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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my hospital is not managing my surgery properly?

56 replies

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 08:37

Posted about my current situation before but for an overview: fourth miscarriage, second missed miscarriage. Medical management was traumatic and has left me with flashbacks so I asked for a D&C this time. I also have a history of clinical depression.

My hospital agreed but is making me wait a week. During this time I’m having panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks and can barely get out of bed because I feel so depressed. This is because I am terrified of miscarrying naturally before the surgery.

My hospital still won’t do it earlier despite me telling them this. I have felt dangerously low yesterday and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable to think they’re being negligent given my history? Because if they are I want to seek advice.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 03/02/2018 08:39

I can't see how they're being negligent th. Handhold though and hope the week flies.

Rockandrollwithit · 03/02/2018 08:41

I don't think they are being negligent, just really busy. It must be so tough for you at the moment OP, do you have lots of support around you?

Original poster
TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 08:41

In that they’re leaving it too long, knowing I’m going to be having severe panic attacks in between? Everyone I’ve spoken to seems shocked they’re making me wait for it. Perhaps it’s normal then.

OP posts:
deaddeadgood · 03/02/2018 08:42

They probably physically cannot fit you in earlier. I had to wait a week for my MVA and was terrified of natural mc before but luckily made it. Second time I was not so lucky. I feel for you but not sure how they are negligent. Can you go private?

Original poster
TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 08:42

I do but my DP is also depressed because of these losses. I have a DS from a previous relationship and I feel I can’t look after him to my full ability when I feel like this and I’m letting him down.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 08:43

I don’t have the money to go private, sadly, or I would.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 03/02/2018 08:48

You need to ask for a referral to mental health or anxiety support as well. This can be managed but at the moment it seems you're trying to deal with it alone. It's not the week wait which is the issue, although I totally appreciate your fear. Sorry, multiple losses are awful and such a soul destroying thing. It doesn't seem right that you'd have to fight for support as well but unfortunately you might have to.

Rockandrollwithit · 03/02/2018 08:48

I think the individual members of staff you have seen more than likely sympathise and wish they could do it earlier but probably can not.

Whilst panic attacks are completely awful for you, they are very common and may not be seen as a reason to move the op. I don't mean that in an unkind way at all. Also the other patients in the list may also have physical or mental health needs. I say this as someone with MH problems too - I had psychosis following the birth of DS1.

As hard as it will be, try to focus on looking after yourself for the next week. What things have helped you in the past with depression and could they help now? I really hope the week passes quickly for you Flowers

Hoppinggreen · 03/02/2018 08:48

I’m sorry for your loss
I don’t think that they would make you wait unless they had to, medically it’s not an emergency so other surgeries will be taking priority.
Hope it gets sorted soon

Monoblock67 · 03/02/2018 08:53

I don’t think they’d make you wait a week for no reason, they probably just don’t have the space to fit you in. A week sounds about right, unfortunately

Original poster
TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 08:55

I’ve been referred for counselling and I rang crisis last night because I felt awful. The lady I spoke to thinks I’m traumatised by my previous experience and has said she will ring me every day until I get my appointment.

It’s made worse by me still feeling pregnant, I still feel sick. So that isn’t helping either.

I just feel stuck, unable to move forward and like I’m in a literal living hell. I just want to curl up in bed but I have to look after DS so I can’t.

OP posts:
nextDayDelivery · 03/02/2018 09:19

What's happening to you (medically) is awful but no, I don't think they're being negligent and you shouldn't be looking to blame them.

Rockandrollwithit · 03/02/2018 09:20

Glad the crisis team are supporting you OP.

NewYearNewMe18 · 03/02/2018 09:22

In asking to be moved forward you will be bumping others off the surgical list - you don't know that your need is greater than theirs.

Also, you have no idea of staffing. If it were an emergency you would be seen

Original poster
TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 09:25

Why does emergency only count as physical health though? Why is mental health not an emergency?

OP posts:
jacks11 · 03/02/2018 09:28

Sympathies, OP- you're going through a horrible time but I am glad that you have some support from the crisis team.

In answer to your question: no I don't think the hospital are not being negligent. They are doing the procedure as requested, and probably fitted you in as soon as they can. They have to weight up the needs of every patient- fitting you in sooner would most likely mean cancelling someone else from the list and perhaps there is no one suitable.

People you tell are shocked because they are worried about you and want what is best. I see this a lot at work.

SwarmOfCats · 03/02/2018 09:30

Mental health is classed as an emergency. If you were in immediate danger you could have an ambulance.

Panic attacks won’t be seen as a mental health emergency, unfortunately. It’s good that you’re being referred for counselling though, this will help.

jaseyraex · 03/02/2018 09:32

I don't know if it's negligent as such but in my opinion it seems like you should be seen sooner given the circumstances. Your mental health is clearly feeling fragile and it should be important to not let that get any worse. Can you keep on at them? Ask if someone could get in touch if there's even a chance they could fit you in sooner? Glad to see the crisis team are supporting you Flowers

Original poster
TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 09:34

I asked to be on a cancellation list, but they said people don’t usually cancel.

OP posts:
Partypopper123 · 03/02/2018 09:36

Sorry about your loss.
I' m afraid I don't think the hospital are being negligent though. They will have given you the first available appointment. I know it's hard but in my experience there is always a 'wait' between finding out a mmc has occurred and the procedure. I had to wait 2 weeks, It was torturous.
To me a week is normal although i appreciate its a very sad time.

Original poster
TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 09:38

I had to wait six weeks last time because medical management failed (it was incomplete) and I ended up with an infection. I was 15 weeks when all tissue was removed, baby died at 7 and was discovered at 9.

I am just very frightened.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 03/02/2018 09:39

It’s a horrible situation but unfortunately a weeks wait isn’t negligent and I would imagine everyone going through that is struggling and needs it done as soon as possible.

nextDayDelivery · 03/02/2018 09:39

"I asked to be on a cancellation list, but they said people don’t usually cancel."

I understand that and suspect it's true.

"Why is mental health not an emergency?"

It is hence the crisis team. The assumption you're making is that your situation is worse than other people's. It might be to you but that doesn't mean it is.

Original poster
TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 09:41

I suspect the problem is more likely funding and staffing, and to be fair I don’t think anyone should have to wait a week for this. It’s cruel.

OP posts:
Partypopper123 · 03/02/2018 09:41

It's understandable you are frightened after your experience, please keep talking to your crisis team.
You have a week to wait this time, not 6. I know it's a tough wait Flowers