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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To sack my au pair over this issue

110 replies

puffyisgood · 04/02/2018 20:21

Have had an pair for a few months, looks after our kids aged 4 & 6 for c an hour in the morning before school & c three hours in the evening.

Been a little disappointed with her for a few reasons... In a nutshell she's not very good at either of her two main jobs, namely: (1) preparing tea for the kids - it's nearly always just a ham sandwich that they quite often don't finish for whatever reason; and (2) washing & looking after the kids' clothes - it just never seems to get done in time]. But at au pair rates you don't expect to get the best of the best, I've been planning to soldier on.

In the week something bad happened that's made me seriously consider the au pair's position. We were out for a couple of hours so she was babysitting, got a text saying there was an emergency, got back & the kids' bathtime had somehow led to several litres [maybe even gallons, it was a lot of water] being thrown out of the bath onto the floor, much of it eventually staining the ceiling of the room below.

All agreed that the kids [mostly the 4 year old] threw the water out using a jug we keep in their for hairwashing. They've been disciplined for this.

In terms of why the au pair didn't notice/stop them, she said that they locked her out of the room [which doesn't sound at all like them], they say she disappeared for a long time, which sounds much more likely TBH.

How serious do mumsnetters think leaving kids of that age [not babies, I doubt there's an incredibly serious drowning risk] . But for her not to hear the racket they no doubt made when chucking all this water around I should think she must have been several rooms away and/or inappropriately absorbed in something. I'll often leave the kids alone in the bath whilst i dash off to grab a towel or something, but only ever for amounts of time best measured in seconds rather than minutes.

How serious does this sound??

OP posts:

Runningoutofusernames · 04/02/2018 20:49

LEM - au pairs are not meant to be sole charge for vildren under 2. No problem for kids this age.
I'd let her go, either she has so little control that they can lock her out and go crazy (bad) or she left them alone, lied about it and blamed them (much worse). It's a decent job for an au pair, you'll get much better candidates.

Lanaorana2 · 04/02/2018 20:50

It would have taken ages for such small children to shift that amount of water. They're naughty, but I'm inclined to believe they're telling the truth about AP leaving them - if they had locked her out for that amount of time, she'd have texted you then not later.

Viviennemary · 04/02/2018 20:54

Well faults on both sides here. She should have been watching the children more carefully in the bath. But I expect you're paying her au pair rates for sole charge nanny duties and mostly in the evenings too.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 04/02/2018 20:54

I would let her go for leaving the room while they were in the bath. It's entirely possible that they did lock her out, my two always behave worse for our au pairs than they do for me and DH, but she must have left them alone in the room first in order for them to lock her out.

My au pairs have never done personal care for my DC, when they were little I always bathed them/put them in pjs/brushed their teeth first if I was going out before bedtime.

OutyMcOutface · 04/02/2018 20:55

Well I think that this is pretty conclusive.

reluctantbrit · 04/02/2018 20:58

My friend has an au pair each year and her duties are what you describe, absolute no exploitation. When her DD was younger she had to work a lot more like 3 full days and 1 evening.
She would sack any au pair who would endanger her daughter, and leaving a 4 year old in the bath is not ok.

At that age we started leaving her for short periods but always were next door or similar and put a stop to an such behaviour (and I have a water thrower as well).

Serialweightwatcher · 04/02/2018 20:59

If she had been in the bathroom with them the whole time, they wouldn't have been able to supposedly lock them out - dangerous to leave children that age alone in the bath - definitely sack her

Original poster

puffyisgood · 04/02/2018 20:59

Thanks for the tips.

@unhomme - we try our best to treat her well. We offer her a great room (big, with sofa, tv, desk, en suite, really more like a flat, a decent mobile sim card, cable broadband), and whilst her £120 a week is not a lot of money, for 25 hrs a with board, food, and bills etc in it's not bad. As far as possible we treat her like a family member - e.g. she's never once cooked for us, nor would we ask her to, but we cook for her at least a couple of times a week. We do about as much of her laundry as she does our adult stuff. We make a point of never asking her to lift a finger on evenings and at weekends, preagreed/ babysitting aside.

OP posts:

HanaK88 · 04/02/2018 21:00

Very serious lack of judgement, I would send her home.

For those questioning the role though, standard au pair duties are around 25 hours a week of childcare and chores, plus a couple of nights babysitting. This set up sounds absolutely normal, and not a nanny job.

f83mx · 04/02/2018 21:00

errrr yeah seriously serious. She was out of the room long enough to be locked out of the bathroom, leaving the kids in or around a bath full of water, at 4 and 6. No, not good.

oldschoolcool · 04/02/2018 21:05

No second chances. Trust your gut.

frozenlake · 04/02/2018 21:06

I would fire her for this, as she left two young children unsupervised around water, this is just very unsafe. Is there any evidence that she would have told you about this if the water staining wasn't an issue? The other issues could be worked on, safety issues combined with a potential lack of honesty wouldn't work for me.

TinyDoom · 04/02/2018 21:09

I would have serious reservations about her judgment if she's leaving a 4 and 6 year old alone in the bath. If she has been with you a few months, she should know the routine re: towels, etc and should not be out of the room to give the children the opportunity to lock her out.

That, coupled with the ham sandwiches for dinner (even an indifferent cook can boil pasta or scramble eggs for a hot tea) would make me think that the placement wasn't working out. I'd be looking for a new one in your place.

greendale17 · 04/02/2018 21:09

I'm laughing at the poster who thinks this au pair is overworked.

^Me too.

I would definitely sack her

RaindropsAndSparkles · 04/02/2018 21:16

I'd have sacked her for the ham sandwiches and not getting the washing done on time.

Bigfatchips · 04/02/2018 21:20

I wouldn't leave my children in the care of someone who can only produce a ham sandwich for dinner. What do they eat otherwise in the day?

Unfinishedkitchen · 04/02/2018 21:20

Unacceptable. Sack her. Even my 18 occasional babysitter would not leave a 4 year unattended in a bath. I’ve left DD, who’s older in the bath when I’ve gone to get something but we do call and response whilst I’m getting it and I’m never gone longer than 2 minutes. For the kids to have damaged a ceiling she must have been gone ages with no way of hearing them. I would not be able to relax with them in her care again.

SockUnicorn · 04/02/2018 21:20

sack her. your paying her to watch your kids and the trust is gone.

Ang69 · 04/02/2018 21:21

I've had numerous au pairs over the years and what you are asking is very well within the guidelines with zero exploitation. This is very serious and there would be no second chances from me. The majority of au pairs are good but once in a while you will get one who just isn't switched onto the role. Hope the next one works out better for you.

OVienna · 04/02/2018 21:23

greendale me three. Some of the posters who come in these threads seem to think the role of an AP is to be a paid house guest.

OP your rates, duties, and age of kids seem fine.

As you note in your OP; they are not experienced nannies and you have to tolerate more.

She needs to engage more for sure. Only you can take a view as to whether she's up to it.

Re the sandwiches; you need to give a day by day meal plan.

BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot · 04/02/2018 21:24

Sack her

Aquamarine1029 · 04/02/2018 21:26

You are crazy if you ever leave your children alone with this idiot again. Sack her and get her out of your home immediately.

londonrach · 04/02/2018 21:26

The bath thing yes get rid...the rest no. I throught au pair was pretty much a babysitter or mothers help so i would expect washing. Hope next one ok

Unhomme · 04/02/2018 21:27

Ha. Fair enough. I'm being unreasonable!

WiseDad · 04/02/2018 21:28

Stunned. Fire her. She has a great gig, good rate for pocket money, her own bedroom set up like a studio flat, doesn't have to cook for anyone else, gets fed and cooked for and yet seems to take it all for granted. Oh and it isn't the conditions of engagement that makes them careless it's their attitude.

But above everything else it's the bath safety issue that does it for me. Ham sandwich diet is annoying but can be dealt with through better oversight and instruction, I mean how hard is pizza?! The bath though just makes me wonder what else happens unsupervised.

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