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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to go to doctors due to sheer embarassment?!

115 replies

Embarassednamechanger · 04/02/2018 19:01

I have had some embarassing symptoms for ages now, on looking up it throws up a condition, I'm 99.9% sure it is what I have as it's the only diagnos for the symptom.

However the test for it is so embarassing and I just do not want to go. I also very stupidly googled the surgery to correct and my god it looks absolutely horrific. Genuinely horrible.

I can keep living like this but it is becoming embarassing. Sad

I know they will of seen it all before and all that but that doesn't really help me tbh.

OP posts:
ineedamoreadultieradult · 04/02/2018 20:25

You've had kids and smear tests so medical professionals have seen all of that already. If you were lucky enough not to get piles etc in pregnancy then there is a possibility no medical professional has yet stuck anything up your bum. It's a bum get over it.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 04/02/2018 20:25

OP, go and get yourself sorted my Lovely, it's only once to do.
I have had to expose my lower end on occasion, but you know what, no one gives a flying fig, only us ! 😄
Get yourself fixed, you'll feel amazing, physically, but more importantly, mentally. Just do it Sweet ! 🌺

Domino20 · 04/02/2018 20:27

Wow. Having read the symptoms I would be running to the doctor's not trying to avoid them!

Twoo · 04/02/2018 20:29

Don’t be embarrassed. I’m disabled due to a spinal injury. The tests I have had to have would make your eyes water. Honestly, the nhs staff are super sensitive and empathic with this sort of thing. They always put me at ease. I do understand how you are feeling. I did initially but soon got desensitised to it all.

Scaredofthegym · 04/02/2018 20:32

lovelylovelyladies - you just gave me flashbacks of a doctor peering up my fanjo with a head torch when I was preggers, I'd forgotten all about it! I was actually laughing, it was so comical.

Op, no matter how embarrassing it may be you must get it sorted out. You'll quickly forget about it once it's sorted.

AnnaMagnani · 04/02/2018 20:36

Just go to your doctors and stop looking at ops - as you have found out, it is a terrible way of preparing yourself! I tried doing this for my gallbladder op, I'm a doctor, have been to theatre and 10 minutes in to the video I felt revolted and gave up. It looks far worse on video.

The doctor will be fine about it and not phased at all, you may well not have rectovaginal fistula at all and even if you do, you can't live with one for the rest of your life, that's awful.

BexConnor · 04/02/2018 20:38

OP, I have had a fistula - different type but to say that it was painful and debilitating would be an understatement. Sod being embarrassed, I'd have paid a doctor to look at it!

You have to remember that while these 'down below' conditions are new and awkward for us, doctors see them all the time. It's just anatomical to them and they want to help you.

raindropsandsunshine · 04/02/2018 20:50

Oh my, I've never heard of this, it sounds awful you poor thing. I really hope you manage to get it all sorted, sounds like there is a simple procedure that can help so there's no need to suffer. Good luck.

HicDraconis · 04/02/2018 20:52

@Embarrassednamechanger Rectovaginal fistula is far more common than you might think! Sometimes it goes with inflammatory bowel disease, sometimes it goes with childbirth injuries, sometimes some people are just bloody unlucky.

At the very least you need an examination under anaesthesia to see what you've got going on down there. No tampons, no blue dye - a surgeon passing a gentle probe down the fistula tract to find out where it goes, possibly a scope to look at the first part of the bowel (anus / rectum / sigmoid). You want a referral to a colorectal surgeon rather than gynae for this.

I anaesthetise regularly for a colorectal surgeon (once a week minimum) and we have an EUA / fistula procedure on the list at least 3 out of 4 weeks.

Leaving it untreated can cause major issues down the line if this is what you have, so (in the nicest possible way) - put your big girl non-leaky pants on and get yourself to a GP to start the ball rolling.

MollyHuaCha · 04/02/2018 20:55

OP, do you have online booking for your GP? Can you get online and make the appointment right now? Thanks

WizardOfToss · 04/02/2018 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SingaSong12 · 04/02/2018 21:10

OP - your GP will not be embarrassed. You may be a little- it's not a nice thing to talk about. Good suggestion of writing things down. If you'll feel more comfortable ask for a female GP. You will feel a lot better afterwards though.

Some tests are unpleasant, but they are bearable. As regards videos of any surgery remember that you won't experience it in any way the same as watching. If you have any surgery or tests you may have general anaesthetic or local with sedation.

Curtainshopping · 04/02/2018 21:17

Lost count of how many people rummaged in my fanjo and bum during two childbirths. Probably hundreds.

Original poster
Embarassednamechanger · 04/02/2018 22:04

I'm going to ring tomo morning and make an appointment. This thread has really helped. I will just think of MN when I'm there. Grin

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 04/02/2018 22:48

Good. Please remember, they are doctors and they don't care. Their job is to deal with bodies, they were dissecting bowels within their first few weeks of medical school. They just want to get you better.

DaviesMum · 04/02/2018 22:56

You will be fine. You can guarantee that doctors have seen, poked and prodded body bits in all shapes, sizes and colours - bums and fannies are probably preferrable to thinks like feet and noses. I should think that my bits have been seen and touched by most of the urology department at my local hospital by now that any awkwardness I once felt is long gone.

Chipshopninja · 04/02/2018 23:23

Right Op, as soon as i read your post i knew what you were talking about.

I had a rectovagunal fistula after having my son. I was passing loose and solid stool through my vagina.

Please go and see the GP. I am assuming your symptoms are not as severe as mine were simply because there was no should i/shouldnt i go to the GP question with me. It was straight to hospital to have a stoma created and a colostomy bag which was reversed after 6 months.

Please do not ignore this get it checked and get it treated xx

pebblesonabeach · 09/03/2018 09:59

Any updates OP? I think I may have a fistula after giving birth four months ago. Have been to the GP and awaiting a referral but not sure what to expect...and I really shouldn't google!

123MothergotafleA · 09/03/2018 10:26

Hope you've got the ball rolling now. Best wishes!

Eltonjohnssyrup · 09/03/2018 10:35

Embarrased from someone who has had fertility treatment and gynae problems it’s never anywhere near as bad as you think. It’s literally just a normal workday for health professionals so it’s no more remarkable to them than a till is to a shop worker or a spanner to a mechanic. Although they will treat you as a human not a spanner.

Honestly, I’ve had so much done I’m half naked and up in stirrups when they’ve barely locked the door and have had some lovely chats about kids and supermarkets and local parks with the chaperone whilst having several sticks and liquids stuck in my uterus.

FizzyGreenWater · 09/03/2018 10:36

Good on you OP!

Seriously, I have a friend, not even a very close one, and I know that she had this! She had the op. She did have awful births though. I get that it's embarrassing but so glad you're going.

liz70 · 09/03/2018 10:41

"It just looks so nasty."

But all surgery looks nasty. I really wouldn't have wanted to see my ankle being sliced open at both sides, the bones sawn and drilled into, various muscle, sinews etc. tugged this way and that, and titatium screws and plates screwed into my bones. No thanks. Bones and muscles and whatnot look much nicer covered by skin. Grin But people are either unconscious during surgery, or in my case awake but with drapes concealing the area.

You don't know if your case will require surgery anyway, but you do need to get checked out by a GP. You can request a female one. But do it, please.

liz70 · 09/03/2018 10:43

Oh, good to read that you're making that appointnent, OP. I hope it goes okay - all the best. Flowers

viques · 09/03/2018 10:45

But fistulas ARE common, there used to be a building I drove past every day in Islington , which was a former hospital dedicated to fistula care . If there were enough of them around to warrant a whole hospital then I am pretty sure that current medics won't be thumbing through the text books in puzzlement in 2018.

And incidentally the fact that there was a hospital to sort them out means they don't heal themselves, so phone your GP for an appointment today.

Spicylolly · 09/03/2018 10:45

I put off going to the Drs for years (8 in all I think) because I was embarrassed...finally put on my big girl pants and went and it wasn't as bad as I thought (lady garden or should I say lady allotment problem)
Had several people having a rummage down below and then had an op, oh my god I should of done it years ago, literally changed my life.
Just go, get yourself sorted out, ask for a female dr. I had one and it made it less embarrassing X good luck, you'll be fine 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻