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Original poster

How to deal with MIL from hell

100 replies

M0na1isa · 31/01/2018 23:29

When you are invited to dinner and MIL hugs you and whispers into your ear that your wearing FUCK ME SHOES so that no one else can hear and to hurt you. And when you announce in front of your hubbie and kids what she did you still have to apologize to her for being nasty otherwise she might have a mental breakdown?
Need help to deal with MIL who treats me horribly after being faithful to her son and loving and giving her the only grandchildren she has whilst she sucks up to her other sons wife who controls and pegs him down. MIL says nasty comments all the time to me and then justifies it by saying she wasn't being mean but she clearly was; or she was just kidding!
Need serious tips on handling MIL as I am very close to leaving family after surviving 20 years

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/02/2018 23:32

And I completely disagree with Rewn7's suggestion.

You called her on it like an adult.

Stick to it without apologising or pussy footing around her.

You have every right to do this.

gillybeanz · 01/02/2018 23:39

Your dh has stood by for 20 years and encouraged this by not stopping her, how old are your dc?
Please don't tell me they think it's your fault too?

Your dh needs to support you in this as any decent loving person would, and you need to either stand up to her with his backing or ltb.

ZacharyQuack · 01/02/2018 23:42

Whisper back "No dear, I'm wearing Fuck You shoes"

maddening · 02/02/2018 00:15

Whisper back in her ear "there is no bed to be such a cunt "

Whitecurrants · 02/02/2018 00:33

I'm obviously in a minority - I would be quite ticked to have somebody say that. Unless they were Birkenstocks of course - that would be weird.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 02/02/2018 00:46

So tell Bish what is Hmm susposed to mean?

Ladyformation · 02/02/2018 09:24

Whitecurrants I'm with you - I'd take that as a compliment so I'm a bit confused as to why OP is that bothered and PPs are calling it abusive behaviour, unless I'm missing a big backstory!

MrsFantastic · 02/02/2018 09:27

I don't get why the shoe comment was that offensive, unless you were wearing unsexy shoes or you don't like swearing.

Lemontart25 · 02/02/2018 09:31

I would say "Yes, hubby bought them for that precise reason! Ask him Wink Haven't took them off all night Grin"

PompholyxOfUnknownOrigin · 02/02/2018 09:34

I can well believe that she’s been horrible for 20 years, but I really don’t think this was a particularly awful comment. But maybe it felt like the last straw to you.

Shadow666 · 02/02/2018 09:36

Just don't visit them anymore. Who cares if they are offended

diddl · 02/02/2018 09:50

So she made a comment about you which you repeated?

Who said that you should apologise & why did you?

If it was nasty when you repeated it then it was nasty when she said it.

Why would she have a breakdown??!!

Typical bully who can dish it out & not take it?

Stop seeing her & think about your husband's part in this.

mummmy2017 · 02/02/2018 09:51

Thank her everytime, they hate it.

LeekSoup · 02/02/2018 09:53

Go NC.

Appuskidu · 02/02/2018 09:54

Tell us exactly what happened when you had to apologise-that’s the weirdest thing about all this.

Idontdowindows · 02/02/2018 09:55

Is your husband siding with his mother? Then you have a husband problem, not a MIL problem and that is what you have to address.

LiveLifeWithPassion · 02/02/2018 10:00

Just refuse to have anything to do with her. Why do you bother to see her?

JakeBallardswife · 02/02/2018 10:01

Go low contact. I now don't invite her here, my DH organises it all and it just never happens! We're never invited over to her house, so months go by without contact. When I do see her I'm often 'working', so can't go out to dinner with them. I've managed 20 years too and the last 2 have been the best since I decided to do this for my sanity. She's asked me before why I no longer contact her and I just said I make arrangements with my parents and DH does with her, makes sense no? She found it difficult to respond to this, as then she was criticizing her DS.

BoffinMum · 02/02/2018 10:01

She sounds like she knows she can always get away with having a go at you. Just wriggle out of seeing her whenever you can, play a bit vague and stupid so she is never sure whether her comments have hit the mark or not.

Peachyking000 · 02/02/2018 10:03

I’d have replied (loudly) “What are fuck me shoes?” with a confused expression on my face. Hopefully it would have made her look foolish while trying to explain

sadie9 · 02/02/2018 10:06

About the comment about you 'being faithful to her son'. What's that about if you want to say...was someone else not faithful? Does she make you feel 'not good enough' or something?

Marvellousmarge · 02/02/2018 10:12

It was a bizarre thing to say but why on earth did you feel the need to tell your husband and CHILDREN?

Both of you sound pretty bonkers.

WingsOnMyBoots · 02/02/2018 10:16

"Thank you! Your son loves them as well...don't you, darling?'

GU24Mum · 02/02/2018 10:25

Sadly, unless you can find a way to make light of the comments (I doubt I could....), you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Presumably your OH either doesn't think it's that bad or it's just her way or he simply won't have the stomach to have it out with her. In that case your choice is going NC or leaving your OH.

Sounds grim - you have my sympathy.

notsodimwit · 02/02/2018 10:27

When I read threads like this I feel so sad as I thank my lucky stars I had a lovely MIL(she died nearly 4 years ago and I still miss her so much) I would not have known what to do if she had been horrid to me! It must be awful x

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