To split will between dc on basis of need, not equally?

[jzjz]

More of wwyd in this situation

Dh and I have had the same will since our 3 dc were children, splitting everything equally between them. They're now all grown up with their own families and very different circumstances, so I'm wondering if splitting equally is the best thing to do.

For context (all names changed)...
We have three adult children

1. Andrew - ultra intelligent & highest earning by far, his wife is also a high earner (both city lawyers). They have two kids - Bethany & Michael -both v. academic & high-achieving - who they've put through private school. Bethany doing law at top uni, Michael doing A-levels and want to do medicine. So I'd imagine they'll both be high earners in the future. If it's relevant, their mother is an only child and has very wealthy parents, so the family will be getting a big inheritance from them.

2. Hannah - not at all academic, didn't go to uni, got married and had a daughter & son quite young. The son (Jake) is in a stable relationship with 2 kids, has a good office job but doesn't earn a huge amount. The daughter (Isabel) is a single parent to 2 small kids whose fathers aren't in the picture, she works a few hours a week (can't do more due to childcare issues), but mostly relies on parents/benefits.

3. Jane went to uni & is a teacher, so earns a reasonable amount. Husband hasn't worked in years due to disability. 2 kids - the older (Lucy) went to uni, though not a top uni, and has just started working in an office in her home town, living at home. The younger (David) has SEN & works in a supermarket.

My question really is, should we leave the will as it is and split it equally, giving 1/3 to each child?

Should we split it equally 9 ways between each child & grandchild? (or include great-granchildren too?)

Or should we allocate it more on basis of need - i.e. not leave anything of financial worth to Andrew's family?

Should we prioritise Isabel, Jake, Lucy, David?

I think it should be split 3 ways. I agree with PP that said you are punishing Andrew for having done well, and rewarding the others for doing badly, if you leave the money any other way.

You could leave a sum to each of the grandchildren if you wished, say £10K each or whatever you think, and to every single one of them, don't miss out the first two, then split the balance 3 ways.

You could also help the ones now who are struggling, if you wish to do so.

You could create a terrible rift within the family if you don't split it equally, several lawyers on this thread have advised that.

Just split it 3 ways equally between the children.

Circumstances could change with kids/grandkids in the future anyway.

I would help the lesser earmers out now and then split what is left equally.

It's your money so you may do with it whatever you see fit. Which includes spunking the whole lot up the wall now, or leaving it all to charity.

If you want to avoid causing offence and heartache, at least discuss your considerations with Andrew now so he doesn't feel less loved as a result if you do go with the uneven split.

Like a couple of other posters, I am a little uncomfortable with the fact that you appear to view the preferable situations of Andrew and Bethany to, for example, Isabel, to little more than academic ability (and in Bethany's case, a private education) and sheer good luck. As a City lawyer, Andrew will work horrific hours in high stress conditions for his money. It's far more than a fluke of being the most academically able of your children that he is where he is now. Ditto his children - you cannot automatically assume that his son will definitely get in to study Medicine btw, it's bloody competitive, and even if he does, as a junior doctor he will make shit money for years working long hours before his career choice eventually pays dividends. And he'll be saving lives! That's as worthy an inheritance recipient as you're ever going to get in my personal opinion. Bethany will have worked bloody hard for that oxbridge place too - it's no just as simple as her parents paid top dollar for her education and therefore they've bought her a guaranteed ticket to Oxbridge...and even with an Oxbridge degree it is still not guaranteed she will get a training contract. Or she might want to go into a worthwhile but poorly paid area of law for the love of doing it (human rights, family, legal aid immigration lawyer...you get the picture). They could very easily end up feeling like you've punished them for thee hard work and success if you favour other, poorer relatives over them if the situation isn't handled extremely diplomatically.

PS not sure if this will help, but my parents have given me more support financially during their lifetimes than to my brother, because I needed it more. He is a few years older than me and bought his house a) in the north and b) before the property market shot up. He could therefore buy without their help, but in my case that would never have been possible due to the fact I could only get a job in an expensive part of the country (and I was a legal aid lawyer at the time, earning okay but not great money) and by the time I qualified, the market had already gone up a crazy amount. My brother has always been fine with the uneven financial assistance during our lifetimes. My parents intention was always set out to me that our shares would be adjusted accordingly so it's evened out when they die, which I am more than okay with and in fact I reminded them of it recently when they talked about a 50:50 split in their wills! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wouldn't automatically assume that the less well-off relatives would want an uneven distribution. In my case there's a lot of pride involved in making sure I don't feel I've been treated preferentially...

I don't really understand why people think it is fair to give unequally to the less well off children now but not at the the time of the bequest. To my mind this would cause just as much resentment amongst the siblings if they were bothered about equality of monetary gain or perhaps more as dragged out over a longer time period.

I think it may also depend on how much money you are talking about. A bequest of £1000 might be a drop in the ocean to someone on a high income but a lifeline to someone on benefits.

With widely different financial circumstances I think you can still show that you care by a bequest of a personal belonging rather than having to give equality of money.

I’m the ‘Andrew’ in my family, (but with better sibling relationships). I’d be hurt if my parents left me out and penalised me for being successful in my career... even though rationally I can see where you’re coming from.
Can you help out your other grandchildren now? If so then I think you should do that, rather than have them continue to struggle. And yes, that will result in Andrew’s family getting less when you die, but it will be an even split and less likely to cause resentment.

IMO the grandchildren are too young in any case to have money left. Even if in a trust. Knowledge of inheritance can do odd things.
As to your theee children? Sorry i don't know!

I assume they were all given the same growing up...the same upbringing.what they did with that is what has made them what they are today.

I personally would leave a sum to each grandchild (say £5k each or something ) it would be life changing for the less well off ones.
Then split the rest equally between your dc.

It's what my nan did and no -one has had a problem with it. Speaking as the "poorer" relative here...what I received changed our lives for the better and I would hate to think I got more than a sibling because I chose to have children rather than go to uni. I would feel like a charity case.

My DH was left all the small amount of money of an aged relative, along with a letter saying "I left it to you because I believe you're the best person to make decisions about how the money is split between the wider family." He split it equally among the grandchildren of the family and everyone was happy with that.

Could you leave a letter to Andrew along the same lines? E.g. So proud of your success, so proud of your children. Don't want to you to feel less important to me in any way than your siblings and I know I can trust you to use the money I've left as I'd have wanted if any of the other grandchildren are really struggling. Or have a chat with him along those lines?

Another one here, split equally, leave good amount, 10 grand to each gc which will be amazing amount for the the poor gc.. And of course this will help their dp out too...

But.... Simply help out those poor ones a bit now if you you can. I might even be tempted to write these feelings in the will or with letter accompanying it. You could also set up junior is as for poor ones and contribute to those now.. A little every month, stocks and shares.

I totally understand your thinking however... It's not fair but as pp said you don't know what's roundabout the corner at all. I have seen many a downfall.

Eg very wealthy successful man, gets cheated on... Depressed.. Doesn't have any motivation... Looses job... Lives off capital... Suddenly nothing left, missed boat career wise. Similarly I have seen wealthy man loose his wife and again, life destroyed... Be equal, give gc nice amount ie enough to get driving and buy car... But start to activity help poor ones now, discreetly even if that means... Just opening account only you can afford to add a bit too.

Natalie my dm left similar sort of letter and she wildly underestimate the character of that person... And they didn't spilt anything

How about 50% split equally between the 3 children, and the other 50% split equally between the 6 grandchildren?

It means both your children and your grandchildren will get a meaningful amount at the time in their lives when they might find it most useful (grandchildren for house deposits etc). It also avoids the problems leaving fixed amounts for grandchildren might cause, e.g. if a large chunk of the estate goes on care fees. Also avoids issue of splitting it only among the 3 children, if 1 or more of those children spends all of their share during their lifetime, eventually leaving nothing for your grandchildren.

A relative of mine has done this, told us all in advance, and we all think it's a really good idea.

I'd be massively unimpressed at one sibling being selected to make a decision like that!

Just an idea, as there are large sums involved. Could you not help out some of the the less advantaged members now. Pay uni fees or something? Give them a boost?

In your shoes I would struggle massively to split equally. I would 100% talk to your son about your dilemma and see what his view is.

I would hope that my son would give his blessing to help his least well off siblings.

I would still leave him a decent amount though. Maybe 50k if I had the same amount to distribute as you

I would help those that need it NOW and then all leave same.

Please split it three ways. This has happened in my family where the brother who is quite frankly a lazy arse who won't stick at a job if it's in any way hard has been prioritised over my dad who worked for years as a plumber doing quite literally shit work, getting more senior until he now runs a large commercial plumbing company. Yes he is well off but he was really hurt to be penalised while waster brother used the money to take 'a year' off work and has never gone back since (five years).

I haven't read all the replies but tried to read the OPs replies....

I'm the Andrew and I think it should be a THREE way split. However I'd support some help going towards the skint kids while you are alive.

My Dad mentioned to me about doing an unfair split favouring my skint sibling and I did the right thing and said it was his money etc but inside I felt surprisingly hurt. My siblings are all massive wasters and have all made lots of really dumb life choices. One is due in court soon 🙄. ...I wasn't academic but I worked and worked whereas my sibling didn't.
Anyway my Dad changed his mind and said he is splitting everything three ways as my siblings are so useless. I am glad.

I will and do help out my siblings from time to time and I don't have any issues with my parents helping them out as they go from one fuck up to the next. One of my siblings is quite a nasty character whereas I'm far more the 'golden' child. I do loads for my parents and get on brilliantly with them. I still think my obnoxious sibling should get an equal share of any inheritance. It's the only way.

I would treat children differently if one was disabled though.

So, a three way split and don't involve the GC

I would help your children/grandchildren who need it now if there's any way you can, based on need. Then split equally whatever is left over when you die.

@NataliaOsipova - thankfully your husband is evidently one of life's good guys as otherwise that could have gone horribly wrong! I'd say proceeding in that way is a massive gamble personally. Safest option to ensure the money is divided the way you want it to be is to be responsible for the division yourself, not leave it to one of your children's discretion...

Perhaps the OP can’t ‘help now’. It might be all tied up in her home, so unless she wants to move house, or release equity it might not be possible.

I wouldn’t discuss this with Andrew & I would leave the money equally.

It’s one thing for the ‘child’ to say to the parents ‘I don’t need anything, my siblings do, please share any inheritance between them’ than for a parent to decide to do this.

You have three children who were (I assume) all given an equal start in life. Why would you penalise one who has worked hard/made good decisions/been more ‘lucky’? Anything could happen to change ‘Andrew’s’ or his children’s lives completely.

Split it three ways equally.

Its the best way and you won't be able to change anything when you're dead. I'm sure you don't want to cause a shit storm after your death.

I think it should be split equally. It would be punishing success otherwise

I am one of the children in your scenario, one of the lower earners.

My brother is like Andrew.
The only difference in our situation is that we are all close and the cousins are close.

I would not want my parents to favour one or the other of us like that in thier will, and nor would I expect my brother to give my a chunk of that money.
BUT, my parents do support me in lot sof ways, some of which are financial.

I would do several things:

1. Give some of the money now (if possible) for things like house deposit.
2. talk to Andrew about why you have done the above.

3 focus on the child with SEN, what provision is there for his future? I would prioritise this child, and as a sibling I would be totally fine with that as it is not a normal circumstance. If he is likely to need long term help, then consider putting aside money for that, but only after talking to the others about it.

Apart from that, split it 3 ways. Anythign else is a recipe for long term hurt

Leave a sum of money to your DGC for them to have at a certain age. if you can help the ones that need it now in any way now, do so.

Otherwise leave it equally. It will cause a rift if you don't.