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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to go to doctors due to sheer embarassment?!

115 replies

Embarassednamechanger · 04/02/2018 19:01

I have had some embarassing symptoms for ages now, on looking up it throws up a condition, I'm 99.9% sure it is what I have as it's the only diagnos for the symptom.

However the test for it is so embarassing and I just do not want to go. I also very stupidly googled the surgery to correct and my god it looks absolutely horrific. Genuinely horrible.

I can keep living like this but it is becoming embarassing. Sad

I know they will of seen it all before and all that but that doesn't really help me tbh.

OP posts:
JaneEyre70 · 04/02/2018 19:20

There isn't much that Doctors haven't seen over the years. It's when google has nothing whatsoever on your symptoms that you have to panic. Go to your GP!

EnlightenedOwl · 04/02/2018 19:20

sorry just seen your update

becotide · 04/02/2018 19:20

Hey, I had a rectocele after I had ds2, and no, people don't talk about it, but they do still happen. Mine wasn't severe enough to warrant an op but that means unfortunately I still have to poo with a wad of tissue pressed against the back wall of my vagina.

There now, if I can tell you that with my proper user name, you can ring the doctor and ask to speak to a female gp about your fistula. Birth injuries are shockingly common.

SwarmOfCats · 04/02/2018 19:20

Definitely go to the GP! It’s not nice to be messed with, but better than leaving things untreated.

(I had an urgent referral for a colonoscopy a while ago - a day of fasting while drinking liquid that made me sh*t through the eye of a needle, followed by a camera up the bum while they pumped air into me which then had to come out...unpleasant, but necessary. Healthcare professionals really do not care, they’ve seen it all before!)

Mari50 · 04/02/2018 19:20

Whatever it is don’t let embarrassment stop you getting it fixed.
Doctors just view whatever it is wrong with your body the same way a mexhanic would something wrong with your car.
And the stress of self diagnosing and dealing with your problem yourself won’t be doing you any good either.
And if it’s a fistula (v common in developing countries and definitely not that rare here- I know someone who had one-get it seen to asap.)

Original poster
Embarassednamechanger · 04/02/2018 19:21

I have had surgery before and watched videos if it before hand. It makes me feel sort of prepared. Blush I am aware surgery isn't exactly pretty. Blush

It just looks so nasty. They're literally pulling apart your vagina/anus.

OP posts:
FingersCrossedHard · 04/02/2018 19:21

I once went to the Dr because of bleeding during sex.

After fishing around for ten minutes she found a forgotten tampon. I hadn't used tampons for longer than I could remember...possibly 6 months 😮

She was fairly jolly and said she gets at least one a month. I really think they have seen it all op, just go.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 04/02/2018 19:22

And that test is not embarrassing! Look up Embarrassing Bodies on YouTube, you'll soon feel better. Or think about all those mugs who used to crap in some tupperware so that Gillian McKeith could poke through it.

Mari50 · 04/02/2018 19:24

Just saw your update- definitely get to the gp, this can be repaired successfully and will change your life. There is a reason why there are surgical parties who specialise in this and go to developing countries to help women with this problem. Theres no reason to live with this problem indefinitely and your gp will not bat an eyelid.

Snowysky20009 · 04/02/2018 19:24

Old school friend had that about 2 years ago. All ok after surgery!

Civilsoot · 04/02/2018 19:24

I can pretty much guarantee that you will not be the only bum and vagina that doctor will see that day. I'm a nurse, in my usual shift I'd probably see 5+ bum holes, vaginas and penises by lunchtime. I couldn't tell you anything about any of them, they are no different to you showing me your ingrown toenail.

From personal experience, after the birth of dc2 I had to take myself off to the GP for both my arse and fanny. Terrible case of piles and a vaginal prolapse, so that doctor got to see me in all my glory and she didn't bat an eye.

Just go. Five minutes embarrassment can solve what must be a horrible condition for you to be suffering with.

Confuzzled84 · 04/02/2018 19:26

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

pinkmagic1 · 04/02/2018 19:27

Please just go and get it seen to. Request female health care professionals if it makes you more comfortable.
They will have seen it all before and if left it could get worse and cause even more problems.

StrawberryLemonade · 04/02/2018 19:27

YABU. Doctors hear these kinds of problems all the time. Go!

randomuntrainedcuntowner · 04/02/2018 19:29

You have got yourself into a state by self diagnosing and catatrophising by googling. Go to the doctors and speak to a professional. I am a doctor and have seen literally everything. Trust me we are unshockable.

FeistyColl · 04/02/2018 19:30

Imagine how many people have bum surgery or procedures every day. And imagine how many women have vaginal surgery or procedures every day. Thinking logically, why does having both together make it more embarrassing? You can do it op.

lljkk · 04/02/2018 19:32

Lesson learned: do NOT watch a video of a surgery you'll be needing. There's nothing to be gained. You can watch videos about recovery, though.

Giraffey1 · 04/02/2018 19:32

Just go!, Get yourself an appointment and let the docs and nurses do what they do best.

giveitfive · 04/02/2018 19:34

Presumably you are shitting out your fanjo. I really wouldn't worry so much about the doctors or thinking ahead to repair. The main thing is to get checked. It could be crohns. And speaking as someone who has had this problem there are some medications that will close up a rectovaginal fistula so you might not even need surgery. Most important thing though is to just see the doc. Good luck. Don't be scared. You want be awake when they get the arse spreaders out so don't worry about it x keep your chin up because I am sure it will be Ok.

NotReadyToMove · 04/02/2018 19:36

Just go.
You can’t carry in living like this and leaving for longer and longer will only make it worse. Your quality of life is worth more than 2 minutes if feeling ashamed/uncomfortable as you describe the symptoms to the GP.

Chewbecca · 04/02/2018 19:36

Honestly, GPs have seen it all. They become immune to embarrassment.

PoorYorick · 04/02/2018 19:36

I absolutely promise you that the doctors will not care. It's their job and it's all in a day's work for them. They won't even remember when they go home and it is all in the strictest confidence.

RavenLG · 04/02/2018 19:37

and the most embarrassing option is it live with this problem for the rest of your life? Presumably there will be consequences following leaving it alone (infections etc)
Go to the doctor

RideOn · 04/02/2018 19:37

If you really don’t want surgery, you can still go to get examined, problem confirmed and check if there are any consequences to conservative management, or what complications /signs to look out for

MollyHuaCha · 04/02/2018 19:39

I know someone who fairly recently had an operation to correct this condition.

She had to wait quite a long time (op was cancelled by the hosp the 1st time). In the waiting period she got UTI after UTI, poor thing.

Now, a few months down the line she's fit, well, symptom-free and so pleased she had it corrected surgically.

Go ahead, make your appointment. We're all here to support you.