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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this man was a miserable git?

191 replies

Sashkin · 30/01/2018 19:56

Lighthearted, but obviously not completely lighthearted because it’s about my darling PFB.

DS is 10mo, and has always liked smiling at strangers when we are out. On the tube today, and he looks across at this middle-aged man next to us, gives him a shy little smile and tries a tentative wave. This. is. his. first. wave. ever, so clearly a massive milestone and proud moment for me. I coo at him “oh well done, are you waving at the nice man?” And the nice man harrumphs and goes back to his newspaper without even acknowledging poor little DS, who looks crestfallen.

AIBU to think this man was a miserable git if he couldn’t humour a small child for five minutes, and WIBU to burn his house down in retaliation?

OP posts:
HoppyHannah · 31/01/2018 00:39

kids are lovely but I ignore them most of the time.

Helicopter parents and look at my wonderful amusing (mad) child rubbish ruins it for me. Two minute grins is all I can do. And that needs me to sleep or have treble gin and tonics to recover.

PurpleRobe · 31/01/2018 00:58

Hahahahahaha

I'm sure your baby will get over the trauma

ferrier · 31/01/2018 01:06

Actually I care about random strangers' kids and will happily smile and wave to them. People who don't have either got other things on their minds (fair enough) or are grumpy gits.

strawberriesaregood · 31/01/2018 03:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnicornRainbowColours · 31/01/2018 06:56

Aww ppl on the tube are miserable, poor little DS I would of waved back.

Plumes · 31/01/2018 08:36

'Hysterical ninny' was in response to 'find babies repulsive and if you did that to me I would be deeply uncomfortable.'

Because y'know, that's a hysterical and ninnyish response to have to such an innocuous situation.

But if you find that 'horrific' maybe you veer into hysterical ninny territory yourself Smile

Fekko · 31/01/2018 08:49

I quite like babies and small children. I would have blown a raspberry and waved.

I’m the weird person who (sometimes) smiles in solidarity at fraught parents when their kids are kicking off and tell them it’s ok and we’ve all been there, I tell parents that their kids are great/cute/happy and say when I think they are ‘great parents’ (engaging wth their kids and having fun - not ignoring each other on their respective screens).

I say hello to dogs too (not the raspberry or waving bit).

But if i was having a shitty day or worrying about something I might not.

I would expect everyone to be the same. Some people don’t really like children or feel uncomfortable interacting with them - so what? You can’t make someone wave at a baby if they don’t feel like it. I don’t believe there’s a law.

Some people really hate cats and/or dogs (they really are grumpy, miserable and very weird).

Rebeccaslicker · 31/01/2018 08:51

Erm - your DS is already 10 months old and you haven't taught him yet NEVER to make eye contact or smile or speak on the tube???

YABU, OP! Wink

Fekko · 31/01/2018 08:53

They can’t be proper Londoners!

BootsAndCatsAndBootsAndCats · 31/01/2018 09:01

Yanbu. I would have waved back.

Yes, you're more interested in your baby than anyone else but a smile and a wave is hardly a big ask!

But DC won't have had his feelings hurt - he's too little for that.

Justmuddlingalong · 31/01/2018 09:14

There's a big difference between waving back to a child passing by you in the street and one waving at you in an enclosed space. Most people would interact in the 1st example. But in a situation where the parent is loud parenting at you, not only are you left feeling obliged to keep on waving, smiling and talking to the child, you also have to endure the wrath of other travellers, who see your interaction as encouraging the performance parent.

PsychoPumpkin · 31/01/2018 09:31

Wow, some right mardy arses on this thread!

I’d smile back in response to anyone, especially a small child.

Slanetylor · 31/01/2018 12:03

Is it performance parenting to say " well done for waving to the nice man?"

I think it's psychologically damaging not to acknowledge their little milestones. When a baby smiles, you smile back. When they take their first step you clap hands with glee. When they have their first wave, you say " well done". No?

Nakedavenger74 · 31/01/2018 12:14

I don't do children and I don't engage with children on public transport.
Many people don't.
The end
Dog on the other hand...Grin

Aridane · 31/01/2018 12:23

Slane - I suspect it is performance parenting (though in part it depends on tone and volume) - and, no, I don't think PFB will be psychologically damaged by commuter not acknowledging the milestone first wave

fourquenelles · 31/01/2018 12:46

I like interacting with small people on public transport. Unfortunately, I have the sort of face that makes babies and toddlers burst into tears when I look at them.Sad

PositivelyPERF · 31/01/2018 12:49

I think it's psychologically damaging not to acknowledge their little milestones 😂

Fuck sake! That’s the kind of comment that reinforces my refusal to interact with the children of performance parents.

Rebeccaslicker · 31/01/2018 12:50

When we lived in London, DP would often see celebrities when he was out with DD and plenty of them smiled/waved at her. Patrick Stewart even gave her a "HELLOOOO."

I lived there for 20 years before she came along and 3 years after, and the closest I ever came to a celebrity was seeing the dad from "vicar of dibley" buying toilet rolls in Tesco and being chucked off a table in a nightclub so they could give it to david sodding gest...

demirose87 · 31/01/2018 14:32

Yabu, the man was a stranger, he doesn't care that it was your child's first wave. He might have been a miserable sod, but he also could have been having a bad day, tired or just not really like children.I know a lot of people who are embarrassed about interacting with babies because it makes them feel silly. Don't waste any more time overthinking it.

alpineibex · 31/01/2018 14:44

Do people want us to completely ignore our children on public transport and not talk to them at all? Or only in hushed whispers? Is it the volume that makes it performance parenting or would me making some funny faces for my toddler to stop the beginnings of a crying session also be unacceptable?

I get that you don't want attention directed at you. But if OP had left out the " at the nice man" part and just said "Well done for waving! That's nice" would that have been "performance parenting" too?

It's the volume, right?

alpineibex · 31/01/2018 14:46

Just asking for clarification because it seems some have a very low-bar for what they class as performance parenting...

Ohyesiam · 31/01/2018 14:48

Grumpy man's loss.
Enjoy your lovely boy.

problembottom · 31/01/2018 14:53

This could have been me in my 20s. I didn't like kids apart from relations and didn't do interacting on the tube. If a baby had tried this kind of caper they would have got a scowl in return. Especially if their owner had called me a nice lady/woman to add insult to injury.

Now in my 30s I actively like kids and am a bit less miserable. But I wouldn't judge yer man there.

theymademejoin · 31/01/2018 14:56

@alpineibex - it's the "nice man" bit that I would find scary. It makes it sound like the parent is trying to reel him in for a full-on baby admiring/entertainment session. "well done for waving" would be perfectly fine, so long as the parent was obviously speaking to the child rather than the man/full carriage. Announcing to the carriage would warrant a bit of an eye-roll but that's it.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 31/01/2018 15:18

I smile back at babies I think are worthy of it. I don't smile at children who appear to be looking for attention or smiling purely to get a smile back. They get a stone face.

DP and I were smiling, waving and blowing kisses to a very bonny, naturally happy toddler last week, until his bratty approx 4yo sister clocked and turned to stare at me, expecting attention. Little brat turned back round sharpish when met with utter indifference.