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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend wants to come over ...aibu to say no?

90 replies

Ohwayway2345 · 04/02/2018 17:37

I’ve never had many friends.
I’m 32 now and just made friends about 6 months ago with a woman who I get on with and is funny.
We had a night out a month ago and had fun.
She’s asked me to go out next weekend and I told her I didn’t really have cash.
She said “how about I come over with some wine and we will order a takeaway and watch a film”
This put the fear of god in me...what if we have nothing to say etc etc and sharing a bed etc etc.
Shall I say no? Or actually enjoy having a friend?
I think I’m nervous because I’m not used to having anybody.

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 04/02/2018 19:01

I think your only options are to just go with it or tell her the truth.

BackforGood · 04/02/2018 19:04

Wow. That is some leap.
If someone wanted to stay over in my house, I'd say - "Of course, but we don't have any spare beds, so you'd be on the living room floor I'm afraid".
Up to them then if they are comfy with that.
I'd find it very, very, very strange if someone invited me to share their bed, even if I'd known them for for years, but definitely odd with a new friend.

Peachplum60 · 04/02/2018 19:07

@Ohwayway2345 your from Liverpool?

KnobZombie7 · 04/02/2018 19:17

I had a friend like this, we still are friends but years ago whenever she would stay at mine after a night out, she would just stay in my bed with me. Yep, it's weird, I agree.

Just say you want your own bed. Maybe the wine's given you a funny tummy or something.

But buying the airbed would solve this. 'I bought an air bed for when relatives stay so now I've got one, I'll make it up for you.' If she still insists on sleeping in your bed say, 'I'll sleep on the airbed, then.'
She'd be very strange if she then wanted to join you on the air bed!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 04/02/2018 19:17

Just do whatever you feel comfortable with OP. 🌸

crisscrosscranky · 04/02/2018 19:17

I have a best friend, like a really really best friend who I have known for ever and would trust with my life and knows all my secrets. We've shared a bed once about 2years ago (she was living abroad in a teeny flat) and I might as well have shared with a stranger- I stayed awake all night keeping in my half and trying not to touch toes 🤣

chocatoo · 04/02/2018 19:22

Be honest with her and say you didn't get a good nights sleep sharing. Tell her you are trying a different permutation this time. Put her in daughter's room, enjoy having daughter in with you for a night. Warn daughter not to expect it every night. Or make a bed with pillows/cushions for daughter and you have her bed...Stop worrying and enjoy yourself!

poddige · 04/02/2018 19:57

OP I'm fortunate enough to have no anxiety at all, and I still hate when people stay over at our house.

Occasionally unavoidable when family travelling long distances etc, but I just really dislike it!

It's not for everyone, I'd never share a bed with anyone but DH & DC, not a chance.

I'm generally outgoing and social, but not in my own space!

To each their own, don't feel like you have to!

PasstheStarmix · 04/02/2018 21:56

I could never share a bed with a friend I’d only known a few months. I only share a bed with dh and dc and even a really good friend I don’t need to be in my space like that: alittle too close for comfort. Sofa or air bed is fine.

Butterymuffin · 04/02/2018 21:58

I don't suffer from anxiety and I still wouldn't want to share a bed beyond with partner or children. Lots of people feel this way! It's not you being odd.

Lemontart25 · 05/02/2018 09:08

So this isn't actually about the sleeping situation is it. As you've said the "No money" was really an excuse. (So you could buy an airbed). You've admitted your anxiety is playing a massive part. Therefore what is your thinking on it now? You've had some good suggestions.

Have you replied at all OP?

PasstheStarmix · 05/02/2018 10:05

Maybe you should have just told your friend you had other plans so would have to arrange another time instead of ‘No money’ if that was an excuse.

MissDuke · 05/02/2018 10:11

I wouldn't share a bed even with a close friend, wouldn't even be keen with my sister!

As many posters have said, get an airbed, they aren't expensive and you will get more uses from it. Set it up in the lounge for her - job done :-)

When we do this, we bring one of the dc into our room and give the friend their bed but I can understand why that won't work for you.

saladdays66 · 05/02/2018 10:14

I wouldn't like such a new friend staying over either. Just say she's welcome for the evening but you don't have room for her to stay over.

RingFence · 05/02/2018 10:22

I would never share my bed with a friend, I'm far too awkward about things like that. I'd be afraid I'd kick them or mistake them for DH and snuggle up! If it came to it I'd give them my bed and sleep on the living room floor. Have an air bed, cushions and spare duvet ready.

One of my friends often shares beds with friends. She thinks it's odd I won't share mine with her but I just say I'm not comfortable with that level of physical intimacy and she understands.

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