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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be embarrassed about my home ??

89 replies

Lillylou22 · 30/01/2018 22:56

I live in a small 2 bed house on a council estate, mostly I like it. It’s cheap, neighbours are friendly (mostly) and we havn’t really had too many problems ( bar the crazy downstairs neighbour but she wasn’t here long!).
Thing is the area has a bad rep, my friend and family joke about where I live and it’s starting to get me down. I hate people coming round always in fear they will say something negative. Comments range from “its nice and compact” to, “how do you cope?”
DP’s best pal is coming over this weekend with his snobby ass wife and I’m dreading it... is it normal to feel ashamed of feeling ashamed ? I feel guilty for even thinking this way as we have enough money, a clean comfortable home and have a happy life ! I need to tell people to F off and not care but I do Confused

OP posts:
ClementineWardrobe · 30/01/2018 23:00

Those that mind don't matter
Those that matter don't mind

Sod the snobby arse wife. If she makes pass agg comments just smile and imagine her saying it while sitting on the loo.

NancyDonahue · 30/01/2018 23:02

The family and friends who joke about where you live are bloody rude. I wouldn't invite them round, just socialise at home with the ones with manners.

Where you live sounds perfect and it works for you. Decent neighbours are priceless!. Enjoy your home and sod them.

kazillionaire · 30/01/2018 23:02

Just relax and think of the huge mortgage they probs have!

Craftylittlething · 30/01/2018 23:04

I have a friend who lives in an ex council house in a rough area, his home is lovely, cosy and it feels like a home. He chooses to live there because he can afford to travel, go out, have a nice life style and isn’t aspiring all the time. He just gets to be. I think that’s a great position to be in.

TwitterQueen1 · 30/01/2018 23:06

I think you need to close down comments and not laugh them off or ignore them. Take everything as a compliment. So if someone says "it's nice and compact" you say, "I know, it's fab isn't it? So easy to manage. If they say "how do you cope?" you say "Oh we absolutely love it here, it's so easy to manage, lovely neighbours etc etc". Never say anything even vaguely negative about your home.

meredintofpandiculation · 30/01/2018 23:07

Once upon a time I felt I should make a big effort to meet some people where I lived. So I went to a meeting of a women's organisation. One women started talking to me, and asked which road I lived. I told her. She spun on her heel and went to talk to someone else. Clearly no-one living in that road could have anything interesting to say.

Moral: there are some complete idiots in the world. Looks like you've met some of them too.

TheQueenOfWands · 30/01/2018 23:08

Snobby people are only hiding their insecurities.

The snobbiest person I know has no class, no manners and all of the achievments she boasts about are actually other people's achievements (her husband's or her son's).

I used to be a snob about stuff when I was younger. Turns out I was an uneducated fuckhead. I cringe about it now.
I suspect most snobby people are similar.

StillPissedOff · 30/01/2018 23:09

Lillylou22! I so agree with ClementineWardrobe.
It is your home and it suits you. No more to be said.
What anyone else thinks is their problem, not yours

Enjoy your home!

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 30/01/2018 23:21

with his snobby ass wife

And you're worried about her judging you?!

Withhindsight · 30/01/2018 23:23

Snobby wife is probably riddled with anxieties worrying about who is judging her instead of enjoying herself. Love your home and ooze homely loveliness, it'll give her something to think about

halcyondays · 30/01/2018 23:25

I wouldn't have these people round if they are so rude.

HermionesRightHook · 30/01/2018 23:25

If you can get away with it and keep a straight face, bemusement is a good one. You have to do it completely deadpan and not let any snark into your voice.

"How on earth do you cope?" says Mr Snob. "What with?" you ask. He then has to explain and look like a rude boor or back down.

"Gosh, isn't it compact?" says snobby gf. "What's compact?" you ask. She can't very well say "Your tiny house" without looking like a dick. Especially as it sounds like you have a lovely home.

It's the keeping the snark out of my voice I struggle with.

Changednamejustincase · 30/01/2018 23:29

Shree hasn't actually said anything negative about your home yet, has she? Give her a chance. If she does then you can judge her for it but don't be getting yourself all worked up with her because you think she might.

Lashalicious · 30/01/2018 23:30

Op, anybody who is making fun of where you live and saying the things you’ve told us in your post, they are not your friends. I wouldn’t let them in the door. As far as your family goes, tell them straight out not to put down where you live. If they continue, tell them they’re not welcome.

tracymars · 30/01/2018 23:31

I grew up in an area that had a bad reputation in my city. When I went to college or met new people as a teenager, the conversation would get around to where we lived. When I said "XX" the response was always "Really. You live there!?" I was a nice girl who didn't fit the stereotype of someone from that area. By the way my area felt fine to me. Ignore the bad reputation if it's not justified. And speak positively about it to people. You might actually change some peoples minds

ParkheadParadise · 30/01/2018 23:31

Years ago when I had DD1 I went to a baby group. There was a women there who invited us to her house. She lived in a massive house. I was really nervous thinking she was better than me. When we arrived her house was filthy and the smell was awful. I couldn't get out of there quick enough.
I remember my mum going mad when we got home because dd was covered in cat hair.

There is nothing to be embarrassed about living on a council estate, I grew up on one.

BulletFox · 30/01/2018 23:35

No, don't be embarrassed. It's your home and as they say, an Englishman's home is his castle ;)

CauliflowerBalti · 30/01/2018 23:39

I’ve actively chosen to stay in a not great area to keep my outgoings low and my options open. I value freedom and feeling financially secure more than the right postcode and keeping up appearances. If you knew my annual salary you’d be bewildered by my tiny, rough area house. This is not the point.

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about who you are and what you have. If they do, it’s totally their problem, not yours.

ThisLittleKitty · 30/01/2018 23:40

Is it a flat or a house? (Just you say house but then say the woman downstairs??)
I can understand how you feel I'm from a not so nice part of london where as my ex is from a nice part of central london and was always making nasty remarks about my area. Very annoying.

Jamiefraserskilt · 30/01/2018 23:50

Practice the deadpan stare, the long blink, pointed redirection of the eyes to the other person followed by "anyhow....."
If done often enough, it will have the desired effect.
If that doesn't work then you could always resort to questioning (with a smile) every comment made as per Hermione.

SkyIsTooHigh · 30/01/2018 23:57

You need to find better friends. Truly posh people often have impeccable manners and just say nice things. These people are only showing themselves up with their snide comments.

If I were you I'd disarm them with a confident wide smile and a "thanks, we love it." It's almost like an anti bullying thing - they will only tease/stick the knife in if they see they can get to you.

Italiangreyhound · 30/01/2018 23:58

Agree with TwitterQueen1

"I think you need to close down comments and not laugh them off or ignore them. Take everything as a compliment. So if someone says "it's nice and compact" you say, "I know, it's fab isn't it? So easy to manage. ...". Never say anything even vaguely negative about your home."

and

HermionesRightHook "You have to do it completely deadpan and not let any snark into your voice.

"How on earth do you cope?" says Mr Snob. "What with?" you ask. He then has to explain and look like a rude boor or back down.

No one should say anything rude about your home. Tell your family that you don't want to hear any comments that are negative, literally walk into another room if they start. So rude, and I think if you blank their comments they will shut up! Hope so.

HoppyHannah · 30/01/2018 23:58

I can understand your fears that you may be castigated by your visitor.

Says so much more about her than you or your abode!

Anyway, I would meet in the local pub/pizza place/whatever and leave out your house altogether. So much hassle avoided!

Sorry for shouting, but WHAT HAS DP SAID ABOUT THIS?

I think I'd visit my mother for the weekend and leave them at it.

lifetothefull · 31/01/2018 00:02

I was in 'rough' area and have now moved to a different area. There are advantages and disadvantages to both areas. Don't pretend there is nothing bad to say about the area you live in, as that's not realistic, but it might be worth pointing out (clearly and hopefully once and for all) to your friends and family that you're not enjoying them joking about it and you'd like them to stop. They probably don't realise the effect it has on you.

Original poster
Lillylou22 · 31/01/2018 00:14

with his snobby ass wife

And you're worried about her judging you?!

Oh no she truly is! She regularly goes on about the “jail bate” children she works with... basically any child who isn’t privately educated in her books Hmm

Is it a flat or a house? (Just you say house but then say the woman downstairs??)

It’s a flat but a 4 in a block set up so own entrance, I often say house just because in my minds eye flat makes me think of tower block style buildings Smile

Thanks for all the replies and I think you are all right. I am who I am, I live where I live and it isn’t anyone’s business really ! Granted it is “compact” and I would love to have more space mainly for the LO’s but we are happy and safe,which is more than can be said for many families in this country Smile

Some people are just so rude though aren’t they !

OP posts: