To split will between dc on basis of need, not equally?

[jzjz]

More of wwyd in this situation

Dh and I have had the same will since our 3 dc were children, splitting everything equally between them. They're now all grown up with their own families and very different circumstances, so I'm wondering if splitting equally is the best thing to do.

For context (all names changed)...
We have three adult children

1. Andrew - ultra intelligent & highest earning by far, his wife is also a high earner (both city lawyers). They have two kids - Bethany & Michael -both v. academic & high-achieving - who they've put through private school. Bethany doing law at top uni, Michael doing A-levels and want to do medicine. So I'd imagine they'll both be high earners in the future. If it's relevant, their mother is an only child and has very wealthy parents, so the family will be getting a big inheritance from them.

2. Hannah - not at all academic, didn't go to uni, got married and had a daughter & son quite young. The son (Jake) is in a stable relationship with 2 kids, has a good office job but doesn't earn a huge amount. The daughter (Isabel) is a single parent to 2 small kids whose fathers aren't in the picture, she works a few hours a week (can't do more due to childcare issues), but mostly relies on parents/benefits.

3. Jane went to uni & is a teacher, so earns a reasonable amount. Husband hasn't worked in years due to disability. 2 kids - the older (Lucy) went to uni, though not a top uni, and has just started working in an office in her home town, living at home. The younger (David) has SEN & works in a supermarket.

My question really is, should we leave the will as it is and split it equally, giving 1/3 to each child?

Should we split it equally 9 ways between each child & grandchild? (or include great-granchildren too?)

Or should we allocate it more on basis of need - i.e. not leave anything of financial worth to Andrew's family?

Should we prioritise Isabel, Jake, Lucy, David?

There is something a little bit patronising about splitting inheritance on the basis of "need".

I agree - does it then become an equal split between the other two or is one of them deserving of more than half?
If my father had done this with me and my sister, he would have given everything to her as she was, when he died, single and renting. She is now married and living in a 4-bedroom house of which she is joint owner. We remain perfectly well off, but can't afford more than a 2-bed in the area we live in.
My grandmother also did the same thing with her two children. She left more to my uncle than my mum, ostensibly because he had less money, but actually, my mum believes, because she always loved him more. She'll never know now.

Having said that one of my friends dads was left two properties by his mother, his sister didn’t get one.

Apparently the GMs theory was that each of her GC would then have a house & as her daughter wanted to remain childfree (& had a nice house) she didn’t need a property (she did get some cash). It’s also suspected she didn’t like the son in law.
Upon receiving the 2 properties the son signed one over to his sister as he thought it was the right thing to do. My friends dad was a teacher & has lived very modestly. His wife is now needing care for dementia so the flat will be sold to pay a large chunk of it. My friends Aunt & Uncle had good jobs & retired in their 50s. They have been living the high life & have taken out a massive mortgage on the flat signed over to them even though they have inherited another 2 properties & live in a 1m+ house. In those circumstances I think it is unfair. Money is so complicated.

please split it equally.

the biggest think you can leave your kids is harmony - this will disrupt it.

also: circumstances can change for them all
you are punishing the industrious ones - hard work is generally what leads to the success your eldest has experienced.

an unfair will feels like a slap in the face, the last word, and will cause a lot of hurt. Money isnt worth this.

My grandparents split their estate in 3, 2 thirds split between their 3 kids and 1 third between all grandchildren. This was a god send as my parents had divorced and although my mum had spent several years caring for her MIL she therefore received nothing. My sis and I are NC with our father so without direct receipt from our grandparents would also have received nothing, our grandparents would not have been happy with this! My sis and I were able to share our inheritance with our mum who really deserved it.

hard work is generally what leads to the success your eldest has experienced

That's just untrue. I'm probably the best off out of the three siblings in my family. Some bizarre genetic luck gave me more academic ability than the other two which inevitably means I earn more for a day's work. Mr Foo has equally won the genetic lottery and between us we easily out earn the others. But to suggest they don't work as hard as we do would be quite offensive to them.

@Originalfoogirl

Thank you - that is exactly the case with my family. Just because children are born to the same parents and grow up in the same environment doesn't mean they'll have the same academic ability.

My sister was the academic one. She developed MS. If my M had left everyone else her money and penalised her for being smart, it would have been a very different life for her. Luckily my mother was kind and didn't punish anyone after her death.

I completely understand why you ask, but unfortunately, what may happen if you leave it unequally is that it might cause great bitterness and be seen as being symbolical of unequal love.

On the other hand, if you were to get them all together now to talk to them openly about this, they may voluntarily suggest/agree that you should leave the money unequally.

Its really your choice and nothing to do with any of the children. Personally I would look at what I can do to help now e.g. some help for single mom with two kids to train into something so she will get a reasonable job and be better off in the long run, Maybe a special consideration for the Child with SEN as his earning capacity long term isn't going to be there so e.g. enough for his own place and an extra monthly amount to top up his earnings or put in a pension pot for him for when he can no longer work rather than when he retires IYSWIM. So I suppose I am saying go with need but don't completely ignore Andrews family - but it can be more token for them. Whatever you decide sort it properly so there is no will challenging going on

In your will you shoul treat them equally because;-

1. You cannot be sure of the future.
2. You make make you children feel you love them more/less
3. You may alter the relationship between the siblings if you do anything that is not equal.

Split equally.

Don’t punish Andrew for being successful and cause a family rift

Splitting equally is the least contentious. It's the least likely to cause any upset or ill feeling. Once you start making adjustments it's often going to end up with people feeling resentful. An equal split regardless of wealth, 'golden child'ness', number of grandchildren, etc etc.

Thank you - that is exactly the case with my family. Just because children are born to the same parents and grow up in the same environment doesn't mean they'll have the same academic ability.

I'm sorry but numerous studies into academic success show that IQ alone is not and has not been a leading factor in the top students over the last 20 years (I haven't read of a study being carried out before that).

What I am trying to say is that Andrew will have worked hard to achieve what he has (not saying your other children didn't but maybe not in the same ways) and I am astounded that you seem to be refusing to acknowledge that, whereas you focus a lot of your attention on to your other children.

I really am beginning to see why Andrew doesn't visit or get in touch very often...

Another one saying go for an equal 3/way split. You never know what may be around the corner for one of the wealthier relatives, or if one of the less well off relatives ends up marrying someone wealthier or changing career etc. You could potentially do a small trust for GC with SEN if it is likely to impact future job prospects significantly. You could also do a small pot split equally between all GCs to give them say £5k each - enough for first car/driving lessons.

In my family, I had a family member who divided the will according to closeness and perceived need and it went spectacularly wrong - it was contested so their wishes weren't actually carried out anyway, and resulted in a situation with no contact between siblings for 30 years+

You can give additional support now - offering to help Hannah if she wanted to do more qualifications or helping Isabel with childcare costs etc, without slighting Andrew who likely wouldn't be bothered about day-to-day costs.

I would quietly give help to people who need it now...a deposit or car or whatever. Then split will three ways.

will have worked hard to achieve what he has (not saying your other children didn't but maybe not in the same ways) and I am astounded that you seem to be refusing to acknowledge that

I agree. He may have been blessed with ability, but lots of people who are so blessed can become lazy and go to the dogs. He must have worked hard and been conscientious too.

Another vote for an equal split.
My step brother is a professional athlete and my step sister has a very high income and is married to a man who comes from a wealthy background. My db and I do Ok, but are not millionaires by a long shot.
I would have been very surprised if our parents wills were anything but equal (fortunately they are still alive, but I have seen the wills and we all get 25%). Dsb will probably donate it to a dog shelter - which is totally his right. They need to be included.

Another vote for equal split.

I've seen a situation where everything was left to the lower earning sibling with "Andrew's" approval. A few years later that Andrew got involved in a terrible business venture, lost everything, including his family home. You never know what will happen.

Equal split.

And a heart to heart talk with Andrew explaining his siblings circumstances, you could gently suggest he consider giving his share of the inheritance to them, but that's up to him when the time comes.

Just because one of your children is a high earner does not make them less entitled to an inheritance. It's so much more than about receiving money.

I'm the academic sibling, I got the fab degree the high paying job etc but am now a SAHM earning nothing due to having a child with SN.

You never know what will happen.

Even 3 stainless steel teaspoons not spit equally leads to misery.

Favoritism is never nice. And you know, the children who haven't done as well may well have been hindered by your favoritism in the past. Perhaps Andrew realised he had to fend for himself because he wasn't going to get the help you prefer to dole out to the others.

Another vote for an equal split between your three children. They are responsible for their own children themselves.

On further consideration I would consider giving a ringfenced amount to (in trust for) the grandchild with SEN - assuming the SEN impacts on his ability to support himself so he would struggle without that money.

But otherwise equally.

In particular I'm not sure why you'd give extra to those who chose to have children rather than pursuing a career, or those who chose to go into teaching rather than something more lucrative. Those were their choices.