To split will between dc on basis of need, not equally?

[jzjz]

More of wwyd in this situation

Dh and I have had the same will since our 3 dc were children, splitting everything equally between them. They're now all grown up with their own families and very different circumstances, so I'm wondering if splitting equally is the best thing to do.

For context (all names changed)...
We have three adult children

1. Andrew - ultra intelligent & highest earning by far, his wife is also a high earner (both city lawyers). They have two kids - Bethany & Michael -both v. academic & high-achieving - who they've put through private school. Bethany doing law at top uni, Michael doing A-levels and want to do medicine. So I'd imagine they'll both be high earners in the future. If it's relevant, their mother is an only child and has very wealthy parents, so the family will be getting a big inheritance from them.

2. Hannah - not at all academic, didn't go to uni, got married and had a daughter & son quite young. The son (Jake) is in a stable relationship with 2 kids, has a good office job but doesn't earn a huge amount. The daughter (Isabel) is a single parent to 2 small kids whose fathers aren't in the picture, she works a few hours a week (can't do more due to childcare issues), but mostly relies on parents/benefits.

3. Jane went to uni & is a teacher, so earns a reasonable amount. Husband hasn't worked in years due to disability. 2 kids - the older (Lucy) went to uni, though not a top uni, and has just started working in an office in her home town, living at home. The younger (David) has SEN & works in a supermarket.

My question really is, should we leave the will as it is and split it equally, giving 1/3 to each child?

Should we split it equally 9 ways between each child & grandchild? (or include great-granchildren too?)

Or should we allocate it more on basis of need - i.e. not leave anything of financial worth to Andrew's family?

Should we prioritise Isabel, Jake, Lucy, David?

I would share it equally too. I am in the same position as one of your children, one incredibly wealthy (and generous) sibling, me in the middle, more than comfortable, could afford not to work if we changed our lifestyle and didn’t have a big house, two cars and holidays but I will retire mid fifties, third sibling not so well off at all (career choice doesn’t pay well), never got on the housing ladder.

We have a big family lunch every couple of weeks, when we get together no one cares who has got what, my very wealthy sibling is same person we grew up with and our family dynamic is unchanged. Just the five of us, now with our own families in the mix.

I would be mortified if my parents didn’t split three equal ways.

In the event my parents don’t need their assets/cash for their own future care our inheritance will be about twice the amount you mentioned. We don’t have a wealthy in law situation. It other than that I would say our situation is fairly similar.

I would not want my sibling to receive anything other than an equal share of inheritance and if my parents did anything else (which they won’t) I would split anything given to me in the event that my third, less well off, sibling didn’t agree to share any of theirs.

Also the Andrew. I was also once the single Mother on benefits for a good 8 years, but managed to go to college/Uni later in life.

We’ve already had this discussion in my family and I said I just wanted a few sentimental items (with zero financial value) and to leave the cash to my siblings (one with a disabled child who can’t work due to all the appointments but her DH has a decent job so no benefits to be affected other than DLA however DNiece will need a lot of expensive things as an adult and I’d rather she have the money) and another sibling who busts his ass at a minimum wage job who would really benefit from a large lump sum.

I can’t bring myself to get annoyed about it tbh, yes I busted my ass to get where I am but I’ve also had a couple of opportunities that my siblings haven’t and won’t have either due to life circumstances or because they aren’t academic.

Why not take a chunk of your estate now (if it's possible) say 25percent or sth and actually help those in need NOW. Split equally in your will as you have no idea what the future holds. It may be a v long time before this becomes an issue. Why not try and help now if you can?

I know 3 people who split their will on basis of perceived need rather than equality - in all 3 cases it caused massive resentment and the siblings no longer speak. Not what I would want for my DC once I’m gone.

Personally I would make sure that my children got equal shares in my will. However I would make gifts now with advice on how to ensure that they were inheritance tax compliant to those in need.

Of course it should be evenly split

'Perceived need' is the thing isn't it...
as pp suggested I would try to help the poorer ones now. But of course,
I would share my will equally, otherwise you are leaving a horrible legacy...

Equal thirds. Parents can give money to grandchildren if they wish. Otherwise more grandchildren might arrive and you would need to keep redoing will. Agree with others to try and help needy children out now if you can. If you do decide to give Andrew a smaller chunk please discuss with him, nothing worse than finding out from a will.

Split it equally. I was left some money in an equal split. One of the relatives who got the same as me is very well off indeed. I was broke. Equal shares mean there’s no chance of the will being contested and legacy eaten up in legal fees.

I would do the equal split in the will. But also try to help the ones that need it a bit now

Anything less than an equal split would cause tensions between your kids at a time when then will need to pull together more than ever.

Split it equally.

As it happens, my Mum was ‘Hannah’. By the time my GP died ‘Andrew’ was v wealthy from shares in his co and gave his share to his siblings.

But Mum never expected anything more than a third share and would have been mortified had her parents tested them differently.

You seem very hung up on tne details of the status of Uni and everything. It isn’t a ‘points scale ‘ that you are assessing them all against, just split everything equally.

Anyway anything could change in a moment within a week of your death: a lottery win, a disabling accident....

Split it evenly. You never know what's around the corner and although you hope it will never happen, imagine if one of the high earners became extremely ill or had a terrible accident and needed round the clock care and couldn't work any more. Or the less well off child could have a lottery win, or one could get divorced...the list is endless and no-one can know exactly how life will go. They may all be equally grateful and it will most definitely stop any sibling rows or feelings of favouritsm when you're not around

Split it equally. You have no idea what will happen to Andrews children in the future in terms of earning potential - just because they are on that path now you can't know for sure final result. It's unfair to punish people for their success.

As a side note, this happened in my family with my dad cut it of his parents will as he was deemed 'more successful' then his siblings. It has not had a good effect on sibling relationships.

I would not split evenly and would be amazed at anyone who quibbled with that. My OH and I, as well as our DCs, have been sidelined in this way by his parents and I totally understand.

Give something of high sentimental value to the ones you're giving less cash to.

I would talk to your son and go from there. We’re in a similar position with DH family and he has actively encouraged his parents to leave their estate to his sisters. We’re more than we’ll provided for but for various reasons they are in much more difficult positions. So you never know how people will feel.....

£200,000 is an awful lot of money. Split it three ways it is unfair to penalise the son who has done well.
My grandfather threatened to change his will and did change his will several times before he died (rewarding those who he thought had done would do the most for him and threatening to penalise others). I can’t renember what the final outcome was but it really would my mum up who being the only daughter cared for him and her mother. Whereas his sons all had a trade and did various work for him but no caring. He caused so much I’ll feeling in the family. That not all his sons and daughter speak.

My sister & I could look like your children from the outside (albeit neither of us has kids yet).

I went to uni & now have a stable job, mortgage & ok salary.

My sister went to uni, did a non academic subject, has drifted from job to job & isn't settled. I know my parents have considered leaving her more so she has a house deposit.

However, she has chosen to be in temporary jobs so she can travel. She saves up a chunk of money then goes off around the world for weeks/months. Then comes back, finds a new place to rent & a new job. She's been to places I might never see.

She could have saved that money to have a deposit, and she could have stayed in one job to try and progress to a better salary.

If my parents left her more, I would feel a bit penalised for my life choices. So I echo the sentiments on this thread about an even split. If your kids are kind, they'll help each other out when you're gone. I would help my sister.

However, this is slightly moot as I want mum & dad to spend it all on themselves having fun in their retirement!!

3 equal splits. Otherwise you are punishing Andrew for doing well. There is more to a will than just the money left, there is a lot of emotion tied too it as well. He could well feel very hurt even if he understands why.

If you are going to do an uneven split I’d talk to him about it.

You could leave each grandchild an equal nominal amount, say £2000 each.

Then split the rest equally between the 3 children.

However, if you are trying to reduce your tax bill you can give a certain amount as gifts as long as you survive for 7 years. This is how you can support those who need it - but i would make sure any money you give has a very specific purpose (e.g. deposit on house/university fees/whatever).

I guess I was the Andrew of my family - although there is no will or inheritance to consider in our future

I was the high earner between the two siblings. We had the same educational opportunities but my brother was more relaxed about his earnings.

Last year I got divorced, it was a costly procedure, and I'm having to rebuild my life, savings and pension whilst manage in a lower paid career as a single mum in rented property, I'm dealing with personal illnesses too, and my job is pretty unstable.

It looks like I'll never own a place of my own and I had to cash in my sons savings to bail him out of international school and pay for medical bills for him after we discovered he had a genetic medical problem. (I live in another country with a different healthcare system). I'm completely stuck here with an ex who threatens that I'm kidnapping if I leave, but pays no maintenance for his child.

My DB has a stable life and marriage, low income but has a good pension to look forward to, and older children who'll be earning independently in two years.

It's nobodies fault but my circumstances changed and crashed rapidly in a series of events. It can happen very easily, and to anyone.

I'd say split the money equally with a gif to the GC.

"If it's relevant, their mother is an only child and has very wealthy parents, so the family will be getting a big inheritance from them."

The thing is you can never be sure of this - remarriage after death of first spouse, divorce, or bankruptcy or falling-out can transform situations, often unexpectedly. So while it may be probable that dm will inherit from parents, nothing in inheritance is definite! Whatever else you base the decision on, I don't think it can be that.

Having said that, I'd say equal split between dc. As other pp have said, nobody can predict the future and whether someone will become unable to work. But also because, as yet other pp have said, anything else may cause hurt and fall-out that you just can't predict. And I have to admit it I wouldn't give unequal life time amounts to dc and dgc either - I would keep it (roughly) as equal as possible. (and yes, have taken into account that two dgc have trust funds)

Equal split.

I understand your wanting to support those who need it but they chose their path. You had three children, threat then equally.

Split equally. It's the fairest way and will save a lot of heartache and resentment (which will happen if you do anything differently, believe me).

Split it equally. Anything else is wrong and could be seen as penalising people who've worked hard.

What I would say is if yoi have assets available abd you think some of the childreb are struggling now, you could give them a gift (just make sure it's in the rules), but do it now so you can help them.

The wealthier children would probably have no issue sith you giving an extra helping hand now. But to be dealing with their parent's death and having tue inheritance not equal can cause a huge amount of emotions and bad feeling. It's an awful situation to put the chilsren in.