To split will between dc on basis of need, not equally?

[jzjz]

More of wwyd in this situation

Dh and I have had the same will since our 3 dc were children, splitting everything equally between them. They're now all grown up with their own families and very different circumstances, so I'm wondering if splitting equally is the best thing to do.

For context (all names changed)...
We have three adult children

1. Andrew - ultra intelligent & highest earning by far, his wife is also a high earner (both city lawyers). They have two kids - Bethany & Michael -both v. academic & high-achieving - who they've put through private school. Bethany doing law at top uni, Michael doing A-levels and want to do medicine. So I'd imagine they'll both be high earners in the future. If it's relevant, their mother is an only child and has very wealthy parents, so the family will be getting a big inheritance from them.

2. Hannah - not at all academic, didn't go to uni, got married and had a daughter & son quite young. The son (Jake) is in a stable relationship with 2 kids, has a good office job but doesn't earn a huge amount. The daughter (Isabel) is a single parent to 2 small kids whose fathers aren't in the picture, she works a few hours a week (can't do more due to childcare issues), but mostly relies on parents/benefits.

3. Jane went to uni & is a teacher, so earns a reasonable amount. Husband hasn't worked in years due to disability. 2 kids - the older (Lucy) went to uni, though not a top uni, and has just started working in an office in her home town, living at home. The younger (David) has SEN & works in a supermarket.

My question really is, should we leave the will as it is and split it equally, giving 1/3 to each child?

Should we split it equally 9 ways between each child & grandchild? (or include great-granchildren too?)

Or should we allocate it more on basis of need - i.e. not leave anything of financial worth to Andrew's family?

Should we prioritise Isabel, Jake, Lucy, David?

@magpiemagpie

DH is 92 and going blind, so I think the chances of him remarrying are relatively thin!

Nonetheless, thank you very much for the rest of that advice. I'll definitely look into it.

Why don’t you help out your granddaughter financially while you’re still alive, then leave equal amounts in your will?

That isn't 'fair' either, though. Not really. This is exactly what happened in one corner of my family. Old lady 'helped' out her needy child (kooky one with drug-problems adult kids) to the tune of $1.5million. Other possible heirs got nothing. I suspect her other heirs got to pay for the memorial service.

There is no 'fair' to be had.

I always said that if my mum gave my sibling more I wouldn't mind BUT my mil found out that her brother got more than her in their mums will, blamed the brother completely and never spoken to him again! DH is on his mums side but I just feel like family is more important than money! MIL was living in huge house and owned own company and her brother lived in parental home with his children... in my eyes he needed it more? I would definitely talk to the children first becuase if it would cause a rift may not be worth it?

SN aside, Andrew is obviously a threat to the laziness of the rest of the family and thus he must be punished.

The generations that go beyond you will judge you OP!

furchesterhotel seriously? You think teachers are lazy because they earn less than lawyers?

3 way split (or other equal split including grandchildren), but nobody in the scenario needs "punishing" for being "lazy" - that's as batshit as cutting your own child out of your will because you assume their wife will inherit money, or cutting your grandchild out because he is doing A levels and his father has a good job...

Lol 😂 ok well maybe he won't get married then .
But should he die and you then need care your house will be sold to pay for your care which would probably use up a large amount of the money depending on your age and level of care .
At least if you did do what I mentioned at least 50 percent of the house would be saved for your kids .

In fact in light of his age and that he is going blind ,if you were to die tomorrow your DH might need to go into care home due to his age and needs and your house would definatly be sold to pay for it .
It's the best thing you can do to ensure at least 50 percent of your house goes to your kids

In some cases because you can't effectively sale half a house the council do not pursue it so your kids could end up with 100 percent eventually
Sorry if I sound all doom and gloom about death but it's more likely that your kids will end up with nothing if you don't do this due to care home fees .

It's perfectly legal and cost my parent £300 to do along with there wills

Could you split everything equally but use your money now to help the kids who need it? That means you get to be fair upon death by also get to help those who need it?

Again, even if your children are not close now, life takes strange twists and turns and they still have the opportunity to become close. If you do anything other than a three-way split, you will be spiking any hopes of them getting on together in the future.

It's a difficult one but I think I would split it more in favour of the two lower earning children. However the daughter who Is largely on benefits may have her benefits stopped anyway if she inherited a lump sum of money, although of course she may not always be on benefits and you may live for years.
I think it's a difficult thing to predict anyway that there may be any money left because one of you may die and the other may live years and need care in which case there would be no inheritance anyway ! I've seen this happen to 2 close friends recently whose remaining parent has gone into a Nursing home and they have inherited vey little. I think the law may be changing on this though ?

I would split equally with all the grand children, bypassing the parents.

However rich I was I would treat my children equally; except that I might leave a rich one's share direct to that one's children - equally - to stop the Chancellor of the Exchequer getting two slices of the cake.

They are all your children equally, aren' they?

What they are currently earning or their potential earnings shouldn't feature at all in your will. If you want to help a particular whilst you are alive that is different. A will is basically your last gift to your 3 children who i assume you love equally.

You split it equally into 3.

I agree with all the comments about split equally and not to judge those who have done well unfavourable. Only caveat might be to provide more help to David as his ‘playing field’ is uneven to start with. I assume you might have given help / or presents to the others when they have needed it already so you have adjusted as you go along. Obviously saying David SEN can mean anything really along a broad spectrum but if it means he’ll need extra help into adulthood then I think you could justify a trust fund for him.

If OP were super rich, then an equal division is fine, because 1/3 of super rich estate is still life changing.

If OP was super poor, the same, because the 1/3 each won't make much difference. The problem is OP's real situation, where the amount could be life changing only if unequally distributed.

Spending more NOW on some kids is still an unequal distribution.

Picking out the SEN as reason to make the distribution unequal is still an unequal distribution.

OP is the only one who has to live with this decision, the only one who can decide what reasons for unequal distribution are good enough.

The unfairness thing is happening to me in my family (I am better off than my step-sisters so will get less). I don't feel "punished" though. It's my folks' money to do as they please.

I would personally leave it to ure grandchildren not the parents in the hope they don't speak it and bit never gets to ure grandchildren who need it the most and it would change there life's your children are already married and have there own houses so are settled but I would leave specific instructions to be given at different ages as maturity comes they make better life decisions when you're v young and have all that money u can be daft and waste it but why are you waiting till u die don't you want to know how they change their lives why do people wait till they are dead and burried to leave money to therre relatives when you could go out and help them make correct decision with if as they won't want to let u down this is a far better idea and a great way to spend some time with grand kids before dementia takes over think what ure doing for them is great and u're grand children are more deserving of this as it will set them up and tour kids will understand this as it's financial standing for each of three kids and they do not need to worry about them financially ure kids are older and have grown up kids and they have careers and homes and none of this money myt not reach the grandkids who need it desperately to change there life around as u are trusting the fact ure kids aren't going to spend it and not leave any thing to kids and leave something in a trust for your great grandson for when he's older

Please also consider giving the money ASAP as it will be used to care for u and there will be nothing left and that is a waste of the potential life changes it can make than government having it

Laura - the op has already said that they are property rich/cash poor.