Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Friend cancelled because daughter was sick ...aibu to be annoyed?

94 replies

Lisajohn234 · 04/02/2018 10:39

So I never ever ask anyone for any help whatsoever.
Decorated my house alone,moved alone etc.
I needed a new wardrobe and chest of draws (flat pack).
There was a warehouse about 35 mins away and you can only get there by car.
My friend insisted i let her take me and help me lift it etc.
The day before I rang and paid for the wardrobe and chest of drawers.
The morning we were meant to collect my friend texts saying her daughter has ear ache and she can’t take me.
So I have to get taxi to collect them which cost me £60.
Later in the day she texts saying her BF is off work for a week and driving her mad.
So why couldn’t she leave her daughter with him?
The next day she’s in town with her daughter,clothes shopping.
Aibu to be a bit annoyed here?

OP posts:

Meadwaymumof4 · 04/02/2018 12:48

Yanbu - I hardly ever call favours. For example my sister lives 15 Miles from me andhas no childcare commitments herself. She babysits maybe once every four years for pre arranged emergencies. I just never ask anything of her. A few months back I had a real bad situation where I needed my teenager looked after the next day. I offered to drive him over then she needed to do no more, she didn’t even need to be in the house with him as I would collect him in the afternoon.
She said a flat no and I was desperate, had no one else to ask. I know now I can’t ask anyone even when I’m beyond n my knees. I wouldn’t ask her again.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 04/02/2018 12:53

From what you’ve said you didn’t need to go that day. I assume she knew you didn’t need to go that day (because you didn’t) so she figured it would be fine to rearrange. How was she to know you’d go ahead and blow £60 on a taxi? Surely there are cheaper options for a start.

When DS has had earaches I’ve given him medicine and then had to sit up holding him all night with a heat pack against his ear while he cries in pain. No way would I leave him there crying for me to go pick up some furniture that can just be picked up the next day. And yes, kids are usually totally fine the next day. Once the pressure is released they’re good as new. Your friend probably wanted to spoil her DD a bit after her having been unwell so took her shopping. This is totally normal and reasonable.

Your “trust no one” comment is overdramatic. As is flouncing off to get an expensive taxi ride when you didn’t even need to. As is moaning about a woman slightly postponing your free ride because she was taking care of her sick child.

Are you always a drama llama? In this case YABVVVU.

Original poster

Lisajohn234 · 04/02/2018 12:57

My friend also works and like I stated she said “I hope you find alternative arrangements”
Or something along those lines...
Nowhere from that message did I think she was going to re arrange.
So yes a taxi was the only option...well
Apart from carrying them on my back.

OP posts:

LemonShark · 04/02/2018 13:02

Okay so she said she felt bad and hoped you got it sorted another way. That's fair enough. I didn't realise she'd acknowledged that she'd put you out.

Perhaps she didn't realise you have no other friends to help? Do you literally have nobody but this friend? Does she help you with things often?

I can totally envisage her assuming that if she couldn't do it someone else would be able to unless she knows she's your only friend.

CapnHaddock · 04/02/2018 13:02

Crap friend. Sorry

loobyloo1234 · 04/02/2018 13:02

YANBU - is it possible to start taking driving lessons though OP? So you don't have to rely on lifts and taxis?

LemonShark · 04/02/2018 13:02

Glad to see you can drive OP. Might it have been cheaper to hire a car for a couple of hours than to get taxis?

Original poster

Lisajohn234 · 04/02/2018 13:03

I do have other friends but I wouldn’t go and ask for help etc.
I can drive just no car at the moment.

OP posts:

loobyloo1234 · 04/02/2018 13:04

Sorry OP, missed your post about being able to drive. Van hire may have been cheaper though than a cab, some places only charge £35 an hour etc

Original poster

Lisajohn234 · 04/02/2018 13:04

I help her out a lot more than she helps me.
It’s not one sided.

OP posts:

LemonShark · 04/02/2018 13:07

Why wouldn't you ask for help? I think it's fine to do so as long as it's not too often and you return the favour in some way (for example if your friend had ended up taking you I'd have given her a bottle of wine or some flowers as a thank you).

Do you think you'll look into hiring a car next time if it's cheaperV

Moanaohnana · 04/02/2018 13:07

My friend insisted i let her take me and help me lift it etc.

Um, are you absolutely sure this is true? And you just so happened to be telling her about some furniture you wanted but had absolutely no way of getting?

Sounds like she felt obligated to offer and then didn't feel at all obligated to stick to that when her daughter was poorly.

CapnHaddock · 04/02/2018 13:09

Oh FGS are some of you hard of reading? The OP ordered the furniture after her 'mate' insisted that she drive her and help her collect it.

And then she pulled out.

Original poster

Lisajohn234 · 04/02/2018 13:10

I said I’ve seen some furniture in Argos but it’s expensive for delivery so I might shop around.
She told me about the place on Facebook and to have a look then said if you see anything you like il take you...I said I don’t want to put you out,and she said you aren’t I want to save you some cash.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lisajohn234 · 04/02/2018 13:11

I’m hoping to get back on the road in the next few months.

OP posts:

LemonShark · 04/02/2018 13:13

Sounds good OP :) it's always much better to have your own transport so you're not relying on others. Such a relief to have that independence. Then hopefully you can figure things out with this friendship and focus on enjoying the friendship aside from the awkwardness of favours/being let down etc

Viviennemary · 04/02/2018 13:14

YANBU. I hate unreliable people. Just drop her.

JustDanceAddict · 04/02/2018 13:16

No BU if the father was available.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/02/2018 13:16

I think you should have either waited or asked other friends. Ok. Completely different scenario. A couple of years ago, my dd invited a friend to a party and the girls mother can’t drive. She’d arranged a lift. But was let down. If she’d have called me, we would have gladly taken the little girl. Instead she missed out on the party.

Sometimes in life, you have to ask. Personally you also should be kicking yourself for not being able to ask a friend for help occasionally.

As for the earache. I had horrendous earache once as a child. It was unbearable. I couldn’t sit down for more than a few seconds and was running around the room like a crazed animal. At one point, I was holding my ears and screaming in pain. If their dd was like that, I can understand her mother would not have wanted to leave her. In an ideal world, her partner would have taken you instead. But that didn’t happen.

GabsAlot · 04/02/2018 13:19

she is a bit crap but stop being a martyr with the not asking anyone for help thing

what is it with asking for a favour these days-u dont get extra points for being the one that does things alone

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 04/02/2018 13:20

"I've offered to drive a friend so that she can pick some stuff up, but now my dc is ill. They have earache, and they're in agony. Calpol's not touching the pain. Their DF is here, but my child only wants me. WIBU to tell friend that I can't take her."

If your friend had posted something like this, I think the MN response would be fairly unequivocal - your child should come first. I think you've been place in a difficult, and very expensive, situation. But I don't think your friend is unreasonable.

Good luck with getting back on the road.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 04/02/2018 13:21

Well tbh I think prioritising your own child over a friend isn't unreasonable. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Witchend · 04/02/2018 13:27

Ds suffers from ear ache regularly. He often has about 2-6 hours in total agony. If his ear drum bursts, he can recover from the pain in minutes. He also only wants me when he's in the big pain, and although most of the time he's more than happy with ds that is the one time he really does need me-he's 10yo, so not a baby.
I can totally believe that the child wasn't up to coming out one day and okay to shop another.

But also have you thought about space in the car. When I've bought furniture before now I've had to drop the children home to pick it up simply because of space in the car. I certainly wouldn't risk having an hour round journey to find there wasn't space in the car due to having a child with me. When I put the back seats down and lower the front seat I can get a 6' bookcase in (and have). With someone in the front seat that reduces it down quite a bit, if I have a back passenger (and the child may not be able to go in the front if there's an airbag) then you're looking at no more than a small chest of drawers-and our car has a reasonable big boot.

Weezol · 04/02/2018 13:33

YANBU. Surely she could have left the child at home with Dad for a couple of hours?

I would be taking a step back from her for a while.

babyccinoo · 04/02/2018 13:34

I think it would have been better to try and cancel the furniture from the warehouse and order it from Argos, as you originally planned to do.

Oh well, I think she was a twat, if her boyfriend was home. She could have keft DD with him (assuming it's his child too) or asked her boyfriend to take you.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread