To Clean Lodger's Room?

[MarriedToNetflix]

NC for this.

I live with my husband and female friend who's our lodger. She pays rent every month and has her own room while having full use of the rest of the house. She works nights (5 on, 2 off) and we're all in our early thirties.

Lodger has always been lazy. She never cleans the communal areas but has always seen to her room. About a year ago she brought a cat home who was due to be put down that belonged to her friend and it didn't get along with our cat so she keeps it confined to her room at all times. The cat won't leave the room even if the door is open so while I've been concerned about the cat, I've been told she's fine.

Lodger hasn't cooked in months. She orders takeaway, eats in her room and doesn't take the rubbish out. She does a big clean maybe once a month and fills our bin up when she does it. I haven't spoken to her about this because I didn't want her to be embarrassed.

She's been away for four days with no contact. I tried texting her asking if she was coming home and if she needed me to feed the cat. No response. Called many times. One ring and straight to voicemail. Mutual friends said she was out drinking Wednesday and yesterday so I knew she was safe but I couldn't get hold of her at all. I'm annoyed because I've fed her cat on request before but either a) she expected me to feed the cat or b) didn't mind the cat starving with no fresh water for days.

After realising the cat hadn't been fed in two days I went into her room to feed it and OH MY GOD THE MESS. Cat litter and poo on the carpet, clothes everywhere, tins and tins of empty cat food on the side and the smell was disgusting. I fed the cat and left but mentioned it to my husband who went upstairs and said he could smell it on the landing. He said we couldn't live like this and went in to change the cats litter tray, take out the three black bags of rubbish he found including one of used cat litter and to crack a window.

Lodger came home today and said hello. We didn't say anything. She obviously noticed her room was cleaner and didn't confront us. We went out and came home to her leaving for work through the front door without even saying goodbye as usual so she's annoyed.

Was this unreasonable to feed her cat and expect not to live in filth in our home? It was absolutely reeking. Planning on having a conversation Sunday when I next see her about where to go from here.

As a lodger she can be kicked out tomorrow

Not if she's got a contract she can't.

I think she's out of order and you're right to give her notice but why have you allowed her to have the cat living with her in that room for so long?

I’d be cleaning the room, keeping the cat and giving lodger her notice.

That’s disgusting and how can she be so disrespectful? Yes she pay, but doesn’t she see the damage she is causing to your property?

She is your friend. She sounds really unwell. I would be very kind and ask her how she is feeling etc. These are alarm bells for something bigger. I would try and help her if you can?

2 months? Are you barmy? 7 days more like.

OP,

Do you enjoy having this person sharing your household or do you want to murder her (joke).

If the latter, get rid, if the former work out the ground rules.

I get the impression that she is a friend, I may be wrong. That makes it difficult I know. But the bottom line is that is YOUR house with a guest and you call the shots.

What do your instincts tell you right now. And although I am not a cat lover, I would not like any animal to be mistreated either. I think you are being very tolerant here, maybe far too tolerant. She may be testing your boundaries.

Your house, your rules. As you are no doubt aware, lodgers can be evicted immediately, goods bagged up and placed outside. Barrels of the locks changed.

But I would guess that there may be a "talk" before this, but if there is no improvement, out she goes. There is no other way. You need to enjoy your life in your own house.

Oh shit, I’ve just seen your pregnant. You probably know already, but don’t be going ANYWHERE near cat feces, cats feces can carry something called Toxoplasmosis, it can cause serious (up to fatal) issues with foetuses.

Lodgers are entitled to 'reasonable notice' no fixed minimum

If you're pregnant you can't cope with cat poo in your house. It's dangerous. Give her notice right now. Report her to the RSPCA if you can't or won't take her cat to a shelter.

She needs to go ASAP. This isn't appropriate for any of you.

*you’re

Please make sure the cat is rehomed or taken to a shelter, don't let her take the poor thing elsewhere. She's not fit to care for it, it would've been better PTS than kept as she has. If she argues tell her that you will show the photo to the RSPCA and ask them if that's an appropriate way to keep a cat. (RSPCA wouldn't do anything, but hopefully she doesn't know that).

Adalind,

I know, I was bit hasty there with Immediate Eviction!

But still, depending on when rent is paid, either a weekly, fortnightly or monthly either period would probably constitute "reasonable notice" would it?

DH did all the hoovering and litter tray. DH changes our litter tray now I'm pregnant too. If she leaves I'll be using gloves to clean her room out but I don't go near or touch the cat mess.

In regards to mental health issues, she's unmedicated bi polar. I've spoken my concern regarding her sleeping all day and eating very unhealthily and asked if she was feeling okay for the past few months but she's still going to work and going out with friends so she says she's fine and will sort it out, she's just tired from work etc. Like I said, I didn't have any idea this was going on behind her door as I don't go in there unless requested when she's away and I'm usually very respectful of her privacy.

I want to continue this friendship and support her but I can't live like this, especially not with DSS around, being pregnant and all I have going on with chronic health issues, studying, a job and pets of my own. I work really hard keeping my home clean and tidy due to physical health conditions which affect mobility and so this is a massive shock and I'm a bit hurt too that this is what she allows my home to become.

I'm going to talk to her on Sunday when she comes home and DSS leaves and explain that she has one months notice as this isn't working out but the cat needs to be immediately rehomed as it's abuse and a terrible quality of life for her.

If you're pregnant you can't cope with cat poo in your house. It's dangerous.

The OP already has a cat. Obviously I don't know if it has a litter tray but she may already be dealing with cat poo.

For me the friendship would be over. I'd give her a week's notice and be working introducing the cat to mine. No way would I let her take it.

The rent is paid fortnightly.

I enjoy living with her to an extent. I miss our home being OUR home but for financial reasons we needed to take in a lodger. Without her we'd struggle but we'd cope. As in, no treats or expendable income but could still afford to run the car, pay the bills and put food on the table.

Our financial situation changes as of June as DH has a new much better paying job starting and our baby is due in September but our original plan of lodger staying until June is now not viable given the circumstances.

I wouldn't leave it till Sunday TBH
Unfair on you and the cat

So she's been diagnosed as bipolar but isn't receiving any help?

I do feel for her but this situation isn't tenable.

Cat must have a miserable life, you need to focus on your pregnancy, it's a bit awkward with the financial situation and that you want to support her as a friend. I think you really need to have an open conversation with her.

If she's a friend and you'd be better off with the rent could you have a serious talking to her and tell her the room must remain clean and the cat be well looked after, and if not she and the cat will be going (and not as a pair)? Tell her she's so close to being evicted and you're giving her a chance because she's your friend.

I don’t think you need to kick her out but lay down some rules, first of all the cat has to go as it’s unfair keeping a car in a room and it’s messy, she also needs to keep her room clean/tidy. If she can agree to this then she will have to leave. It sounds like she maybe having a tough time with her mental health, staying in her room and eating take away when she used to cook and eat with you, not keeping her room tidy and randomly disappearing for 3 days. Maybe talking to her will scare her into sorting a few things out. You can still offer your support as a friend but you need her to keep her room clean.

I'd be concerned for her mental health tbh. She's showing some signs of depression by the sound of it.

This makes me want to cry for the poor cat. We just took one in and she’s fed twice a day with fresh water at mealtimes and food serving area cleaned thoroughly. Her litter tray is changed at least once a day, more if she poops. Aside from anything else, the stench would be bloody horrific if I left even one poo in there. I couldn’t have my precious little kitty confined to a small room for longer than it takes her to get used to our home- the whole house is her home not just one singular room.

Op you know what you’ve got to do. I’m unmedicated bipolar too, but I keep mood charts to track how I’m doing and seek help whenever I get manic or depressed. It seems like she’s completely not managing hers and that’s worrying- but also, to be perfectly honest, not your problem. She is inflicting her disgusting habits on you, and while it may be a symptom of her poor mental health, she must see and smell what it is doing, her clothes must reek. To not ask you to feed or give her cat fresh water says a lot too. But she must leave. Your home is being destroyed, by her and her cat, and her abuse of the poor animal. Cat faeces in your carpet... you’ll find that difficult to get rid of.

I live with someone like this, but shes my daughter. Its hard enough with her, but I wouldn’t put up with it from anyone else, not even if they were paying. I know first hand how disgusting it is. We have the full bins after a clean up (which we do as soon as we get a chance to get in there), and all the washing. Last time it was 15 loads including almost every towel we own. I had to wash the contents of her drawers because half eaten takeaways had been hidden in there.

The only difference is she won’t let our cat in there. That makes it a million times worse. We just have to replace carpet about twice a year in our daughters room (the cheaper the better), but you might have to get professional cleaners in, because the cat urine will have soaked through to the floorboards. All this will probably pretty much wipe out the rent shes paying. If you can live without the money, I’d say get that stress out of your life. You might have a frugal few months, but at least you know its only until June. It will be worth it. The Cats Protection League will find a caring home for her cat.

Good luck.

Sorry, just seen the bit about unmedicated bipolar.

She's a friend; if you can deal with this in the short term I'd suggest her going back on meds and tidying her room this weekend as a condition of you not giving notice. Back on her meds, she may be a great lodger again and able to cope.

I'd read her the riot act and get her to sign a contract where she must keep her room clean! She's living in YOUR house. She has to stick to YOUR rules.
If there is no improvement in 3 months chuck her out!

Oh blimey.

Been sick is not her fault. Refusing her meds is.

Cat needs to go.

Sorry if this is drip feeding but a bit of background:

I've known her for about three years. She moved here from a seaside town 300 miles away to escape a break up and stayed with a mutual friend, got a shared house and moved in year about a year and a half ago.

The reason she's disappearing for days on end is because after years of being single she's now seeing someone which, for me, makes this worse as she's putting her own needs above her cats and not even asking if I could feed the cat while she's gone. She says she'll be back that evening and the next thing it's three or four days later with no communication of any kind.

I regards to the bi polar, as far as I know she's never been medicated but I'm unsure if she's been formally diagnosed. It's something she brings up in conversation but nothing she talks deeply about or at length.

The carpet will be fully replaced when she leaves. It's very thin and cheap with no underlay so when she leaves DSS will move in there to make room for the new baby's room so he'll have fresh carpet.

She won't get home until 5am (if she gets home tonight at all), will sleep all day and then go to work around 7pm tomorrow to be back around 5am Sunday. I really don't want to bring this up around DSS so I'm going to have to leave it until Sunday when DSS has gone home and she's awake around 6pm or take my chances and have it out with her via text.