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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend wants to come over ...aibu to say no?

90 replies

Ohwayway2345 · 04/02/2018 17:37

I’ve never had many friends.
I’m 32 now and just made friends about 6 months ago with a woman who I get on with and is funny.
We had a night out a month ago and had fun.
She’s asked me to go out next weekend and I told her I didn’t really have cash.
She said “how about I come over with some wine and we will order a takeaway and watch a film”
This put the fear of god in me...what if we have nothing to say etc etc and sharing a bed etc etc.
Shall I say no? Or actually enjoy having a friend?
I think I’m nervous because I’m not used to having anybody.

OP posts:
youngnomore · 04/02/2018 17:47

I’m sure the wine will ease of your anxieties. Let her come over. You will be happy that you did. Let her have the single bed.

PasstheStarmix · 04/02/2018 17:49

Tell your friend you’re sorry but you don’t have the room for her to stay over comfortably. Maybe she it’s the taxi fare and your provide the food and the alcohol?

PasstheStarmix · 04/02/2018 17:49

she takes care of the taxi*

RandomMess · 04/02/2018 17:49

Perhaps friend has an air bed or tell her you only have the sofa?

PasstheStarmix · 04/02/2018 17:50

you* that should say sorry

Original poster
Ohwayway2345 · 04/02/2018 17:50

I’m trying to push myself more.
That’s why I’m single I think because I hate the thought of a man in my bed (stranger)
I need to try and challenge myself I think.

OP posts:
HighwayDragon1 · 04/02/2018 17:51

Child in with you, adult in child's bed. She is NOT expecting to sleep in your bed!

MiddleClassProblem · 04/02/2018 17:52

I think if op paid for a taxi the no money excuse would be blown

Original poster
Ohwayway2345 · 04/02/2018 17:52

Does anyone else worry about sharing a bed?
Even with new boyfriend?

OP posts:
PasstheStarmix · 04/02/2018 17:53

I get anxiety with people in my house too. Can totally relate

Me too. OP you’re not alone as I would hate that. I would enjoy the evening but couldn’r be arsed to host/entertain somebody staying over and would feel had to do breakfast etc. When I was younger I’d do sleep overs no problem but now I have a child it’s a no.

greathat · 04/02/2018 17:53

good job you posted! She'd find it weird if you expected to share bed. Get an air bed. put it in lounge... Or put kid in your bed, I think I'd prefer that than having a relative stranger wandering round house while my kid was there

MiddleClassProblem · 04/02/2018 17:54

Just because she’s suggested it does mean you have to do it though. If you want to push yourself that way you can but only if you really want to.

wetpebbles · 04/02/2018 17:55

Find a film you would both like, then there's no pressure and anxiety about "making conversation"

PasstheStarmix · 04/02/2018 17:55

No problems sharing a bed when I was younger but now there’s only room for dh and ds. I wouldn’t felt right sharing with a friend I hadn’t known long and feel it’s a bit cheeky of her to invite herself over to yours. Does she have dc?

PasstheStarmix · 04/02/2018 17:55

feel*

Chesntoots · 04/02/2018 17:58

I hate having people in my space so the thought of having a friend round and them staying the night makes me feel a bit panicky.
Mind you, I don't have any friends so it's a moot point!!

Nanny0gg · 04/02/2018 18:00

So why can't you share with your DC?

Original poster
Ohwayway2345 · 04/02/2018 18:01

She has 4 kids ...I think she’s in need of some adult company herself

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohwayway2345 · 04/02/2018 18:02

I could share with my daughter but it took me so long to get her in her own room I’m scared in case it knocks Her routine off and she wants to sleep in every night

OP posts:
PasstheStarmix · 04/02/2018 18:03

I would just have her over for movie, wine and nibbles. You provide those if she pays for the taxi otherwise wait for another weekend where you have more cash and can go out. I would politely say you don’t have the space for her to stay over night. Just word it nicely in a what’sapp message or text.

MiddleClassProblem · 04/02/2018 18:05

I would say that you don’t have the space for her to stay but she’s welcome to come over or make it a lunch to early evening date?

Wauden · 04/02/2018 18:07

The takeaway will give you a chance to chat about food, meals, etc and then the film will give you things to talk about.

GottadoitGottadoit · 04/02/2018 18:08

She will likely be horrified to learn you think she will be sharing your bed. She will be assuming you will have the child in with you, so she can have the single, or that she will crash on the sofa/floor.

What she has suggested is pretty normal ‘friend’ type behaviour.

rwalker · 04/02/2018 18:09

please please go ahead she offered to come so values your company. As for sleeping ask her to bring a quilt buy an airbed sleep on the floor .I miss out on so much as i over think things and end up not going .

ilovekitkats · 04/02/2018 18:10

You could ask her if she has got a blow up bed that she can bring and then she can sleep in the lounge?

It sounds like she wants friendship too, so I wouldn't keep putting her off.