To Clean Lodger's Room?

[MarriedToNetflix]

NC for this.

I live with my husband and female friend who's our lodger. She pays rent every month and has her own room while having full use of the rest of the house. She works nights (5 on, 2 off) and we're all in our early thirties.

Lodger has always been lazy. She never cleans the communal areas but has always seen to her room. About a year ago she brought a cat home who was due to be put down that belonged to her friend and it didn't get along with our cat so she keeps it confined to her room at all times. The cat won't leave the room even if the door is open so while I've been concerned about the cat, I've been told she's fine.

Lodger hasn't cooked in months. She orders takeaway, eats in her room and doesn't take the rubbish out. She does a big clean maybe once a month and fills our bin up when she does it. I haven't spoken to her about this because I didn't want her to be embarrassed.

She's been away for four days with no contact. I tried texting her asking if she was coming home and if she needed me to feed the cat. No response. Called many times. One ring and straight to voicemail. Mutual friends said she was out drinking Wednesday and yesterday so I knew she was safe but I couldn't get hold of her at all. I'm annoyed because I've fed her cat on request before but either a) she expected me to feed the cat or b) didn't mind the cat starving with no fresh water for days.

After realising the cat hadn't been fed in two days I went into her room to feed it and OH MY GOD THE MESS. Cat litter and poo on the carpet, clothes everywhere, tins and tins of empty cat food on the side and the smell was disgusting. I fed the cat and left but mentioned it to my husband who went upstairs and said he could smell it on the landing. He said we couldn't live like this and went in to change the cats litter tray, take out the three black bags of rubbish he found including one of used cat litter and to crack a window.

Lodger came home today and said hello. We didn't say anything. She obviously noticed her room was cleaner and didn't confront us. We went out and came home to her leaving for work through the front door without even saying goodbye as usual so she's annoyed.

Was this unreasonable to feed her cat and expect not to live in filth in our home? It was absolutely reeking. Planning on having a conversation Sunday when I next see her about where to go from here.

The issue with the cat is intolerable. Mind you, I would never have let it get to this stage because I wouldn't have allowed someone to keep a cat shut up in one room in the first place.

I think the text doesn't sound anywhere near firm enough. But fingers crossed it does the trick anyway.

Please don’t let the RSPCA near that cat if she’s older as, if they do take her they are unlikely to bother trying to rehome her and will probably just put her to sleep.

God, that sounds grim!
You need to be firm, she's got to go.

She's now downstairs and hasn't mentioned anything.

DH has found her a place in a house one of his co-workers lives in. Close to her work, a room twice the size of the one here for £100 bond and £300 rent per week that allows pets. She could realistically be out within a month but she's terrible at saving so she probably won't be.

I'm being firm. I'm sending her a text with the landlords details in and telling her I need her out by March 1st. She'll have no choice but to save her next two fortnights wages to move as the landlord wants someone in ASAP and she won't get this deal again.

I'm pleased to see your update op, I was going to say to text her as you then have proof of dates and the state of her room. Even better that she has responded and acknowledged the issues.

DH has found her a place in a house one of his co-workers lives in. Close to her work, a room twice the size of the one here for £100 bond and £300 rent per week that allows pets...She'll have no choice but to save her next two fortnights wages to move as the landlord wants someone in ASAP and she won't get this deal again.

Does her potential new landlord know about the issues here?

oops think your name change failed op

Glad to hear you and DH are firm and together on this

Bloody failed NC. Not that huge of a deal though.

£300 pw?!

Sorry, per month!

I’m not sure your husband’s co-worker will thank him for this.

Omg I know its ure house but she pays rent and in return expects u not to go into her room when she's not there and clean u have snooped through her stuff that is out of order why are u hounding her when she isn't in she is allowed to. have a drink cat is her responsibility not ures if u feared for it should have reported it to RSPCA and they would have dealt with it u didn't notice any of this mess and smell until u went into u're lodges room that she pays for without her permission and then all of a sudden it's the smell etc so u took it upon herself to clean it up and so she would notice on return that u had entered bedroom with out permission it's half ure responsibility for nit doing check on the bedroom as any landlord would do she is urd tenant and it's up to her how she lives not yours and so what if she eats take away she's allowed are you keeping Arab on her she's kept shared room clean so is respectable to that but she likes to live in an riot maybe it got to bad for her she doesn't know where to start and couldn't ask for ure help incase she lost her vhome but the cat has to go as its not fair keeping it in room think it's time u sat her down and had a meeting and u were in the room it's not acceptable as this is ure house is there a problem cleaning it do u need a hand car needs to be home by tomorrow at tea time also tell her it's a final warning u will be checking room every Friday nyt and it needs to be in condition she received it in yes she has a stinking messy room but there's no need to make someone homeless every one makes mistakes and this is hers

Have you actually read the thread?!

I wonder what laura was smoking

laura
A little gift for future use

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@Laura you're the lodger aren't you?!

All completely irrelevant what Laura just said. She's not a tenant she's a LODGER in OP's house. There are no legal ties to keep a lodger in your house. OP could have her out today if she wanted.

@Laura65988 "snooping through her stuff" - what stuff, cat poo?!

Leaving an animal for an entire weekend without food or water is against the law. It is also incredibly cruel and I wouldn't put up with that in my house, no matter how much rent someone was paying for the privilege. Are you actually saying it would have been more helpful for the OP to have contacted the RSPCA and potentially have them bring criminal charges for animal cruelty rather than just go in and feed the cat and clear up the mess themselves? Would that have genuinely helped the lodger more with her problems in life?

We can all sympathise with the lodger, if there are mental health problems, but the animal cruelty definitely negates the right to privacy. I personally think the excrement and rotting food do too and, as the law stands, would definitely support the eviction process.

If you feel that strongly that the OP is wrong, try writing in actual sentences to enable your points to come across with clarity and lend weight to your argument.

Update!

Lodger told me this morning she's been accepted for a place in town that takes pets. I talked to her about my concern for the cat and that concern wouldn't go away because she's moving out. I explained that I thought the cat would be better rehomed and she disagreed - basically told me to mind my own business, her cat and her life.

She hasn't paid full rent as apparently she can't afford to pay that and move but will start moving out next Thursday and be out properly within two weeks. I resigned to losing £80 and struggling financially because I need this to be over. So fingers crossed this all goes smoothly within the next two weeks.

As of April money will be fine as DH has a new job starting but until then we're going to need to be very frugal however it's a small price to pay when this issue is over and done with.

It's not appropriate for her to keep a cat locked up in one room.

I would strongly consider reporting her to the RSPCA. That poor cat.

She is shorting you £80, plus whatever she should have paid for you to clean her shit. I would take the cat as payment and get it somewhere to be rehired pronto. I bet it will be locked in another shit filled room in another house with her abandoning it for days on end again. Literal hell on earth for a cat.

I couldn't do nothing and have that animals fate on my conscience. Tell her it escaped, blame someone else- gasman, electrician opened door, it ran out and straight out the front door- what's the worse she could do?

*to be rehomed, not rehired (unless it's previous employment came with more suitable accommodation )!

I agree with book. The friendship is over either way and at least if the cat ‘escapes’, you have the comfort of knowing it’s got a better chance. She doesn’t give a shit about the cat or she wouldn’t leave it for days on end. She’s just treating it as if it’s property.

I agree with Book too.

It's her choice to live in squalor: she shouldn't inflict that on a cat.

I agree with others - "accidentally leave a window open" and the cat "must have slipped out..." i.e to a much nicer rehomed house where looked after properly!