involved in extensive childcare for the first time. They are not trained nannies. It is vital to spell everything out to them at the start. Things we as parents would see as obvious are not obvious to them.

A friend of mine runs an au pair agency. She recommends that people do as someone upthread does and write down an expected timeline of the day and very clear instructions about food, washing, bathtime and bedtime. She says where problems occur it's often due to poor communication at the start or niggles not being addressed.

Au pairs are young adults. They are responsible enough to be left to look after children, with guidance.

As for 'your children deserve the best of the best' .....well, au pairs generally aren't that. They lack training and age and experience. As the parent you have to provide them with some training and guidance and they will quickly grow from their experiences with you. However, a 20 year old may not be an expert in children's food or English food. They may have done little laundry before. They might know not to leave a baby in the bath alone, but exactly when can you? Even on MN there will be significant variation in thought about that.....so making clear your own approach to this is key, rather than assuming it is obvious. It isn't.

With au pairs, some people seem to expect qualified childcare, plus a full time domestic who automatically knows everything. They don't think of them as they would think about their neice of a similar age, who if they thought about it,would need a lot of supportninnthe early days, gently having better ways to do things told to her and even shown to her, plus regular communication and feedback. These au pairs are like students or not far beyond being students and often a bit clueless - it's the reality and parents have to know that and work with them to make it work.

am on my 5th au pair. 3 very succesful (including current) and 2 disasters that lasted a couple of weeks. Your offer is fair, and she is not being exploited. Any post about au pairs on MN always brings out the anti au pair bridgade. Ignore. Au pairs can be a wonderful win win situation for the family, children and the au pair him or herself.

I would get rid. Once the trust has gone it's impossible to get back. How would you ever leave them alone with her again with a clear mind? I'd be so worried.

The whole situation with the bath is absolutely not on. I imagine there's a bit of truth from both kids and au pair. But whichever way you look at it, she wasn't adequately supervising.

Regarding meal times, a ham sandwich is not on either. With your new au pair I suggest setting some very clear guidelines, a very clear outline of their day, what you expect of them, what they should be achieving etc. And meal plan! Our au pair eats with the children at 6.30 each day as I don't get home until after 7. She inputs each week if there is something she fancies, and I put in the rest depending on what needs eating, what's in the freezer etc. I also batch cook so she has something homemade and easy if things are running late, or if it's a meal I cook that the children particularly like that she can't make. She's not a great cook but can roast a chicken breast and make mash, nuke veg etc. Make sure the meal plan is within her capabilities and go through it all with her.

And communicate. All the time. Feedback when she's done well and when she hasn't quite hit the mark.

Good luck. Hope you find someone better soon!

Au pairs esp the younger ones (which I appreciate not all are) are inexperienced and up until they arrived at your nearest airport more than likely had all their own meals, washing and housekeeping done for them by their parents. I think the expectations are too high. Imagine if it was your own eighteen year old going away from home for a long period in their own to effectively part time mother someone’s children. If you want experienced and responsible adults pay for a nanny. Otherwise lower your expectations to what you would expect from a babysitter!

What TheShipSong said ^ and I'd add, it's probably best to err on the side of caution, assume they don't know things and give them proper training. If you use an agency they may have a translator who can help.

The au pair works 20 hours a week. That's not unreasonable at all.

If she had gone away for long enough/ far enough that she wasn't paying attention to what was happening in the bathroom, anything could have happened. It's really dangerous. I used to be an au pair and I would never do something like that.

Washing, school runs, dinner and bath time are all expected of an au pair. I say this as someone who used to be an au pair and is now a nanny to very high profile families. There is a huge difference but I don't think OP is asking for too much here.