To not invited 2 out of the class

[Sofedupandtired]

My dd is one of 2 if a class of 30 that has not been invited to a birthday party. Children are 6/7 years. I understand that parties are expensive and numbers are cut down as they progress through school but still only 2 not invited!!! To me that is pure spite.

My dd plays with said child and has asked why she hasn't been in invited when she plays with them and someone who doesn't play with them has been invited.

There is a mummy's group on Facebook and I really want to post something on it but would that make me appear bitter? 🤬

At dds school invitations were only handed out if it was for the whole class. Perhaps drop an email to the head as this is a recurrent issue and see if there can be a bit of a policy shift.

Although it's hurtful, I always think it's better to know which parents are capable of deliberately excluding two children.

This happened to my DD, constantly. It absolutely broke my heart (she was excluded and bullied in school too, but that's another issue). Eventually, with no change in sight, we moved schools, and now she gets lots of invitations and is so much happier.

It's mean and nasty to exclude just one or two children, and I believe it is utterly down to the parents. You have my huge sympathies.

That is just awful. I can't understand why (excepting bullies) that any decent parent would excluded one or two children from a class of that size. It's pathetic and they are beneath your contempt.

If it were me, I'd make a point of inviting my child's friends, regardless of how I felt about their parents BUT I would make it crystal clear to those parents how inadequate I thought they were and be nothing more than glacially polite to them.

If deliberate that’s just mean , and if the children play together I would say the parent has an issue with you .
When my twins were in reception and year one they bareley Got invited to any parties even though they were popular and friends with the hosts , and it used to upset me more than them . I never queried it I was too shy back then .
Year 2-5 they were invited to loads and it cost me a fortune !!!
Year 6 now and they’re less frequent , only 1 so far !
There was once a whole class party and ALL kids were invited , including the severely autistic child (with a very strange dad) , and I thought that was lovely .
My twins were also invited to the party of one of their friends who there was actually conflict between me and his mother due to an incident a few years before . I thought this was lovely of her (thinking of her childs wants before her own ) and really made me look at her differently .
If my boys were the only ones excluded now , I would definitely be finding out why or whether it was a mistake .
Just ask the mother nicely , what do you have to lose ?

It's the parents being rude arseholes. My DD had a full class party a few years ago and asked to be allowed to leave out two "tricky" boys from the class, but I told her she either had to invite everyone or have a much smaller party. Because that's the polite thing to do.
I wouldn't post on facebook, though. Have a special day with DD and know that you're a better person!

Something similar happened to my ds. I only found out when we got the class mascot and its diary home for the weekend and there it was - gloriously displayed in photos on one of the pages, enjoying a party with what looked like most of his class I was really shocked that some one would do that. But like someone else said it seemed to bother me more than my ds. I think it's very unkind though, and don't really understand what would go through someone's mind when excluding just one or two children like that.

Just because your dd says everyone else is invited or doesn't mean they are - even if a lot were and it felt like that to her. Surely you haven't spoken to all of the class parents about it?
If she is one of 2 left out I can only see 4 possible reasons 1. The mother is rude and has allowed her child to exclude 2 people for no reason 2. Your dd was invited but the invitation went astray 3. Your was was invited last time, the invitation went astray and mother hasn't invited you this time because she thought you were rude for not replying 4. Your dd and the other excluded child have been particularly mean to the birthday girl and the mum felt justified excluding them.
Whatever the reason nothing good will come of sympathy seeking on Facebook about it. I would organise something amazing for my child on that day and invite the other excluded child if they are friends. If you post anything on Facebook let it be pictures of your child enjoying themselves and a gushing Happy Birthday message to the birthday child.

I accidentally omitted DS's best friend once. His invitation had separated from the pile and wasn't given out with the rest of the class. His mum got wind and asked me about it nicely in the playground and it was all resolved.

This sounds more deliberate though.

I'm glad DS's school gave out invitations. In yR we'd had to write "classmate" on the invitations 29 times as neither of us had a clue who was in his class. There was no way to give them out directly as he was always dropped off/ picked up via out of hours club. At least in y1 we could work out who was in his class from the class photo!

Are you absolutely sure the invite hasn't been mislaid?

In this situation I would be tempted to check:
"Dear x
I understand the whole class have been invited to your dc's party, but my dc has apparently mislaid their invite. Could you please let me know if they are invited?"

I am having a party today. I got a reply yesterday, saying that they had just found the invite. It does happen. Pretty much every party I have done an invite has gone amiss.

Hope it is just something straightforward like that.

I don't think that any of the possible reasons below are in any way acceptable but, given that it happened last year too, could it be that:

a) The mum only invites children whose parents she can network with or get favours/childcare from or something?
b) Does your child have additional needs? - some parents are either intolerant and/or frightened of this.
c) Does your child have any allergies or do you as a family have any unusual dietary or religious beliefs? - again, some parents are nervous of these or can't be bothered to accommodate.
d) Are you a lone ethnic minority or same sex couple in a very homogenous school? - some parents are just horrible, bigoted people after all!
e) Are you from a socio economically deprived area or family in a generally affluent school - again, some parents are just horrible!

Not necessarily questions for you to answer on the thread as they might be a bit personal. But they might be a reason for the lack of invite.

On the other hand, you say they 'aren't a nice group of parents.' To be fair, if a larger group of people all get on well and seem to think each other are nice, it is, ime, quite likely that the one person thinks they aren't nice is actually the one who is not especially easy to get on with. That of course depends on why you are saying they aren't nice. It's possible they are indeed all awful!

Whatever the reason, it's a horrible thing to do to a child and there's no excuse for it. I'm really sorry it's happened.

“OP the only time I can think of this happening is when bullies are excluded from class size parties.”

Or when the Queen Bee bully tells the party child not to invite certain people , or if the parent of the party child is spiteful. I hate this sort of thing. I think the idea of doing something else with the non party child is an excellent idea.

Sofedupandtired
Invitation are handed out in class

That is awful. Its nasty to leave out only 2 kids in a class but to do it in front of the excluded children is really awful of the school. It wouldn't have been allowed in any of the schools my kids went to. I WOULD speak to the school about it.

@hibbledibble
I did that once, thinking quite reasonably that was the case!

It wasn't.

One of her friends didn't like me and she wanted to invite her more than me. The whole of my antenatal group went but us. It was excruciating for them and me. The party mum whined at me telling her I should be more considerate of her feelings because it made her feel bad (but instead of telling her friend to act like an adult, she acquiesced). It fucked up the antenatal gatherings totally. She felt too awkward to see me, i felt too humiliated.

My dd and other child have been on the receiving end of this child and another child nastiness. My child is no angel but I know full well she isn't a bully.

I found out from other mums about party not DD. Invite hasn't gone missing, honestly wish that was the case.
I am a great believer that everything comes full circle no matter how long you have to wait.

I imagine the mother has a different take on the issues between the children - whether it's justified or not.

My dd and other child have been on the receiving end of this child and another child nastiness.

My cousin was expecially nasty to me on her birthday parties. If your dd had been invited and gone to the party, the girl may have mean to your dd? I think it's better for your dd not to go or to invite this child to her own parties in future.

I would have no qualms about excluding these 2 nasty kids from dd's next whole class party.

A mum at my daughters school did this, didn't invite my daughter and another, never invited her for all primary. It was because my daughter has SEN and she didn't want her daughter to be friends with mine.

She's a complete bitch in my opinion, do what I do and whenever you see her, drive past her, give her the finger or the V's, subtlety of course. It always makes me feel better.