DM adjusting heating when at my house

[Smarshian]

My DM has my DD at my house one afternoon a week while I'm at work. Each time she comes she turns our thermostat right down while I'm out. DH doesn't always notice as when he gets in he puts DD to bed and then sits in the lounge which is on a different thermostat to the rest of the house. Each morning after she has been I get up and the house is freezing and then takes ages to heat up. It drives me nuts. I get home from work after midnight so go straight to bed and rarely notice.
AIBU in thinking that if you want to adjust the heating in someone else's house then you should put it back or mention it when you leave?

Bloody hell, as each year takes me closer to eventual (possible) grandparent-hood these posts fill me with rage.

At least I have time now, while mine are still teens, to encourage them out of this ‘my house, my rules, do what I want, my way, don’t disrespect my house’ attitude and develop some give and take, a sense of humour and gratitude. And be able to communicate rather than whining about minor problems.

Ok, a rant, and not all about you, OP, yours is one of many such posts.

She’s your mother. You trust her enough to look after your dd so much have a good relationship?

In which case, just say “hi Mum, what’s the reason for turning the heating down?”

Or you put your heating on a timer so it’s goes off for her.

Have you asked her to turn it back up when she leaves?

Re adjusting something in someone else's house is fine while you're there once a week, but it's good manners surely to put it back as you found it before you go isn't it?

She's clearly too hot. You cannot be so unreasonable you wish her to not just come round and care for your child, but to sit there uncomfortably when doing so, Just so you don't have to ask your husband to turn it back up or you're a little cold.

Cmon, you're not that person are you?

What is the problem - are you worried about your child being cold? Then talk to your mother. Worried that you will be too cold and will forget to turn your heating back up? Set a reminder on your phone.

You know she's turning the thermostat down each time she kindly comes to look after your child,so before you go to bed either you or your husband just need to turn it back up again,it's really not hard.

Some kind of automated reminder is way to go.
Fair enough she has it comfortable for her when she's there & you're not.
Electronic reminder to OP or her DH to set it back up when they come in.

You probably need to get a grip tbh. If you want some else looking after your child for free in your home remembering to turn the thermostat back up is a pretty good trade off.

First world problem

While we wait for OP -

If this was my DM it would definitely be a PA thing about what we spend our money on and it would piss me off. Mind you, if i asked her to turn it back up again when as she goes she probably would in the end. After a few reminders.

It’s awful being too hot, so I sympathise with your DM. Looking at things practically, she’s saving you money whilst you’re not in the house, she’s putting the thermostat to a temperature she’s comfortable with whilst looking after your children, and if either you or your DH could remember to check the thermostat when you come in, it wouldn’t be an issue. I live in an 8 bedroom farmhouse and I’m altering the thermostat all the time and I don’t have an issue with getting it back up to temp in reasonable time so YABU. Don’t be a sassy wanker.

Omg a mum who gives free reliable childcare and saves on the heating! Why don’t you just turn heating up when she’s gone? Or use some of the hundreds of pounds she saves you to install hive and simply change from your phone. Do you know how lucky you are

Is it part of a pattern of sneaky PA behaviour from her (ie she thinks you are self-indulgent for having central heating, or you are one of those people who gets cold easily and she has always interpreted it as you whining, because she isn't cold?) Or are you fussy and picky about everything having to be exactly tailored to your standards and wishes?

Because hot flushes.

One day you will realside YABVVU.

Maybe consider going NC?

You could pay for your own childcare. That would certainly solve the problem.

Can't you put it on a timer? If someone turned ours down it would still click on automatically at 5.30 am as it's on a timer

Do your diamond shoes pinch, OP? Turn the damn thing up when you get in, how hard is it?

“AIBU in thinking that if you want to adjust the heating in someone else's house then you should put it back”

AIBU in thinking that when you WELCOME someone into your home to undertake childcare on which you depend for your livelihood as a FAVOUR it is good manners to provide a temperature in which they feel comfortable? And good manners not to bitch about them on social media?

If you want to issue a job description you need to pay someone.

Your DH could easily notice that the Hall, kitchen and bedroom feel cool, think ‘DW will be chilly’ and turn the thermostat back.

On leaving your Mum is probably busy with getting her stuff together? Her grandchild clinging round her legs, giving DH the ‘handover info’ (what she ate etc), but yeah Moab about her forgetting to reset the thermostat.

But Jobjobjob must be right, and I have taken the bait, hook, line, sinker and fisherman

Your AIBU is not that she's done it - which everyone has covered - but why doesn't she either mention it or put it back when she leaves. So, imagine this - she arrives, feels hot, turns down the heating - and then is playing with and getting absorbed in looking after your DD and much more concerned with the million things to do with that - is DD hungry, is she bored, shall we go out, what's she upset about, if I give her a snack now, will it spoil her tea, should I let her sit in front of a screen, etc etc - I should think that by the time she leaves, turning the heating back is the last thing she'd remember. Have you even mentioned it to her?

If you keep forgetting could you set an alarm on your phone to remind yourself each day when you get in from work?

It's only one afternoon a week not daily.

I'd just remember to check it myself or ask dh to. She's obviously too hot.

Talk to your mother. Is it that hard? Ask if she can turn it back when she leaves or don’t mention it and remember to do it yourself. There, sorted.