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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

OP going away when baby will be 6 weeks old

75 replies

magpiemay · 31/01/2018 11:06

I'm 23 weeks pregnant so quite aware I might be being unreasonable as I've been very over sensitive and hormonal lately...

OP has bought tickets and booked to go away for the night out of town to a gig when our baby will be 6 weeks old. He didn't mention anything to me or discuss it before committing but has now spent quite a lot of money on a ticket and just text to tell me he is going

AIBU to be annoyed? I think we should have at least discussed this! He really doesn't seem to understand how much things will change when baby comes- he won't be able to just do as he pleases and leave me holding the baby!!

OP posts:

Original poster

magpiemay · 31/01/2018 11:06

Baby brain- OH not OP!! Sorry!

OP posts:

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 31/01/2018 11:07

Well he seems to think that he can do as he pleases and leave you with the baby....

scaryteacher · 31/01/2018 11:08

My dh was at sea when ds was 6 weeks old. We survived!

lurkingnotlurking · 31/01/2018 11:09

The anxiety hit me hard with my first, so yabu. But one piece of advice - don't stress about the perfect bedtimes etc. The baby will nap perfectly well on your chest on the sofa while you watch TV and eat tasty snacks. I was far too stressed the first time around as I thought I had to take him to a darkened room, play lullabies and generally make myself very miserable. Enjoy your snacks and baby snuggles while he/she sleeps on you of an evening. It was evenings that made me most stressed

lurkingnotlurking · 31/01/2018 11:09

Sorry I meant yanbu

MrsHathaway · 31/01/2018 11:10

It will almost certainly be fine. Even if baby is very late you'll be thoroughly into the swing of things (for better or worse) and he's likely to be back at work so you'll be going solo all day.

Could you have a friend or family member stay with you that night so you won't be lonely? Loneliness is usually the worst bit.

Whether or not he understands how a baby changes a family is a separate question.

Trinity66 · 31/01/2018 11:10

For 1 night? I think you're being unreasonable if it's not a common thing, I mean if he does stuff like that often then yes it'll become a problem

Cowandchickentake2 · 31/01/2018 11:10

My ex went on a stag do in Spain when DS was 6 weeks for a weekend and I coped fine.

restingbemusedface · 31/01/2018 11:14

YANBU to think he should have discussed it first, but maybe he doesn’t realise yet just how hard looking after a 6 week old will be?

You will cope fine. And then you can remind him a few months later that he owes you a night away ;)

BelindasRedPlasticHandcuffs · 31/01/2018 11:15

YANBU for being annoyed that he unilaterally took the decision to spend a chunk of family money on a night away without so much as speaking to you. Hopefully when the baby arrives he will wake up and realise he should be considering the fact there is a new human to consider before making his own plans...

User3billion · 31/01/2018 11:16

You'll be fine but I think it was out of order for him to just go ahead and book it! So no, yanbu!

GabriellaMontez · 31/01/2018 11:16

It would have been kind to discuss it first. Things can be hard with a newborn. Personally I think nights away should be checked with each other first in case there's stuff on. He obviously doesn't feel like this...

viques · 31/01/2018 11:17

One night? I think your baby brain is kicking in, you will be fine! Many people don't have their partners (or even have partners!) with them while their babies are small, forces families, people working abroad, on ships etc.

But, if the issue is your partner not discussing big ,or even small, decisions with you then that is a more serious problem than one night away and one you need to address. .

Trinity66 · 31/01/2018 11:17

but maybe he doesn’t realise yet just how hard looking after a 6 week old will be?

With my two I found that age so easy, all they did was eat and sleep, it's when they get a bit older and start teething etc is when it gets harder (in my experience of course)

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 31/01/2018 11:19

He should have run it past you, but I don't think the one night away is really a problem. It's all a bit overwhelming and exhausting but it's just one night. Hopefully when he gets back he'll give you a few hours break and you can do something for you.

reetgood · 31/01/2018 11:19

At 6 weeks you’ll probably have a fair measure of things. My baby is 4 weeks and I could do an evening solo. At two weeks I had baby blues and couldn’t deal with being in alone. I think a one off gig is fine. I’d ask that he helps you have moments of things you like to do - granted if breastfeeding a night might be pushing it but having a bath, getting your hair cut, going for a walk solo... those are all things you might want to do

SheepyFun · 31/01/2018 11:19

Unlike for others, this would have been a deal breaker for me - you might only have a 4 week old following a c-section. DH was asked to go overseas for work when DD was about 3 months. He knew I was struggling so told them he wouldn't be going, and was prepared to resign over it (we could have afforded this, it was no empty threat). He didn't go. You can probably tell I'd have been massively unimpressed if he'd gone away for fun when DD was 6 weeks!

Buglife · 31/01/2018 11:20

He should have mentioned it/asked you so I can see why you are cross about it. However you will most likely be fine for a night, my DH has to go away for work 3 times (longer than one night) before DS was 4 months and that got a bit tough. Make sure he gets you lots of food in and just spend the day (and maybe night!) lying on the sofa watching TV. And tell him that he has to ask next time!

melclaire1111 · 31/01/2018 11:21

My husband arranged to go to a football weekend away when Ds should of been about 4 weeks old. She ended up being late and I had an emergency section so she was 10 days old, and we were fine. Tbh I enjoyed having some alone time with me and DS and an excuse to just stay snuggled on the sofa with her.

I do agree he should have at least discussed it with you first though. I honestly think some men have no idea how much things will change compared to some women.

userabcname · 31/01/2018 11:21

I agree your partner should have discussed it with you first. It is important that you are not seen as the default parent while he continues to do as he wants.
However, at 6 weeks you will be fine with the baby. My DH went on a stag when DS was 4 weeks. Admittedly my mum did come and stay with me but I would have been fine on my own.

ArcheryAnnie · 31/01/2018 11:21

YANBU. He should have discussed it with you.

You will be absolutely fine, inasmuch as any woman with a six-week-old baby will be fine (ie you will be absolutely knackered but will cope).

However, your DP doesn't seem to have adjusted to the fact that you are not just two free spirits, doing your own thing, any more. He's a parent now. You will need to have a chat about all kinds of things, including joint finances, and your reasonable expectations of him as the parent of a child.

peachgreen · 31/01/2018 11:22

YANBU OP and it's a bit frustrating to see people saying it doesn't matter because you'll cope etc. Yes of course you'll cope, but that's not the point. The baby is as much his responsibility as yours and things like this should be discussed. I'd love to see his reaction if you booked an evening out and left him with the baby at 6 weeks without discussing it in advance. It's just another example of men being able to act like nothing has changed after they have a baby.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 31/01/2018 11:22

I thought he was going away for a few weeks from the title.One night is fine and at 6weeks you'll be fine.It'll be summer,you may have met other mums and got new friends, after he's been away bank that night and have a girls night when you feel up to leaving your baby.

Dahlietta · 31/01/2018 11:23

it's when they get a bit older and start teething
The trouble is that you don't know what your baby will be like. Both of mine, for example, had 4 teeth by 6 weeks! If you have a baby who does not just eat and sleep (and many aren't that easy), you will resent him a lot more going away for a jolly.
I'm sure it will be absolutely fine for one night and you will cope perfectly well, but I do think it's a bit insensitive of him not to consult you and it sounds like it might be part of a bigger picture. It would be totally different if he had to go away for work, but if it's a sign of him putting himself first all the time, that's more of a concern.

ElizabethLemon · 31/01/2018 11:24

I don’t think he’s being unreasonable to go but he was unreasonable to not discuss it first.

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