To split will between dc on basis of need, not equally?

[jzjz]

More of wwyd in this situation

Dh and I have had the same will since our 3 dc were children, splitting everything equally between them. They're now all grown up with their own families and very different circumstances, so I'm wondering if splitting equally is the best thing to do.

For context (all names changed)...
We have three adult children

1. Andrew - ultra intelligent & highest earning by far, his wife is also a high earner (both city lawyers). They have two kids - Bethany & Michael -both v. academic & high-achieving - who they've put through private school. Bethany doing law at top uni, Michael doing A-levels and want to do medicine. So I'd imagine they'll both be high earners in the future. If it's relevant, their mother is an only child and has very wealthy parents, so the family will be getting a big inheritance from them.

2. Hannah - not at all academic, didn't go to uni, got married and had a daughter & son quite young. The son (Jake) is in a stable relationship with 2 kids, has a good office job but doesn't earn a huge amount. The daughter (Isabel) is a single parent to 2 small kids whose fathers aren't in the picture, she works a few hours a week (can't do more due to childcare issues), but mostly relies on parents/benefits.

3. Jane went to uni & is a teacher, so earns a reasonable amount. Husband hasn't worked in years due to disability. 2 kids - the older (Lucy) went to uni, though not a top uni, and has just started working in an office in her home town, living at home. The younger (David) has SEN & works in a supermarket.

My question really is, should we leave the will as it is and split it equally, giving 1/3 to each child?

Should we split it equally 9 ways between each child & grandchild? (or include great-granchildren too?)

Or should we allocate it more on basis of need - i.e. not leave anything of financial worth to Andrew's family?

Should we prioritise Isabel, Jake, Lucy, David?

Have you considered helping out the members of your family who need it now rather than waiting and leaving it in your will? As they are not close with Andrew he wouldn't know anything about it u less you chose to tell him. You would also have the pleasure of seeing them enjoy some financial security while you are still here, and there won't be as much left to split.

Do the equal split. Give your strugglibg granddaughter some money now.

Support those that need it most while you are still around, and split what is left equally.

Help those who need it now while you’re alive. Then split what’s left equally.

I strongly believe it should go equally three ways. No-one should be penalised or rewarded for their life choices, who knows what the future holds? It would be devisive to do differently and could cause friction after you are gone. It wouldn't matter if one was a millionaire, you have to give equally.
Life isn't fair and people have to live with the consequences of choices they make. It could even be argued that those worse off would be less likely to use any inheritance wisely.

I am shocked at the equal split majority.

My sister and I are both comfortable and similar earnings. But we have both said if one needed it and the other didn't we would want the one in need to have it and that's what we will do for our own children. I will now make sure they know that long before anyone is employed so they aren't shocked.

Would the poorer sibling not resent the equal split when Andrew has so much already?

I think they are the type of people to be resentful or they are not. You may as well do what you think is right.

I suspect my ILs might do this and I'm not happy about it. I agree with those who say you are punishing Andrew for doing well for himself. You will be making your children resent each other. It's best to split it equally.
My DM & DF are splitting it equally with me and DSis even though DSis earns more. That's the way it should be. You do not want to be seen to have favourites which my ILs clearly do.

Split equally, highly unfair otherwise and you would be penalising the ones you who have worked hard and made sensible choices.

LML
Most of us are saying the poorer child should get more overall, but that they should have that assistance now when tjey need it if possible.

Grief brings up all sorts of emotions and grieving dor your parent whilst going through unequal inheritance could be awkward and horrible.

They are all her children. They deserve an equal inherithance. Anythinh else is saying 'you worked hard and happened to get that well paying job so no to you / your wife has rich parnets so no to you'. It's unkind.

My mother in law in theory did a split on her perceived version of need. (Actually what she left were her debts to sort out).
In theory she left everything to her dd but made my dh the executor based on the fact she was a single mum and her perceived version of our wealth (which was definitely perceived)

It's the message it gives not the money. You'd have to manage it v careful if you didn't want your final message to be we care more about some than others.

By the way said dd now lives in a v large house etc as her fortunes turned around when she met her now partner.

My ILs are splitters unequally as my dh is financially ok, pensions etc. His brother has a severely disabled son, no pensions and is financially insecure. My dh knows and is happy with this.

In your circumstances I’d absolutely split equally.

My dad recently asked for my opinion on this. I’ve said I would rather my siblings had everything split between them as they don’t own property and earn less.

Split it equally between 3 children. Leave an amount, to each grandchild aswell.

Say you had .... 65k, you leave 20k to each child. And say £500 or £1000 to each grandchild.

Similar within exH family. Grandparents are leaving all to one daughter, she isn't capable of improving her life where as ex mil and her brother are both extremely comfortable. Their grandchildren don't inherit anything from them. They did discuss it with the better off siblings and all agreed the sister who isn't well off can inherit it all.

Maybe a discussion with Andrew is worthwhile.

Make a gift to the one you deem most in need for money, under quise of helping with something specific, then split reminder equally. Non-even split will cause bad blood between siblings. Could release some equity to make the gift?

At 600k I would split 3 ways. If I was leaving 30k then I would apportion differently as 10k would be a holiday to Andrew, but could make a huge to others.

As the daughter of an 'Andrew' where this same scenario happened with my grandparents I would say split it evenly because it will cause a rift.

I'd also include a letter explaining why I'd split differently.

Ive been in the receiving end of a will that split according to “need” between me and a sibling. I felt very hurt although understood the reasons behind it. I felt that I was being punished somehow for being successful which was a result of a combination of hard work and luck (both good and bad - inheritance from early deaths of in-laws) and rising property values in the SE which of course I have no control over. My sibling had exactly the same education but is a different personality type and in my view has not matched up to potential and has relied heavily on parental handouts over the years.

I never said anything though as parents were well meaning. As it turned out they have now changed wills to an equal split due to sibling marrying and not wishing the bulk of the estate to end up with sibling’s feckless step-children (that’s a whole other story!)

It is unfair to be left off the will or get a reduced amount based on high achievements. What if your son loses everything? Be fair and split between the 3 equally. Have a conversation with your son and tell him that his sisters are struggling and he should take care of them.

My dad is one of two children. When my grandmother died (granddad had died years before) she left everything to my dad's sister. Her will didn't mention my dad at all.

She didn't have much and so didn't leave much (and my dad didn't need the money anyway) but I can tell it still hurts him. If she left him something sentimental or an explanation of why it had all gone to one child (my aunt never married, no kids and has much less money than my dad) then I think he'd be able to understand it better.

But to be cut out of a will unexpectedly (no relationship issues etc) is horrible. Don't do it. I will NEVER forgive my grandmother for doing that to my dad who has been nothing but a good son to her. It was like he never existed.

You have to split it equally, otherwise you run the risk of leaving a legacy of bitterness and estrangement.

Equal split otherwise you're punishing people for making good choices.

Just because Andrew earns 200k doesn't mean a lump sum of the same wouldn't be useful for him.

@Jobjobjob I have seen many situations where the LPA is accused of been very frugal with money and not acting in P's best interests. For example a self funder in a care home who doesn't have basic money for toiletries because their LPA won't provide it. Of course this can be challenged at the Office of the Public Guardian, but it is a difficult situation for the family and of course P. Siblings will often argue that the one with LPA has an alterior motiive, e.g. if Michael knows that Hannah and Jane are the sole beneficiaries of the will. I know of a current situation where P is stuck in a care home that is not appropriate for her needs, whilst her children argue about what money should be spent on funding her care. The contents of her will and who has LPA are central to this.

I would urge the OP to give LOW for finance and property to a solicitor, as I would many people.

Split equally.

I some extreme cases an unequal split is warranted, but unless it's been discussed very openly it will cause bad feeling between siblings and grandchildren.

You probably don't know as much as you think you do about the finances of grandchildren especially. Nor about what might happen (shiny grandchild with "top uni" degree gets severe depression/ becomes disabled following an accident and never works, for example...)

More importantly it's the message you are sending, as others have said. Playing favourites is what it will look like.

If you do want to do an unequal split it's up to you - but know that unless it's all out in the open and up for discussion while you are fit and healthy you'll create bad feeling between those who you leave behind.