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AIBU?

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Original poster

OP going away when baby will be 6 weeks old

75 replies

magpiemay · 31/01/2018 11:06

I'm 23 weeks pregnant so quite aware I might be being unreasonable as I've been very over sensitive and hormonal lately...

OP has bought tickets and booked to go away for the night out of town to a gig when our baby will be 6 weeks old. He didn't mention anything to me or discuss it before committing but has now spent quite a lot of money on a ticket and just text to tell me he is going

AIBU to be annoyed? I think we should have at least discussed this! He really doesn't seem to understand how much things will change when baby comes- he won't be able to just do as he pleases and leave me holding the baby!!

OP posts:
BridgetJonesDaiquiri · 31/01/2018 11:24

I think the issue is that he booked it without consulting you at all and that would really bug me. But you’ll be fine one night with a 6-week old trust me. Can a friend or sister/mum stay the night? That might help. My DH went away to a wedding abroad for two nights when my DD was 8 weeks old - he was an usher so had to go really but I didn’t feel comfortable travelling then with a newborn so he went alone. We coped, although I did get massive FOMO lol

allthecheese · 31/01/2018 11:24

YANBU that he should have talked to you about it first. However you will be fine on your own for one night, and make sure you also get a night off!

I've got a 3 week old, and am dreaming about a night alone in a hotel. Maybe express enough milk to last a night and go and do that? Or have a night out with friends?

InDubiousBattle · 31/01/2018 11:25

YANBU. You could have a 4 week old and a c section. At 4 weeks with my first we were really struggling with bf as he'd just had a tongue tie snipped. It isn't so much about whether or not you will cope (you will!)it's more the assumption that he can just do as he pleases without consulting you that is the problem.

Trinity66 · 31/01/2018 11:26

The trouble is that you don't know what your baby will be like. Both of mine, for example, had 4 teeth by 6 weeks! If you have a baby who does not just eat and sleep

wow that's early isn't it? And yes of course you're right, luckily my two were pretty easy babies but of course that's not always the way it goes!

dingdongdigeridoo · 31/01/2018 11:28

Depends if he has form for this really. My DH went to a festival when DS was 10 weeks old, but in general he gave up a lot of socialising when DS was little. So I didn’t mind a couple of nights.

I think the issue is that he didn’t ask you first. You might need to talk about how you’ll arrange nights out in future.

TheFairyCaravan · 31/01/2018 11:29

DH went away with the RAF for 2 weeks when DS2 was 16 days old. I was still unable to walk with severe SPD, I had a 2 year old, DS2 was recovering from bronchiolitis and we had no family support. We survived though thanks to our really good friends and neighbours.

One night at 6 weeks with just DS1 wouldn’t have bothered me at all.

Dahlietta · 31/01/2018 11:30

wow that's early isn't it?

Yes, they're toothy little critters!

HollyBayTree · 31/01/2018 11:30

I'm not seeing the issue, unless you want to go to and he hasnt asked?

Trinity66 · 31/01/2018 11:34

I'm not seeing the issue, unless you want to go to and he hasnt asked?

Well, when you have kids, they need to have someone with them at all times so the right thing to do if one or other of you want to go out is to check that it's ok with other first because it should be both your responsibility not just the mothers

newyearsameme80 · 31/01/2018 11:34

Wow. I can’t believe imagine either of us booking a night away without discussing it with eachother first, and no babies in sight. I do think you need to make a big deal of this OP or it will keep happening. It’s not about whether you can cope or not, it’s about whether it’s ok to completely take advantage of your partner being there to mind the baby. You need to find new ways of arranging things once a baby is here.

newyearsameme80 · 31/01/2018 11:38

Also weekends are the time when dhs look after babies while exhausted new mothers get some sleep... I hope you get a good sleeper OP, I’ve heard they exist but I’ve never had personal experience..

WonderLime · 31/01/2018 11:38

It's not necessarily about him going away, but that he hasn't discussed it with you first.

Is that likely to be a continued issue? I'd be pissed if my DP did that without talking to me first.

ConferencePear · 31/01/2018 11:39

I'm sure you will be fine for one night on your own. The problem here is that your DH hasn't yet understood that when you have a baby it's a shared responsibility. You need to put that right.

reetgood · 31/01/2018 11:42

Thinking about it more, my boyfriend started panic booking in social occasions as my pregnancy progressed. His way of dealing with impending life change. Could yours be similar?

Blackteadrinker77 · 31/01/2018 11:42

It's a bit weird that he would just book a night away without talking to you first, baby or no baby.

Does he often do things like this?

Clandestino · 31/01/2018 11:42

I wouldn't be worried, tbh, you'll manage. I'd be more worried if this becomes a regular thing but you need to set the rules fast.

Amanduh · 31/01/2018 11:47

I don’t think him going is a problem at all.
He sjould have asked/discussed it first though, baby or no baby.
My ds was a dream at 6 weeks, probably the easiest he’s ever been and the only time he sat still 😂

Original poster
magpiemay · 31/01/2018 11:48

Thanks for all your replies.

I understand that lots of mums have to go alone for various reasons ie working away etc and I'm not concerned that I won't cope- just that he didn't even discuss this with me first!

In the past he has always mentioned if he was thinking of booking tickets to a gig or a night away. This time he just text and said he was going.

I've just replied and said 'that's nice'

My mum has already offered to visit for the weekend and stay over- not that I don't think I'd manage but it will be nice to have some company

It is the lack of consideration that has annoyed me, maybe like a pp said it's panic booking but I am going to have to speak to him and make it clear we need to discuss this kind of thing in future... trouble is I want to make it clear that I don't care he's going... just that he should have discussed it with me first!

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 31/01/2018 11:52

It's likely you will be fine and might not really care on the day but the issue is he didn't discuss it with you.

He is an adult and doesn't need to ask permission but he is also in a partnership with a new baby so he needs to start thinking of the unit and not the singular.

Dp and I have had a few times when we are away without the other, we don't ask if it's ok but we do tell the other (with plenty of notice) and check if there anything that would make it inconvenient etc for the other. It's about respect for the person and life we choose share

Ginkypig · 31/01/2018 11:53

Oh crosspost mag!

RedPandaMama · 31/01/2018 11:53

My OH had to go away for 5 days with work when DD was a month old. At the time I really really didn't want him to go but you know what? -whispers- I actually quite enjoyed it.

We did 2 nights at home and 2 at my parents to break up the loneliness but we were completely fine. Had lots of bonding time, watched a lot of Gossip Girl together Grin

newyearsameme80 · 31/01/2018 11:55

He also needs to be willing to cancel (and lose the money) if your baby is poorly or if you are unwell and need him. Tell him this he may be less trigger happy with his credit card next time.

Rumpledfaceskin · 31/01/2018 11:58

1 night? You’re overreacting. If it’s was a weeks holiday that might be different but I’m sure you’ll cope for 1 night. My dh was away all the time for work.

Trinity66 · 31/01/2018 12:05

In the past he has always mentioned if he was thinking of booking tickets to a gig or a night away. This time he just text and said he was going

Sounds like maybe he's getting a bit scared/panicky then? You should definitely have a chat to him, if it's out of character maybe you need to be understanding of the fact that he might be scared about becoming a dad (whilst also letting him know the baby is his responsibility as much as yours)

WonderLime · 31/01/2018 12:05

There is a huge difference between going away for work (essential) and booking a trip away without discussing it with your partner before the baby has come along. Neither of them know how it will be just yet - it could be easy and lovely, or they could have a really clingy, colicky baby (my baby would sleep unless someone was holding him for 3 weeks so we had to take turns doing night shifts).

My DP certainly wouldn't have considered booking a social/leisure event whilst DS was really tiny because he would want to make sure the whole family was okay first. If he did want to do anything (or I for that matter) we would talk about it first as we are both equally responsible for our child.

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