To not invited 2 out of the class

[Sofedupandtired]

My dd is one of 2 if a class of 30 that has not been invited to a birthday party. Children are 6/7 years. I understand that parties are expensive and numbers are cut down as they progress through school but still only 2 not invited!!! To me that is pure spite.

My dd plays with said child and has asked why she hasn't been in invited when she plays with them and someone who doesn't play with them has been invited.

There is a mummy's group on Facebook and I really want to post something on it but would that make me appear bitter? 🤬

OP the only time i can think of this happening is when bullies are excluded from class size parties.

You say they play together. Could you maybe have a quiet word with the teacher to find out if this is a happy friendship? If the the teacher has no concerns i personally would have contacted the mum along the lines ''is there anything i need to know about my daughter in school as im worried about why she's only 1 of 2 not invited?'

Has there been a problem between the children recently? Have you asked the parent if there is an issue? Could it be your child has been given the invite and lost/mislaid it? I would private message the party organiser and just clarify?

Personally I think parties at that age should be for all or none at all! Hope it gets sorted OP

Could the invite have been mislaid?
Or the mum going off a class list that doesn’t include you DD?
Could be that the invites were written on a day they had had a falling out??

I can honestly say that they is no issues between said children. This isn't the first year this has happened with same child. I have been into school to ask if there is any problems and I am told no.

The only thing I can think is that the mother has an issue with me. I have never been rude and always said hello.

I won't be after this.

In that case i would contact the mother of the other excluded child and organise an amazing trip together for your dc.

Depending on my mood i might post pics on the mummy group with a message. But it is antagonistic.

Stay out of it! And definitely do not post on Facebook about it!

Please don't start to be rude to this woman, it could negatively impact your child. Just rise above it and continue as is.

I blame the parent personally. No way would I allow one or 2 children to be excluded if the whole class had been invited.
It's spiteful and petty. If there's an issue it should have been addressed.

If it makes you feel any better, OP, I'm an infant teacher, and I would judge the parent very harshly. (Please note - this wouldn't change my view of their child, though I'd feel a bit sorry for them having those parents).

My experience of 'left out' children, btw, is that they're not the bullies/unkind children - these always seem to get invitations.

That's very unfair and exclusive.
I don't blame you for being upset and highly pissed off.

Id be giving the parents the cold shoulder as well.

It's not a nice class in terms of parents.

It's very hard to raise above it when it has happened more than once and I never ever want my child to think they have done anything wrong.

Moaning on FB (a mummy group alone sounds awful) or giving the mum the cold shoulder for not inviting a child is far prettier than no invite in the first place.

Down to the child and mum who they invite, there's no obligation to invite all. How do you know only two have not been invited?

Stay out of it; I can understand why you're cross and upset, but nothing good will come out of posting on Facebook.

I'm sorry for your child that this has happened to them, but in all honesty I wouldn't want to associate any further with a parent who allows this to happen, if there are no issues between the children.

But keep it all to yourself, upsetting though it is. You won't come out of it looking good if you kick off about it.

Does your child share a first name with another child? Is there any way the other parent doesn't know the child exists? Sorry I know it's hard I've been there. It happened my daughter in her first year and she was a bit upset. I can only think it's because the other mom was relying on a 5 year old telling her the names of everyone in her class.

It is nasty, I wod not do anything. Just reassure your dd it's not her fault, and nothing to do with her. Just plan a nice day out

I think that is really mean. It's bad enough when a good friend is left out when fewer are invited. But a whole class and leaving two out - says a lot about the parents. I would cool it off with said parents and wouldn't have the child to my house again. Don't complain on FB. And don't ask teacher to get involved with this as it's an out of school thing.

Seems mean just leaving two out

Don't post anything though or involve teacher

Not inviting two out of 30 is really really harsh. Are you absolutely sure there has t been a mistake?

If not why do you think it could be?

I would ask the mother, politely (irl not on Facebook). What's the worst that can happen?

My DD(7) tells me that her school don't hand out invitations in class now unless it's a whole class thing, so that any left out children aren't "sad". It seems there must have been a problem and parents were taking it up with school
Inviting 10 people, fine, but excluding 2 out of 28/30 is at best thoughtless at worst spiteful.
I have come to realise that being a nice kind person doesn't guarantee friends (you see it on here all the time, too), and more unpleasant, bitchy, bullying types never seem to be short of them.

I hope your DAD isn't too sad, OP.

DD of course!

It's a nasty mean thing to do. My DD was 7 and went to a very small school when one of my friends had a swimming party and food after for her DD and asked all the girls in the school (around 20). I'd done the same for my DD a few months before and it was a flat fee regardless of numbers as it was private hire. The only one left out was my DD, and by the end of the week of the party, after hearing the kids all talking about it on and on, she was heartbroken and it really dented her confidence. I never asked why, and let it go but it completely ruined the friendship for me and I backed right off.

I wish now that I'd acknowledged how upset my DD was, and think you should just ask outright "was there a reason why my DD was not included, as she was very upset to be left out and I'm struggling to understand why - if there is an issue I'd prefer to deal with it rather than ignore it". Be non confrontational, but don't let it go without comment.

If its happened before, then I would think its a problem between you and the mother. Irrational as it seems, people do seem to view this as acceptable in their own minds. That's assuming that everything is ok between your DD and the party child.

It's not nice just to leave a few children out, but you are over-reacting OP. I appreciate that you feel hurt for your daughter but don't take it out on the other parents because you will be the one in the wrong then! Rise above it and continue to be friendly, especially if the children like playing together.