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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my hospital is not managing my surgery properly?

56 replies

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 08:37

Posted about my current situation before but for an overview: fourth miscarriage, second missed miscarriage. Medical management was traumatic and has left me with flashbacks so I asked for a D&C this time. I also have a history of clinical depression.

My hospital agreed but is making me wait a week. During this time I’m having panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks and can barely get out of bed because I feel so depressed. This is because I am terrified of miscarrying naturally before the surgery.

My hospital still won’t do it earlier despite me telling them this. I have felt dangerously low yesterday and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable to think they’re being negligent given my history? Because if they are I want to seek advice.

OP posts:

Hedgehog80 · 03/02/2018 09:47

So sorry you’re going through this OP
I just wanted to ask have you had tests for TSH level and progesterone levels? Xx

m0therofdragons · 03/02/2018 09:49

They usually wait a week. How many weeks were you at your scan? At 6 weeks my sac was empty and "non viable" a week later they rescanned before the procedure as I'd had some bleeding but not full mc (2 previous mc). My non viable pg had turned into 2 beating heartbeats and I'm mnetting while cuddling my 2 6yos.

I'm not saying this is always the case and know I'm unusual however I'm not alone and medically it is sometimes appropriate to wait.

The week between was horrible so I really am sympathetic but this isn't about funding it's about appropriate care. Many people have anxiety and depression but that doesn't get you bumped up the list above someone with a physical need as that could be life threatening. Only exception would be if you were suicidal but then they would treat that not speed up the procedure.

Original poster

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 09:50

Ive had TSH and it was 1, they wouldn’t test progesterone. I had cyclogest this pregnancy from 6 weeks but I’m pretty sure I was supposed to take them earlier. No one would prescribe them to me earlier.

I’ve got an appointment in a few weeks to have bloods done. DP had a semen analysis and he was perfectly fine.

The only thing they’ve seen is a possible blocked tube on my left, which they said could be leaking, but they’re unsure. They think it might be a sign of endometriosis as I had horrendous periods, have never had an infection and have it in my family.

But until the tests are done, we don’t know.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 09:52

M0ther mine had a heartbeat seen twice at 6 weeks, and then at 8 weeks there was no heartbeat and the baby was 5mm. So I don’t think they’re waiting to see if it recovers.

I’m glad you had a happy ending with yours

OP posts:

Hedgehog80 · 03/02/2018 09:56

TSH is fine then I just thought it was worth mentioning

I took progesterone from the day I had a positive test so 4 weeks with my recent pregnancy so maybe speak to your dr about an earlier start if you try again.
When I had a mmc years ago they made me wait two weeks initially (conservative management) then another week for erpc it was awful like you I was terrified
Can you ask them if they have any cancellations or would going private be a possibility ?

Hedgehog80 · 03/02/2018 09:58

Yes a hydrosalpinx could cause problems that’s def something to get confirmed or ruled out as the fluid they leak is awful

Original poster

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 09:59

I’ve asked about cancellations and they said people rarely cancel. I can’t afford to go private right now. I spent hundreds on private early scans and the progesterone...only to miscarry again.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 10:00

Every dr I’ve seen about it keeps saying “well your other tube looks fine and you’re getting pregnant” but the one I saw recently said it could be an issue and could also indicate adhesions.

They suspected I had endometriosis when I was a teenager but because it caused no problems with DS, no one investigated further.

OP posts:

MiniCooperLover · 03/02/2018 10:01

I'm sorry OP, it's a very difficult situation for you to be in, I've been there and had to wait a week for my op. It's difficult but they aren't doing it to you deliberately. There's only so many operating lists on whatever day etc. A week is about a normal wait.

Hedgehog80 · 03/02/2018 10:06

Are you seen by an nhs clinic either fertility or recurrent mc? If not would your gp refer you as it sounds like they should be now investigating properly

Obviously you need to get through the next few weeks and recover but referrals can take a while so may be worth getting get set up and insisting on some proper investigations. You should be able to get progesterone on prescription and early scans from an epau it’s unfair you’re having to pay so much at andkresdu difficult time xx

Original poster

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 10:12

Got an appointment with a miscarriage clinic later this month.

OP posts:

Maatsuyker · 03/02/2018 10:18

Oh it's awful to wait. But I do think that the hospital are doing their best. They can't bump some other poor soul off of the list for you. You're all in the same boat. Can the GP prescribe you something to help with your feelings? Something like oxazepam will take the edge off of your feelings and stabilize you a bit more.

HoppingPavlova · 03/02/2018 10:22

I am so sorry about what has happened. It’s not fair and it sucks the big one.

They are not negligent though. I’m sure everyone concerned would love to help you sooner but are doing the best they can with the resources they have. They will have put you in the soonest slot they have available.

Original poster

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 10:23

I asked for diazepam, which I’ve ysed for years and been fine with, but they wouldn’t prescribe it due to me being a “suicide risk”

Instead I got zopiclone which induced a flashback and made me hysterical. Thanks for that GP

OP posts:

NorthernLurker · 03/02/2018 10:27

I can see you feel very poorly treated op but I honestly think your medical team are doing the best they can for you. Neither funding nor staffing is infinite. The NHS can't run half empty lists and there are genuinely huge shortages of nurses.

Original poster

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 12:45

Fucking hell. I’ve got yellow tinged discharge. It’s starting, like I knew it would. Fuck. Fuck. I can’t do this again.

OP posts:

Rockandrollwithit · 03/02/2018 12:50

Are you on your own OP? Can someone come and support you?

Original poster

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 12:51

With my partner and son. Partner is with son now and I’m lying down for a minute. I really hope it doesn’t start fully and holds off. :(

OP posts:

Rockandrollwithit · 03/02/2018 12:53

Can anyone take your son out for the day? Or come specifically for you?

You can do this OP, whatever happens.

TheSecondOfHerName · 03/02/2018 12:54

They would do it earlier if they could.

I had a baby die in utero at 20 weeks, the second pregnancy running where this had happened. After delivering the baby's body, the placenta didn't detach, so I was still had an umbilical cord hanging out of me. I had to wait a day for the d&c to remove it (the emergency list was very busy) and that was bad enough, so I do sympathise.

I have also had a spontaneous miscarriage at home, with no medical support. Even if your worst fears come true and that ends up happening, you will get through it.

Original poster

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 12:55

My mum is having him tomorrow but she’s out today. I don’t have any siblings and DS has SEN (likely autism) so he wouldn’t just go out with friends of mine instead of family.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 12:56

TheSecondOfHerName

I just want to say I’m so sorry that has happened to you. Pregnancy loss is horrific, my four have all been before 12 weeks and that sounds awful.

OP posts:

Namechangedtoscream · 03/02/2018 12:58

I totally sympathise. My last miscarriage I had an ERPC at the hospitals insistence so baby could have genetic testing done. They said they couldn't give me a time slot but I'll be put on the emergency list. I got called in and sent home 3 times in the course of a week. Like you I was terrified of losing naturally whilst waiting however as it was a mmc the chances of that happening were incredibly slim.

Sending you lots of love

MatildaTheCat · 03/02/2018 13:00

Can you call OOH for an appointment to discuss getting some medication to get you through the next few days? It’s understandable but not really helpful to you to blame the medical staff for your situation.

You need a plan to survive the next week or so. That should be support from both family and health carers. It will be tough but you can do it. Can your dh come home and take you out somewhere local for a change of air? And feed you. In the meantime breathe and breathe. It helps.

TheSecondOfHerName · 03/02/2018 13:00

Thank you for your thoughts, it was horrendous at the time but I'm OK now.

Take each minute and then hour at a time. Get through that one and then do the next one. You can get through this.

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