To silently judge my friend?

[namechangew4nker]

I have a friend with a baby who is almost 6 months, we live close to each other and see each other on average a couple of times a week. My friend is an excellent cook and her food is amazing, I have tasted it many times, she has even taught me how to a cook a variety of foods from her heritage! However, she constantly feeds her baby crap. I have seen dc eat a magnum ice cream, a cornetto, a character jelly lollipop covered in sugar, a milky bar for breakfast and 2 packets of cheesy biscuits one after the other. She constantly posts photos of her baby eating these things on social media. A few days ago she told me that her baby doesn't like food without salt and won't eat it unless she adds salt to it first. She is aware of feeding advice and is an intelligent lady so it isn't due to a lack of awareness or education. I am no earth mother myself, I have fed my dc crap in the past but not at such a young age and I do feel awful for judging her but I am worried about her child's health and the eating habits her baby is likely to develop in childhood if she carries on!

at that age its about experimenting. can take 20 times for a child to decide they like something. Might be worth mentioning this. I'ts not necessarily that the child doesn't like it, but that they are testing it and exploring it. she needs to change this now though because she's really going to struggle later otherwise.

OMG. WTF?! Judge away! That's horrible.

Gosh I feel bad for giving my 8 month old bread!

Scaredofthegym, I just wanted to highlight that Ready Brek is not high in salt and did not cause the death of a baby. Ready Brek contains 0.1g of sodium per 100g. A baby (up to the age of 12 months) should have no more than 0.4g of sodium per day. Basically your child would have to eat 4 boxes of Ready Brek a day just to get to their daily allowance. Please take a look at 'special baby food' (porridge/jars/biscuits etc) and see how much sugar and salt are in those! Ready Brek is much better for your child than most 'baby food' - but the manufacturers will make you 'believe' your child needs it. Please check facts before frightening unsuspecting mums. Ready Brek is fine guys....and better than 'baby porridge' (and a hell of a lot cheaper). ;-)

The Ready Brek thing did happen, it was in the newspapers at the time. I do believe Ready Brek is one of those products that has had a reduction in salt. Age old products are changed a lot. www.independent.co.uk/news/salt-in-food-led-to-baby-death-1108931.html

To be fair, the Ready Brek thing was a three month old baby who should not have been even eating solid food.

If she is international it is entirely possible that she isn't aware, and can't/doesn't read the information provided to her.

My cleaner is polish and she feeds her son nothing but coke (full fat) and sausages because he likes them in her words every day (he is 2). There are cultural differences everywhere.

I would quietly mention to her that in this country we are advised not to give baby salt/sugar whatever when you are there, in a kind way. Buy or lend her your weaning recipes to give her some new ideas. Bring her to yours, she might hate you for it or embrace it. As long as you are kind and back off if she seems a bit miffed at least you have done your best.

I would not report her!

All massively judge here!! My baby no 2 lives salty things but some salt doesn’t mean too much salt & if they’re baby cheesy biscuits they’re likely low salt anyway. Babies still mainly take milk so I wouldn’t worry. Doingnthings alightky outside of advised doesn’t mean awful end of the world-ness! Look at the nutritional contents of these things, it’s prob not as bad as you imagine.

Time to wean has changed over the years - 6 months for my dad but the advice 18 years ago was 12 weeks and my very large baby was a couple of weeks early for that on the advice of the Health visitor. He did not have crap but coped perfectly well with finger foods by 6 months. He ate masses too but he’s over 6 foot and skinny now!

Dd not dad!!

I can believe it. I have a few friends who are very health/weight conscious for themselves but feed their babies/toddlers nothing but crap because it’s easier. Ultimately they’re too lazy to faff with making them try healthy/new foods. They were on crisps before 1 as a standard morning snack, constant snacking undermining meal times, chocolate kept in pockets as bribes for good behaviour. It was hard hanging out with them as of course they introduced my dd to a lot of bad foods I wouldn’t have let her have so early. But I didn’t feel I could say anything for fear of appearing precious and I valued their friendship and it was inevitable my dd would eventually try all those foods. Luckily I have a great all round eater through perseverance. Their kids still exist on sugar/chicken dippers, zero veg. I don’t think YABU in judging her.

TheFishInthepot, actually, like most media sensationalism I think you'll find that Ready Brek wasn't the real problem. The fact that the baby was only 3 months old, it's gut wasn't developmentally ready to be eating ANY solid food and the mother was feeding it lots of other very salty food ie gravy on everything, was the real cause but you know the media. ..why spoil a good story with the truth!

I'm so glad we're on the same page! I so hate when children aren't weaned onto vegetables from an early age It makes me proper angry that parents shove their manufactured crap down a young, impressionable child's throat

If you are concerned you can talk to the health visitor and they can call round. It doesn’t have to be a major thing, just a bit of education required.

DS1’s favourite food was a Big Mac and large fries at 6mnths.

DD would only eat Burger King though

Yabu, totally.

If she's your friend like you say she is you shouldn't be silently judging you should be saying something and offering support and advice.

If she's not really your friend - and given the you're bitching about her on a public forum rather than doing the above, I suspect thar is the case - then make a report to someone who can help.

She perhaps needs a professional to be educating her and hat food she feeds baby. Salt for a child that age is very dangerous as their littl kidneys can’t cope with it. There’s already salt in most food without adding it or giving babies processed food. Milk including breast milk will have salt in it.
www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/824.aspx?CategoryID=51
I think some people don’t worry about future problems so assume if an action doesn’t have any significant concequences at the time, there’s no harm.

How are you defining a high needs baby in this instance? I consider my 6 month old to be high needs because she has a lot of allergies and these have caused her a lot of discomfort in her very short life (reacts through breastmilk to various things)- I’ve actually felt really upset thinking about all the poor babies out there whose parents haven’t the sense to realise there’s something more going on than just fussiness. What if this terrible diet is exacerbating their suffering and creating the ‘high needs’ you mention. How horrific.

Show her this...!
www.independent.co.uk/news/salt-in-food-led-to-baby-death-1108931.html

Find a way to anonymously send your friend this video clip:

Cuz that's her kids future.

Or not anonymously...sometimes being a friend means removing the silence part of judging them.

Sorry clumsy fingers.

This video:

I don't envy you at all! It's such a difficult position to be in. Are this baby's grand-parent's involved in the feeding practices at all? I was just wondering if it's a bit of over indulgent spoiling. I guess I'd be inclined to try and say, carefully and very tactfully, that too much sugar and salt can make a child not just ill but set up life-long habits leading to health trouble. Have you thought of taking some fruit based treats round with you as a present for the baby just to introduce something healthier? I would try and say something, placing it as you did to us, amidst your admiration for your friend's cooking and her wide ranging knowledge and food cooked from its original recipes in the right way, Praise her up and tell her how lucky her baby is to begin life learning these wonderful tastes and healthy foods. Gently tell her she's too clever to be making her baby ill.

I believe you op. I know a woman like this. She gave her 6 month old (might have been younger than that actually) a full callipo. He has chocolate every day. He's 1 now and I'd say he was overweight definitely. She won't listen to anyone because she is a "chef" so obviously knows what she's doing.

My baby is nearly 6 months old and I've only JUST started weening on porridge and blended veg and fruit !
Wow I'd judge

My DS started to eat solids at 6mo and by the end of that month he would almost eat as much as his sister, DD then 24mo. He had a couple of tiny teeth and would eat things like banana, soft apple, soft carrots, baby "crisps" things like carrot puffs, toast, (overcooked) spaghetti/pasta, rice, etc. He was massive and had (has) an amazing appetite. Even to this date (2.5yo), he has second servings of most mains. His sister still eats selectively, some days she would eat anything, some days she ignores most of her food.

I do believe OP. I was once doing that baby weighting at the GP's baby clinic and we usually got seen in pairs, with two HV in the same room. The mum next two me had a 4mo and was explaining to the HV how her DS didn't like porridge but loved chocolate pudding and strawberry yogurt. The HV sat her down and started to bring her all weaning leaflets she had around. That was a 4mo. If she had continued for two months, she would probably be where OP's friend is now. I might assume OP's friend might think it shows how big he is, how he's eating on his own, how cute with all that ice cream smeared on himself... If she does it for the pic, not too good but hardly long-term consequences. If she actually does this on a daily basis, thinking it's ok, it can damaged her child.

For the record, some people do think children should have sweets. My mum insisted a grandparents' duty was to spoilt the grandchild and in her mind that meant giving them chocolate and sweets from the start/when weaning, such a bit of chocolate yogurt or Nutella on bread sticks. When I insisted I didn't want any sugary stuff for as long as I could avoid it, she complained and moaned as if I were banking a fundamental right, insisting I was being mean and cruel! So yeah, some people think children should have sweets as a regular treat...

I would judge too, I would struggle not to say anything. I would be forwarding articles on nutrition and babies, as in "wow, I've just received this, have you seen it? Food for thought! (Pardon the pun)"