Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DM adjusting heating when at my house

73 replies

Smarshian · 01/02/2018 07:03

My DM has my DD at my house one afternoon a week while I'm at work. Each time she comes she turns our thermostat right down while I'm out. DH doesn't always notice as when he gets in he puts DD to bed and then sits in the lounge which is on a different thermostat to the rest of the house. Each morning after she has been I get up and the house is freezing and then takes ages to heat up. It drives me nuts. I get home from work after midnight so go straight to bed and rarely notice.
AIBU in thinking that if you want to adjust the heating in someone else's house then you should put it back or mention it when you leave?

OP posts:
SabineUndine · 01/02/2018 07:05

Why don’t you just ask her not to?

Whowhatwhy · 01/02/2018 07:06

If you know she does it every time, why not just adjust it when she leaves? She's looking after your child for you- surely she can have the house at a comfortable temperature while she's there?

NewYearNewMe18 · 01/02/2018 07:06

Or you could ask her not to do it/tape a post it not to the thermostat/download the app where you control your heating from your smartphone.

DragonsAndCakes · 01/02/2018 07:08

I’d probably ask your DH to remember, rather than her as she’s doing the childcare for you.

Pittcuecothecookbook · 01/02/2018 07:08

Just remember to turn it back before you go to bed

DriggleDraggle · 01/02/2018 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shoxfordian · 01/02/2018 07:14

Ask her not to

BeyondThePage · 01/02/2018 07:19

When you come home from work turn it up, not complicated.

People have different heat needs - are you saying she should swelter (perhaps menopausal sweats etc) just because she is in your house?

Perhaps she should leave the heating on and open all the windows - use your money to try to heat up the world?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/02/2018 07:22

If you know she does it every week why aren't you turning it up when you get home?
Or ask her to turn it up before she leaves?
It's fine that she turns it down, it's obviously too hot for her.

LoniceraJaponica · 01/02/2018 07:23

"If you know she does it every time, why not just adjust it when she leaves? She's looking after your child for you- surely she can have the house at a comfortable temperature while she's there?"

This ^^
Asking her not to is unreasonble. Why should she feel uncomfortable while she is providing free childcare for you? Hmm
How difficult is it for you to turn up the thermostat when you get in?

newmumwithquestions · 01/02/2018 07:25

She obviously finds your house too hot. YWBVU to ask her not to adjust it. She’s not asking you to adjust it in advance of her coming round - she’s sensibly sorting it out herself. You should do the same!

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 01/02/2018 07:30

If you know she does it each time she looks after your DD , then why not adjust it back after she has left, it would take seconds to do. If you both forget to do that, then set reminders in your phone so that it will sound an alarm with a short message on screen e.g "adjust thermostat"

I wouldn't confront her about it though, it's not a major problem, she is looking after your child for you, let her have the temperature she wants when baby sitting, and then you or DH change it back when you get home, it would be crazy to cause an arguement and divide in the family because you didn't want to spend a few seconds adjusting a thermostat back.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/02/2018 07:35

Is she going through the menopause perhaps? Apparently it makes some women really swelter.

Ask her to turn it up when she leaves. Ask your dh to check.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/02/2018 07:42

Those saying to turn it up when you get in - that doesn't work. For me to be warm in the evening, the heating has to come on BEFORE I get home otherwise I'm cold for ages while it heats up. DM should switch it on a bit before she leaves.
I sympathise if it's the menopause, but not if it's a frugal thing - some people just don't believe in paying for heating.

HotelEuphoria · 01/02/2018 07:43

I'm 50, I'm bloody boiling all the time these days. Switched the heating off last night and woke up to snow outside and 17 degrees inside. It felt much warmer to me, heating is still off.

I am not sure why you are happy to let your mother childmind but feel unable to discuss it and reach a compromise.

LoniceraJaponica · 01/02/2018 07:44

"For me to be warm in the evening, the heating has to come on BEFORE I get home "

Gwenwyfar the OP gets in at midnight and goes straight to bed.

sonjadog · 01/02/2018 07:45

She's too hot in your house. Can you not turn it down before she comes and turn it up afterwards, or ask her to turn it up just before you come home? Make it part of your routine.

borntobequiet · 01/02/2018 07:55

This is clearly unacceptable. Find alternative childcare, pay £££ for it and enjoy not having to remember to sort the thermostat when you get home from work.

Someoneasdumbasthis · 01/02/2018 07:58

Feb the love of god!! You have childcare. Free. From a loving DM.

You really don't know you're born.

BigGreenOlives · 01/02/2018 07:59

Is your mum turning your heating down in a passive aggressive way? Suggesting you are throwing away money? Does she think you should wear two fleeces in the house at all times? I suspect this is about more than her comfort.

BashStreetKid · 01/02/2018 07:59

If your DH and DD are fine with the lower temperature in the house, it suggests that you're wasting money on heating anyway. Think about changing the controls so that it goes off everywhere except the sitting room in the evenings but works normally in the mornings.

LizardMonitor · 01/02/2018 08:01

Between you and your DH you could take some responsibility and check the heating is how you like it. It takes a second to check the thermostat.

You have free and willing childcare. That is worth a LOT. Listen to yourself!

LizardMonitor · 01/02/2018 08:03

Gwen: the DH could turn it up when he gets in....

justpoppngby · 01/02/2018 08:06

Couldn't DH just check it when he's back? Also as an aside, if she's around 50ish She might be suffering from menopausal flush symptoms which can be unbearable sometimes In a warm home.

Jobjobjob · 01/02/2018 08:08

Why do not you notice it if your not putting DD to bed etc!

It's MIL and DH fault but not yours??

Very odd thread!