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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums money

58 replies

oldguygirl · 31/01/2018 17:42

My mum passed away two weeks ago at 78. My mum would never discuss death - she left no instructions for funeral and no will.
I have two half sisters that I was brought up with- my dad was still married to my mum. My dad and my half sisters have had a difficult relationship over the years. It's definitely a case that they are all as bad as each other.
My Mum has approx £6k in an account in her name-my dad is in the process of getting access to this account .
He has decided that this money is to be used to pay for her funeral (even though they had plenty of 'their' money from the sale of a house.
He has not said what will happen to any money that may be
Left over (if any).
I feel that this money should be split between her three daughters (obviously that includes me). I don't personally care if I get anything but as the other two are never going to get any inheritance from my Dad and this is my Mums money surely my sisters should get something even if that just a couple of hundred quid.
I haven't spoken to my Dad yet I am waiting to see funeral costs first and I'm not sure I will want his response just yet as he is likely to tell me to get lost. It seems crap that he is allowed to make this decision to exclude them but as her next of kin - he does and will do it out of spite.

Am I being totally unreasonable or does this make sense. I'd like some (kind please) other perspective it on it.

OP posts:
iwantavuvezela · 31/01/2018 17:46

I am very sorry to hear about your mother.
I think that if there is no other money then it might well be used to cover the funeral.
Did you mum have any jewellry or things that reminded you of her that perhaps you in and your sisters could share, that way you will have something tangible to remember her by?

Hope you get to sort this out amicably

ThePants999 · 31/01/2018 17:48

I don't understand what you're expecting to happen instead. Funeral costs come from the deceased's estate if possible, why wouldn't the money in your mum's account be used for it?

TeeniefaeTroon · 31/01/2018 17:49

If they're still married then it will all go to him, as it should to be honest. He may give you and your sisters some of her possessions if he wishes, but he doesn't have to. So sorry for your loss x

cricketballs3 · 31/01/2018 17:51

was your Dad still married to your Mum? If he was then it automatically is your Dad's inheritance unless there is a will.

sorry for your loss

Atalune · 31/01/2018 17:52

Funerals are expensive. At least £3k.

Unfortunately your mum didn’t leave any instructions. Take something of hers to remember her buy, a nice ornament or something like that.

My mum recently passed and I took her old cheese grater as I can vividly remember making cheese on toast with her as a kid using it.

Money- well yeah it would be nice. But ultimately you never knew you were going to get it, so don’t let it weigh on you.

FrancisCrawford · 31/01/2018 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
oldguygirl · 31/01/2018 17:53

What about the money that is both their names that is in a joint account. Why only use money that is only in her name.
As I said I don't care and my sister have not mentioned this.
But they will never benefit from my fathers estate unless I ignore his wishes when he dies and give them a share.

OP posts:
Whatshallidonowpeople · 31/01/2018 17:55

It's your dad's money now and he can use it for what he likes. When you inherit you can split the entire estate 3 ways. Your mum should have allowed for this by making a will. Sorry for your loss.

vespertillio · 31/01/2018 17:56

Sorry for your loss OP - sounds like you should have a word with your Dad, and as others have said, also sounds like you should each have some of your mum's jewellery or other momentos

Knittedfairies · 31/01/2018 17:56

I think you are being unreasonable; as someone upthread said, the costs of a funeral are usually taken from the deceased's estate.

Original poster
oldguygirl · 31/01/2018 17:57

My poor sisters that’s all I say!

OP posts:
Atalune · 31/01/2018 17:58

Honestly you sound overly interested in the money.

When you dad dies you may be in a position to more fairly distribute any £££ but don’t count on it.

vespertillio · 31/01/2018 17:59

Oh - and YANBU to want something for your sisters, who cares where the money 'usually' comes from, have a word with your Dad, especially if your sisters had a good relationship with your mum. In time, if you inherit a lot from your dad you might want to consider sharing something with them.

Battleax · 31/01/2018 18:02

I think if you're keen for your half sisters to inherit something from their (your) mother, you need to share part of your inheritance from your father with them when and if you eventually receive it.

Until then, it's quite normal for the spouse to inherit and the best you can hope for is "keepsake" personal possessions for each daughter. Could you be the one to negotiate that?

Original poster
oldguygirl · 31/01/2018 18:08

Well again that’s down to him to decide if he is going to give away her jewellery . I have no idea at the moment and I regards to me giving them any share of an estate then I will be going against his wishes if I did that. He will not want them to have ‘his’ money and given that my mother money and all her possessions are now his - he can do what he wants whether i like it or not.
Feels very unfair but guess she should have left a bloody will!!!

OP posts:
SilverySurfer · 31/01/2018 18:12

When a spouse dies any money normally goes to the remaining spouse, in this case your DF It's entirely up to him whether he uses your DM's savings for her funeral and apart from giving maybe a token amount or personal items to children, he is not obliged to do anything.

NewYearNewMe18 · 31/01/2018 18:14

I'm so sorry for your loss .... but the choice to not make a will was entirely your mothers.

Regardless if it was a joint account or not, your father is next of kin and will inherit.

Knittedfairies · 31/01/2018 18:16

Even if she had left a will, the funeral costs would be met from her estate first.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 31/01/2018 18:16

Haha once the money is yours, you can do what you like with it. Clearly you aren't that concerned with them getting a share of your mum's estate.

lackingimagination · 31/01/2018 18:18

I really hope that when I die my loved ones don't just focus on money. Sad.

Original poster
oldguygirl · 31/01/2018 18:19

Believe me I am more focused on the death of my poor mother than any money. Always rely on mumsnet to make you feel shit

OP posts:
paniconthestreetsofdreams · 31/01/2018 18:21

No need for the nastiness here. Clearly you all can't read. Op is concerned for her sisters and their feelings.

Thanks for you. I think you're right. Could you speak frankly to your dad?

DriggleDraggle · 31/01/2018 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 31/01/2018 18:22

Honestly you sound overly interested in the money

Why did you feel the need to type those words?

This is her recently deceased mother she’s talking about.

Battleax · 31/01/2018 18:24

Well which is it? His or hers or joint money? If he's currently got the joint proceeds from the joint property, then later you'll be perfectly correct in viewing anything he leaves you as partly your mum's money.

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