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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to go to doctors due to sheer embarassment?!

115 replies

Embarassednamechanger · 04/02/2018 19:01

I have had some embarassing symptoms for ages now, on looking up it throws up a condition, I'm 99.9% sure it is what I have as it's the only diagnos for the symptom.

However the test for it is so embarassing and I just do not want to go. I also very stupidly googled the surgery to correct and my god it looks absolutely horrific. Genuinely horrible.

I can keep living like this but it is becoming embarassing. Sad

I know they will of seen it all before and all that but that doesn't really help me tbh.

OP posts:
georgeoutside · 04/02/2018 19:39

I don't know what is embarrassing about it? Unless you caused it yourself by masturbating with a kitchen knife then there is no embarrassment to be had.

Tarraleaha · 04/02/2018 19:40

I remember Sharon Osbourne discussing her cancer on tv, explaining that the embarrassment was even worst than the actual disease or something like that, but owning the problem and getting it sorted.
She is famous, recognised everywhere, and must have gone through everything fearing even more about her privacy (not necessarily from her doctors!)

She still rocks, no one think any less of her. OP get yourself fixed. GP and surgeons don't look at your body, they fix a specific problem.

I don't think it's any less embarrassing to have a female doctor than a male one, but try to detach from your problem. Good luck

YearOfYouRemember · 04/02/2018 19:42

YABSelfish

I've just read about a woman who died because she was to embarrassed to have a smear test. I'm sure that is no consolation to her children she's left behind.

Get yourself to the doctor and write it all down if you won't say it.

SparklyLeprechaun · 04/02/2018 19:42

You know, I can't think of any intervention more embarrassing than childbirth, and that's seen as perfectly natural. Just go and get yourself treated.

pootlepootle · 04/02/2018 19:43

i had one of them. had to go and get it cut off. unpleasant but not that bad honestly.

Crashbangwhatausername · 04/02/2018 19:44

I've seen many of these in various roles within the NHS over the years. I do understand, when it's you and your body on the receiving end of this kind of thing it can feel absolutely mortifying but I can assure you that healthcare professionals really do not shock easily and you are not rare enough to warrant a troop of medical students wanting to have a peer in. Please get it treated, I'm sure your googling has led you to examples of how it can worsen over time.

Dipitydoda · 04/02/2018 19:44

Just go. Drs have seen it all. Once had a camera up my bum. Watched it with the dr on the screen who explained as he went. No embarrassment at all it was just another body part to him. Quite frankly having seen some of the antics medical students got up to at uni I would suggest they’re a breed immune from embarrassment

greendale17 · 04/02/2018 19:47

However the test for it is so embarassing and I just do not want to go.

For goodness sake GET A GRIP! Do you know how lucky you are to readily have access to healthcare and you are messing about because you are too embarrassed???????

starfruitslice · 04/02/2018 19:49

Doctor here. Last RV fistula I saw (this in UK) was caused by a bowel condition, not childbirth (and was diagnosed through CT scan). Of course, you may not have an RV fistula at all. Only one way to find out.

Please don't torture yourself by watching surgery videos! And it's worth noting that, increasingly, pelvic surgery is performed using minimally invasive techniques - esp. in the UK.

There's absolutely no way that your GP would not have encountered a patient with the symptoms I imagine you must be experiencing. There's absolutely no way that a surgical team local to you haven't fixed an RV fistula before. I know the old 'seen it all before' line always gets trotted out...but, yeah. Please make that first appointment, and remember, you're in control - you can talk through your options before agreeing to any tests or treatments.

starfruitslice · 04/02/2018 19:53

Just came back to add that some small RV fistulas are sometimes not even treated surgically - they can heal of their own accord.

Jon66 · 04/02/2018 19:54

A friend had this issue and is now fine following the operation a couple of years ago. Google has a lot to answer for! For medical professionals it really is just another body and they will have seen it before unless they have just started out as a GP.

OnTheRise · 04/02/2018 19:55

Please, OP. Go to your GP and get this sorted. If you do have what you think you have it's a horrible condition to live with, and it can be treated.

Footle · 04/02/2018 19:56

pootle, I don't think you had a fistula cut off. A fistula is a hole.

Shortfatandangry · 04/02/2018 19:58

I have frequent issues with piles and anal fissures. At least every 3 months or so someone (a Dr, not just a random someone!) has to stick a lubed up finger up my arse to try and work out where the issue is this time. At the end of the day it is embarrassing for us but it's less unpleasant then, in my case substantial pain and shitting blood and in your case poo coming out your vag. Go and get checked, they won't give a shit (pun intended).

HeyRoly · 04/02/2018 20:01

You know what? My guess is it's not a fistula and if you'd only see a doctor you might find the diagnosis isn't as horrific as you're thinking.

Believe me, I've BTDT with embarrassing childbirth injuries involving the bottom. Dignity pretty much gone. Probably have a prolapse of some degree. So I really understand your reluctance, but please go.

And if you really are leaking faeces from your vagina, please go ASAP.

ShinyBadger · 04/02/2018 20:03

Please go to the Gp and get a referral to the Consultant. My friend had one and had it repaired, she said it wasn’t too bad if she was honest and so pleased she had it all sorted. what’s worse having it repaired and sorted or shitting out your vagina.

Don’t be embarrassed as the staff, GP, consultants, healthcare assistants etc really are not worried or embarrassed! It’s just our jobs! - I’ve seen more vaginas so far In my career than there are on mumsnet.

ImListening · 04/02/2018 20:04

Ive had anal fistula after anal fistula. Sometimes they heal themselves & sometimes I trot off to the GP. I also have to wear a large sanitary towel at times because of the bleeding. Not embarrassed as I’m sure GP has seen loads before!

RainbowInACloud · 04/02/2018 20:05

I'm a GP. Honestly please don't worry. These things can happen and its important to get them sorted sooner rather than later. It may be hard to see on exam if it's a tiny fistula but I would refer to gynae if there's any suggestion at all of a fistula. I promise you nothing disgusts me or makes me embarrassed and I would do my best to put you completely at ease. Hope you get t it sorted

georgeoutside · 04/02/2018 20:10

Ive had anal fistula after anal fistula. Sometimes they heal themselves & sometimes I trot off to the GP

I suspect you mean fissure and not fistula

ToadsforJustice · 04/02/2018 20:11

I get the embarrassment. I understand that you might not want anyone to see your condition or examine you. It doesn’t help when people say that HCP have seen it all. They haven’t seen yours have they?

At some point, your symptoms will probably become unbearable. This will be the time when you will see your GP. I’m not going to say it will be alright, because I don’t know what will happen. When you can summon the courage to go, I wish you all the luck in the world. Thanks

ipswichwitch · 04/02/2018 20:17

Anal fistulas are a thing see here

Lovelylovelyladies · 04/02/2018 20:17

If you had asked me 5 years ago what the most awkward thing about going to the doctor's would be I would have said having to insert anything my bum/fanjo.

I then had 3 children.

I have had about 10 different people's hand up both my arse and my vagina. This was always straight after childbirth when my vagina and arse had become one. Shock

Some of them were even wearing head torches! Like they were on some fucking caving exhibition.

Trust me, if I can do it...so can you.

georgeoutside · 04/02/2018 20:19

Anal fistulas are a thing

Who said they were not?

greenbeansqueen · 04/02/2018 20:21

Go to your local Sexual Health clinic rather than GP if you're embarrassed? There's genuinely few things they haven't seen and they'll make you feel totally comfortable and you'll be seeing experienced nurses and Dr/Gynaes who look privates all day long. They also have other Drs to hand for immediate 2nd opinions if they think they need one.They are also confidential, they won't even tell your GP if you don't want them to. I go for anything I'm worried about with me bits, smears aside as they don't usual do them.

GummyGoddess · 04/02/2018 20:23

You could try my approach when I went to the GP with something embarrassing? I typed up all the symptoms and what I thought it was and just handed the paper to them. They look surprised but did their best to make me feel calm while they sorted it out.

Even if you do it my ridiculous way, at least it's done and you won't have to live with it for much longer.