To not invited 2 out of the class

[Sofedupandtired]

My dd is one of 2 if a class of 30 that has not been invited to a birthday party. Children are 6/7 years. I understand that parties are expensive and numbers are cut down as they progress through school but still only 2 not invited!!! To me that is pure spite.

My dd plays with said child and has asked why she hasn't been in invited when she plays with them and someone who doesn't play with them has been invited.

There is a mummy's group on Facebook and I really want to post something on it but would that make me appear bitter? 🤬

Said parent is there every morning and afternoon so know who is in the class. I know they are the only two not invited because other parents have asked if we are going.

I won't post on FB because it will cause problems and still mean child isn't invited but I will not involve myself with this person again. If that makes me petty n spiteful will I have joined her ranks.

This has happened to my dd
It's shit and you feel so bad for them but it's life. I think we need to prepare them for things like this because hey will happen. Too many kids these days have zero resilience and no capacity to deal with rejection or adversity.
IMO you could use this as an opportunity to manage this positively.
But yanbu, it's not a nice feeling

Can I just ask how you know who has been invited? My DD is in year 1 and her invitations are put in her book bag by the teacher - not handed to anyone. I would have absolutely no idea who was invited.

Thank you for all your comments. Both me and partner have been nothing but nice to other parents n children. We were both brought up as such. Parent of other child left out is the same.

OP, There’s nothing you can do to change this...as you said they are not a nice group of parents. A previous poster suggested a day out with the other kid who wasn’t invited, I think that’s a great idea..Id make sure it was something a lot better than a crappy kids party. A trip to the Zoo or something special. It would give them something to talk about at school and not make them feel so excluded. Don’t discuss it on FB though, you’re better than that 😉

Invitation are handed out in class

Maybe on the weekend of the party you could arrange for your kid to have a play date with the other kid, so they can do something fun together?

Thank you mermaid. I am better than that 😉

That's rubbish. I feel bad enough about only inviting half the girls in dd's class (party was at our small house!). Wish could fit them all in!

Have you been inviting this child to your dc's parties? I would stop

@Sofedupandtired

Don't post on Facebook. Don't be rude.

I've been in this situation and it sucks. I'd let the class teacher know in case there is an ongoing issue and say nothing else. Maybe ask the parent of other excluded child if they know anything. Keep your cards close to your chest and don't get sucked into bitching.

Oh and in the coming years if they are great mates and your child is invited to their house, don't forget how they treated them initially. You might find the exclusion suddenly occurs again and as they are older it is much more painful.

It is vile behaviour but don't post on Facebook. I learnt the hard way.

Take your dd out for a nice treat instead.

If it were me I would message the other mum and 'Just check that the invitation hadn't gone missing?' If DD really wasn't invited this then gives you the opportunity to query why. If you have several years left with these families at school better issues are resolved earlier rather than later. Of course party child has the right to invite who she wants, but it would be nice to know that this really is the case and not just a mislaid invite.

I can't believe the amount of people saying this is just thoughtless or life.

It is downright spiteful to invite a whole class bar two or even a handful of people. Parents know that. They are thoughtless or forgetful. It is a pointed act and a really spiteful one.

They just don't give a shit though.

To me that is pure spite

You have no idea what is going on here, it might be pure spite, it might be something else entirely. I missed a child out once as our school refuses to give out class lists so I was relying on a 6 year old to remember who was in the class and what their names were.

I was very embarrassed when I relaised after the event and apologised to the mother, but she probably thought I was a spiteful cow too.

We have invited them to our child's party. Last year, after 2 years of not getting an invite, partner said I'm not inviting that child. I said no can't invite all the girls n leave one out. More fool me.

It is a pointed act and you are right Bogmoppit, they don't give a shit and won't be sat chewing themselves over it.

Who sits down and thinks - I know - I am going to write out 28 invites for a class of 30 and leave two out . I mean really - how do you even get to that place. Some people's thought processes just baffle me.

Did the child come to your dc's parties?

I guess it could be an error but multiple years in a row? And surely anyone can count to 30 and work out two are missing.

I have a relative who arranges parties specifically to exclude someone who she perceives has done her a very minor wrong.

Could she be jealous of you, OP?

This has happened to my children too for no reason whatsoever. I had never even met the mum.

Rise above. Its the only way. Be glad you are a good person because in my opinion people who do this have something wrong with them.

At my child's school, invitations are only handed out in class if everyone is invited. Otherwise the teacher takes nothing to do with it. Seriously, I would complain to the teacher, they should not be assisting non-school events if they aren't inclusive.

I would complain to the teacher, they should not be assisting non-school events if they aren't inclusive

Please don't. Teachers are busy enough without sorting out parties. Our school has a policy of having nothing to do with parties. They won't supply class lists, won't hand out invitations, won't assist children in writing invitations. I can absolutely see why they take that line to be honest, it's a total minefield.

For some reason that parent either dislikes you or your child. Unless there is a mutual friend who could enlighten you I fear you won’t be finding out.

Weird though if they accept your invitations.

I really doubt it was intentional, if it bothers you that much then send the mum a light hearted message just saying something like “it’s totally fine if not, but was just wondering if dd was invited but the invite was mislaid. Let me know either way, like I said it’s no problem but just wanted to be sure - thanks”
This has happened twice for us and both times the invite has turned up wedged between PACT books/homework. Once it was too late and I hadn’t asked, the second I was quietly wondering if it was deliberate, and the invite fell out of the reading book. If I’m inviting the whole class then I’m inviting the whole class. Over about 8-10 kids then it’s all or nothing as it does seem unfair. If I had bullying issues etc then I would have spoken to the school, and they would have spoken to the parent. I don’t think it’s deliberate to exclude 2 it’s too wierd.