To sack my au pair over this issue

[puffyisgood]

Have had an pair for a few months, looks after our kids aged 4 & 6 for c an hour in the morning before school & c three hours in the evening.

Been a little disappointed with her for a few reasons... In a nutshell she's not very good at either of her two main jobs, namely: (1) preparing tea for the kids - it's nearly always just a ham sandwich that they quite often don't finish for whatever reason; and (2) washing & looking after the kids' clothes - it just never seems to get done in time]. But at au pair rates you don't expect to get the best of the best, I've been planning to soldier on.

In the week something bad happened that's made me seriously consider the au pair's position. We were out for a couple of hours so she was babysitting, got a text saying there was an emergency, got back & the kids' bathtime had somehow led to several litres [maybe even gallons, it was a lot of water] being thrown out of the bath onto the floor, much of it eventually staining the ceiling of the room below.

All agreed that the kids [mostly the 4 year old] threw the water out using a jug we keep in their for hairwashing. They've been disciplined for this.

In terms of why the au pair didn't notice/stop them, she said that they locked her out of the room [which doesn't sound at all like them], they say she disappeared for a long time, which sounds much more likely TBH.

How serious do mumsnetters think leaving kids of that age [not babies, I doubt there's an incredibly serious drowning risk] . But for her not to hear the racket they no doubt made when chucking all this water around I should think she must have been several rooms away and/or inappropriately absorbed in something. I'll often leave the kids alone in the bath whilst i dash off to grab a towel or something, but only ever for amounts of time best measured in seconds rather than minutes.

How serious does this sound??

Let her go. It's not working out.

I'd have sacked her for the ham sandwiches and not getting the washing done on time.

Yes, me too. After a few months, any decent aupair should be able to get on top of that. I will also sack for persistent lying, with more notice and it is not working out for me spiel and it is better you find a more suitable family.

As for the bath incident, no brainer. It gives you all the reason you need to sack her immediately.

YANBU. Not only did she leave your children alone in the bath, she’s lying about what happened. I’d find it very difficult to have her in my house. Your arrangement sounds very generous to her indeed. She’d never find a flat with all those luxuries for working 25 hours a week at another job. And £125 spending money a week is a huge amount for a young girl, when her mobile is already paid for. I don’t have that much to spend on myself each week!

It sounds like she has a great set up with you OP, it's a shame she's not acted responsibly. I would definitely let her go. Sounds like your dc were left alone in the bath for a long time. That alone would have me getting rid.

YANBU, I would let her go.

Thanks for the feedback.

Before the bath I'd been reluctant to rock the boat too much, I suppose because I [perhaps naively] really was trying to view her as a family member [who you don't, of course, hire & fire willy nilly], & was maybe a little annoyed at myself for not screening her application better & not performance managing her a little more effectively [though I do try].

Not sure whether I should try & get a replacement fully lined up before having the difficult conversation.

No way can you trust her!

I always remember my nan telling me about the time her 4 year old would have drowned had she not been there, he hit his head on the tap and was going under the water and she pulled him up. If he was unsupervised, even for a short time, he would have drowned. It's too young to leave them other than grabbing a towel quickly and making sure you can still hear them at all times.

You cook for her at least a couple of times a week because you treat her as a family member as much as possible? OP I'm unsure what your definition of 'inclusion' is but if the au pair is at home, then you are supposed to include her in all your meals. If you eat out in a restaurant as a family, you are supposed to bring her along. You are not doing anything 'extra' by doing this, you are just fulfilling your side of the bargain and to be fair twenty five hours work for 120 quid is a bargain even including 'board'.

That said, I think that leaving young children alone in the bath is a serious issue. I think also though that the floor probably got soaked because of the children getting in and out of the bath to lock the door and that adds up. Your children undoubtedly behave differently to how they behave with you but you are paying for a young girl to babysit, not a nanny and you are paying for an inexperienced person rather than a mature woman.

I'd look at your own expectations and review them against what you are willing to pay but the bath issue would scare me and I would remove the key from all doors at once from the children's reach. Perhaps ultimately you need to bath the children yourself or pay for more experience.

@theshipsong - you raise some fair issues. one of us usually works till lateish midweek so we rarely eat together, maybe once a week, & we'd include her in that. maybe this isn't often.

the weekend we offer her the chance to eat with us up to 4 times, if she's got nothing else on, but it rarely in practice ends up being more than twice.

the point i was making though is that we treat her like a child in this, never expect her to pull her weight in terms of food preparation or clearing up.

truthfully we're not amazingly good at inviting her out for pub lunches & so on [not that we do it very often]. we invite her maybe half the time.

Sounds like she has a very easy deal OP. Have you decided what to do about keeping her on?

I don't know any working parents that eat with the au pair every night. APs tend to eat with the children. But maybe it depends on when the parents I know get home.

They usually have their own weekend plans too, after the first few weeks. For example, regarding meals out and pub lunches: it's the sort of thing they'd be keen on early on but once settled, not so much. Part of it is having other friends but I have noticed that with the ones who speak worse English they might find it too tiring and self-select other options. As long as everyone is happy, it's fine. All of our APs have stayed a school year.

Your set up doesn't sound at all out of the ordinary - I doubt very much she's pining for you.

Should an au pair be bathing two children unsupervised, in the absence of parents who aren’t even in the house?

My heart skipped a beat when I realised the kids were in the bath while she was 'locked out'.

Sack her.

iamafraid why not?

Big responsibility? Isnt bathing kids abit more than just baby sitting? I bet its covered as part of any childcare qualification.

She should be able to manage baths at that age yes. The children aren't toddlers and it doesn't require a childcare qualification! I'd have a word about temperatures etc and be there the first time but it's not beyond the wit of a person with reasonable common sense.

My DD is 7 and I don't leave her in the bath for long on her own- I'll pop to another room quickly but one of us is always supervising or very very nearby. She frequently needs out for the toilet- what if one of them had tried to get out for the toilet and has slipped? What if one had turned the hot tap on and scalded themselves or even the cold and left it on long enough to make the bath freezing. It's not acceptable.

She has poor judgement, I would find her unsuitable. If she doesn’t supervise the kids in the bath, how do you know she supervised them in the park? On busy roads? Etc etc.

You need to trust a childcare provider, you don’t trust this one so best to part ways.

Also she is happy to “blame” the kids for her own failings. That alone shows poor judgment on her part.

My view is if she had been out of the room at that time then she would have tried to cover her steps on this and not call you citing an emergency.

I knew someone who au paired in the USA and this was a wealthy family. The children did misbehave very badly in her company, one child peed on a socket! She had to leave in the end as she feared that she would be blamed for an accident happening - her parents got her home.

One of the most dangerous things to do with young children is leaving them unsupervised in the bath. I'd say this is a sackable offence.

Get rid imo.

At 4 and 6 I would leave my older dc in the bath whilst I put laundry away or was in the next room but always within hearing distance.

To disappear for long enough for them to empty that much water with a jug and not be able to hear them/bother to stop it is neglectful and dangerous.

I wouldn't trust her with them alone again.

However, it's obviously not working out so I would let her go.

And whilst they're not babies so unlikely to 'just' drown, there are other risks that come with 2 dc in the same bath at ages 4 and 6 that means supervision is needed.

Thinking of my two at that age, if not kept an eye on they would get very boisterous together as they egg each other on - splashing water, wrestling, standing up, dunking each other. My main concern would be a slip and nasty crack to the head on the taps.

I don't know why you're overthinking this - of course she has to go.