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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend cancelled because daughter was sick ...aibu to be annoyed?

94 replies

Lisajohn234 · 04/02/2018 10:39

So I never ever ask anyone for any help whatsoever.
Decorated my house alone,moved alone etc.
I needed a new wardrobe and chest of draws (flat pack).
There was a warehouse about 35 mins away and you can only get there by car.
My friend insisted i let her take me and help me lift it etc.
The day before I rang and paid for the wardrobe and chest of drawers.
The morning we were meant to collect my friend texts saying her daughter has ear ache and she can’t take me.
So I have to get taxi to collect them which cost me £60.
Later in the day she texts saying her BF is off work for a week and driving her mad.
So why couldn’t she leave her daughter with him?
The next day she’s in town with her daughter,clothes shopping.
Aibu to be a bit annoyed here?

OP posts:

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 04/02/2018 11:45

I'm sorry but earaches are the worst, I had an ear infection for 5 weeks last year it's the only time I've ever been sent home from work. (Yes I was on antibiotics that time before anyone goes why didn't you go to the doctors). My manager and several of my friends said there's two aches that are really unbearable ear ache and tooth ache.

There is a chance that she was genuinely worried about her daughter.

That said no there's no reason she couldn't have been left with her boyfriend or sent the boyfriend to help you.

I would just say I don't really want to hear about your boyfriend when you promised something and we could have found a solution

Aeroflotgirl · 04/02/2018 11:47

She sounds really flaky. If she does not want to do it, don't offer, or say no if it's not convenient.

wakemeupbefore · 04/02/2018 11:50

YABU for starting a sentence with 'so'.
Never mind the draws etc.
However, to the point; ear-ache can cause debilitating pain and no mother would leave a child who is clearly suffering, to collect furniture.
You could 've rearranged the collection.
She on the other hand should have asked her husband to come and help you.
Everyone was UR.
Gavel.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/02/2018 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/02/2018 11:55

LisaJohn, no you're not being unreasonable. People who don't have transport issues don't always understand how what they promise impacts other people who do have limited options.

Hope the furniture was a bargain and I agree with a pp, be less available for this friend in future.

TheFairyCaravan · 04/02/2018 11:57

I think YABU.

I’ll never forget when DS2 had earache once. It was a Saturday night and both DH and I were up with him alll night. He was crying in pain, he puked and there was nothing we could do. OOHs refused to see him because they said it sounded like his ear drum was on the verge of bursting and when it did he’d feel better!

The next morning DH did take him to be seen, his ear drum had burst and we were told to just give him Calpol as we’d already been doing. We had plans that day but there was no way we could go out as we were both really tired and not safe to be driving miles and miles. By the Monday he was more or less back to normal.

wakemeupbefore · 04/02/2018 11:57

Thank you, Witch, always a pleasure, you little sunbeam you!

Jenna43 · 04/02/2018 11:58

YANBU, that's shit. Did you tell her you had to pay £60 for a taxi, does she even care?

susiebee61 · 04/02/2018 12:04

some very nasty posters on here... surely the "friend" could have been more apologetic, asked her BF to help, asked if the collection date could be rearranged etc-doesnt sound like the daughter had a severe infection if she was out shopping the next day!

WeAllHaveWings · 04/02/2018 12:07

You don't get a gold star for never asking anyone for help ever. There is nothing wrong with asking for help as long as its not one way and no one takes the mick. I don't mind my friends asking for help so why would they mind it if I did too? Don't be a martyr.

It was very kind of your friend to offer, but not unreasonable for her to stay at home with her dd when she was ill. Her bf might be waste of space and her daughter wanted her. Unless you are saying your friend constantly lets you down by lying, if so why are you even friends with this person?

Earache can be extremely painful, but the pain can clear quickly, especially if it pops the eardrum. You are accusing your friend of being a liar by making a point of mentioning she went out the next day.

You choose to spend £60 on a taxi, rather than call your friend (why does no one speak on the phone anymore!), ask if her daughter is ok, and if she could take you another day as you had bought and paid for the furniture and had no other way of getting there. How is that an uncomfortable question when your friend wants to help you as she previously insisted, it just didn't work out.

YABU to be annoyed with your friend. YANBU for being annoyed with yourself and Lesson learnt -rely on nobody is an overreaction if its a one off.

TheOrigBrave · 04/02/2018 12:16

ironlady I find it a bit sad that you feel you don't have people in your life you can rely on. I am a strong, independent woman, but still have plenty of friends and family that I feel I can depend on. Likewise I would always try and help my own friends and family (most also independent, capable people). It's not a weakness to need people.

Original poster

Lisajohn234 · 04/02/2018 12:16

I wasn’t going to re ask my friend to take me another day.
From her text it was pretty obvious she was saying you will have to make other arrangements.
The taxi was the only option.
I can drive but no car at the minute due to lack of funds,hence the £60 being a lot of money.

OP posts:

NewYearNewMe18 · 04/02/2018 12:21

Ear ache, along with tooth ache are two of those pains that are immediately unsolvable. You cant kiss or rub it better, pain killers simply don't touch it.

You could be faced with two choices (a) not breaking your promises (b) staying with your sick child who wants you.

We do love a good toxic mother type thread, can you imagine 20 years down the line "remember when I was screaming with ear ache and you went off furniture shopping with auntie LisaJohn".

There are always two ways of looking at any situation.

doloresthenewt · 04/02/2018 12:22

No, YANBU, I'd have been utterly mortified to let you down, and I would have been falling over myself to try to suggest how we could get round it (can we do another day, I'll call the store for you to see if they'll hold it another 24 hours, etc.). But that's because I'm a pathetic people-pleaser and can't bear it if people think badly of me.

That said, I slightly get the feeling that you're overdoing the detective work in your understandable irritation! Ear infections clear up very quickly, from really horrid pain on Monday to right as a trivet on Tuesday. So the fact that she was shopping with her DD the next day isn't really evidence of flakiness or selfishness. From what you've written, nor do I think you can conclude that the DD could have been left with the BF - he may well be driving her mad, and off work, but that doesn't necessarily mean he was at home at the right time. Maybe he wasn't. Or maybe her daughter's particularly clingy, or maybe the BF is utter rubbish at managing sick kids.

All that said, she could have done more to offer to set it right!

babyccinoo · 04/02/2018 12:22

I wouldn't be doing her any favours either.

Friend cancelled because daughter was sick ...aibu to be annoyed?

SundaysFunday · 04/02/2018 12:23

YANBU

WeAllHaveWings · 04/02/2018 12:24

From her text it was pretty obvious she was saying you will have to make other arrangements.

you didnt say that in your op, what did her text say? as her daughter was ill, obviously she couldn't take you that day, did she say she wouldn't take you another day?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/02/2018 12:24

So you REALLY need to tell her how much that taxi cost - maybe a truly passive aggressive moment is required...

"So sorry, I will be stuck indoors for the foreseeable, that taxi cost sooooooo much money. Good job it was a flat pack, at least I can keep busy"

I don't think I could do that to a friend, especially with another fully functioning adult in the house. I'd suspect she thought a day at home was more appealing! Either way, her excuse is utterly lame and she didn't give you more than a moment's thought. Definitely not a good friend!

minionsrule · 04/02/2018 12:32

Can i ask op, you said on your OP that you had organised (presume reserved these items) and your friend insisted she help you out by taking you to pick items up.
If she hadn't offered how would you have got them home?
Had you ordered them before she offered?

ZiggyBarDust · 04/02/2018 12:32

Ear aches are miserable, painful and can make you feel really grotty. They can often (middle and inner particularly) be made worse by travelling.

The kid is seven. Give your friend a break.

minionsrule · 04/02/2018 12:32

I still think it was crap mind, no one else to look after DD then fair enough

KnobZombie7 · 04/02/2018 12:34

You've got a crap friend there, OP, sorry. Earache couldn't be helped but she didn't even apologise or show any understanding about how her inaction could have affected you financially or otherwise. She should have done her best to try to arrange something else for you.

However, was there no way to rearrange your collection day? Don't rely on her again.

Rudgie47 · 04/02/2018 12:35

Why couldnt you have asked the shop to deliver it? Surely it wouldnt have cost as much as you paid for the taxi.
With the friend I think its one of those ones where you cant be 100% she was being a flake.I've had earache twice when it was so bad I nearly went to A and E. She might have been thinking along those lines and needed her boyfriend for support.
I think what I would do is stay loosely friends with her but I woud be doing her no favours at all for many years. She has her boyfriend. I'd put her on the back burner.

Original poster

Lisajohn234 · 04/02/2018 12:46

I only ordered them from that particular warehouse after she offered.
Argos was more expensive and wanted £12.95 two man delivery,so she said to save me nearly £13 and cheaper furniture she would take me.
She did say she felt bad and hoped I got other arrangements sorted.
She is a close friend,I am probably over reacting.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lisajohn234 · 04/02/2018 12:47

It wasn’t a shop it was just a warehouse clearance place on a retail park.
They don’t deliver,I only heard about them via Facebook.

OP posts:

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