Mums money

[oldguygirl]

My mum passed away two weeks ago at 78. My mum would never discuss death - she left no instructions for funeral and no will.
I have two half sisters that I was brought up with- my dad was still married to my mum. My dad and my half sisters have had a difficult relationship over the years. It's definitely a case that they are all as bad as each other.
My Mum has approx £6k in an account in her name-my dad is in the process of getting access to this account .
He has decided that this money is to be used to pay for her funeral (even though they had plenty of 'their' money from the sale of a house.
He has not said what will happen to any money that may be
Left over (if any).
I feel that this money should be split between her three daughters (obviously that includes me). I don't personally care if I get anything but as the other two are never going to get any inheritance from my Dad and this is my Mums money surely my sisters should get something even if that just a couple of hundred quid.
I haven't spoken to my Dad yet I am waiting to see funeral costs first and I'm not sure I will want his response just yet as he is likely to tell me to get lost. It seems crap that he is allowed to make this decision to exclude them but as her next of kin - he does and will do it out of spite.

Am I being totally unreasonable or does this make sense. I'd like some (kind please) other perspective it on it.

I have to say that everything anyone says about mumsnet is true. I’m a lurker but I will never post again- bunch of bitches! Of course the money is my Fathers but morally it isn’t.
The only reason that this money exists is that for 3 years my mother had been so illl with the most horrendous dementia that she was unable to spend the tiny amount of industrial injury pension that she received (£40) a week- which considered to be her money to do whatever she wanted. My dad has been trying to get access to it for all that time - she wouldn’t sign anything to let him. Now she is dead he can do what he wants- but it still doesn’t make it right.
When he dies I will be giving all his money to a cat charity- he bloody hates cats.
And as for you lot- I hope you never have to deal with anything so shitty because I have no sympathy for you

oldguygirl, sorry you feel like that. I don't think everyone was mean, I tried to be helpful and so did others. This is obviously a stressful time for you so maybe give yourself some time.

I can read several helpful posts. What you wanted was a mob to agree with you. The AIBU forum will always throw the legalities at you before the moral.

Wills aren't a legal obligation. If they were, your mother may have chosen to leave her sole account to you and your half siblings. Equally she may not.

You know ther is 6k in that account, if you had a moral backbone, come your fathers passing, you would take 6K from his estate, ostensibly as your mothers portion, and divide it equally with your sisters. Or his whole estate could be divided between the three of you if you so chose. But you dont actually like any one in your family some of us have nasty narcissistic fathers and spiteful sisters - and TBH, you rather sound like the apple hasnt fallen far from the tree.

So, get off your high horse, and YOU do what is morally right when the time comes.

It’s normal when someone’s spouse dies the estate passes over to them over there children before it goes to dc as there’s a surving spouse it’s only when they die it goes to the dc. My dm has terminal cancer when he does die I wouldn’t expect me and my dbros to get any inheritance because everything goes back to my dm. Your expecting your dad to give you and you sisters your dm money and fund the funeral from his own money? The money is going towards a sent off to your dm.

I think assuming there is plenty of other money that he could use, yes, it's in poor form and I would think it would be a gesture of kindness at a difficult time to split some of what was your mum's between the three of you. But unfortunately, when there is no will, this is the sort of mess that gets left behind. My dad had no will and was similarly afraid of death and dealing with any of that. Then he got terminal cancer and still refused to deal with it. What got left behind was a right mess. I have a half brother as well who my dad was not close to (he's a bit of a jerk, I hardly knew him growing up, and he disappeared for several years before my dad died and no one heard from him, he only resurfaced in the last month of his life and then as soon as he died set up a meeting with a solicitor to negotiate with me over how much money he'd get before my dad's body had even been moved to the funeral home! he's a real wanker, as you can see). Anyway, it was a mess and though I'm sure my dad would have preferred he didn't get anything and wasn't involved at all, unfortunately with no will, we had to split things evenly (which is fine) but more than that we each had an equal say in all decisions about his affairs. It made it all so stressful because my half brother was clearly just out for money and it didn't matter to him whether things were done the way my dad would have wanted them to be done. So yes, I think it would be probably the right thing to do to make sure that you and your half sisters get something from your mum's estate, assuming he has the money to pay for the funeral, all the legal bits, to continue to pay the mortgage, etc. but without a will, he isn't obligated to, which is a shame.

I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry your father has a difficult relationship with you and your sisters and with your mother. It sounds like a difficult situation.

Unfortunately, if your mother did not leave a will, all of here assets pass to your father.

When he passes, unless he leaves a will, his assets will pass to you and you can do whatever you like with his money.

I actually think people have been very kind and constructive, OP. To call us a bunch of bitches when you don't get the response you want is uncalled for and unfair. Let's be charitable and put it down to your grief.

Sorry for your loss OldGuyGirl but the fact is that if your father and mother were married and she died intestate then HE inherits it all (unless she had a huge estate when the rules change a little). You aren't entitled to anything legally and IMO not morally either. He was her husband!

My own mother died and had several thousand pounds in savings in her own name as well joint accounts and the house shared with my father.

Needless to say my father got it all (as was only right). My brother and I did share some of her jewellery though.

We are highly unlikely to inherit anything when father dies as a) he has spent most of it living the highlife (good for him he's having a great time and we like seeing him so happy) and b) he has remarried and lives abroad so laws in that country apply.