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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this man was a miserable git?

191 replies

Sashkin · 30/01/2018 19:56

Lighthearted, but obviously not completely lighthearted because it’s about my darling PFB.

DS is 10mo, and has always liked smiling at strangers when we are out. On the tube today, and he looks across at this middle-aged man next to us, gives him a shy little smile and tries a tentative wave. This. is. his. first. wave. ever, so clearly a massive milestone and proud moment for me. I coo at him “oh well done, are you waving at the nice man?” And the nice man harrumphs and goes back to his newspaper without even acknowledging poor little DS, who looks crestfallen.

AIBU to think this man was a miserable git if he couldn’t humour a small child for five minutes, and WIBU to burn his house down in retaliation?

OP posts:
BattleaxeGalactica · 30/01/2018 20:59

Having had three of my own and been lovely to umpteen of my friends' babies I've done my bit. I thoroughly reserve the right never to engage again with one. Maybe he feels the same?

OracleOfDelphinium · 30/01/2018 21:00

O dear. “Darling PFB” tells its own story. By the time you are on Number 4, OP, you will be struggling to remember their name, never mibd counting precious milestones. As for numbers 5 and 6: who tf are you? Who said you were mine?

HoppyHannah · 30/01/2018 21:00

Men could be carted off for being paedophiles for smiling at a baby.

It is just not cricket anymore to be nice to children without potential consequences.

I personally do not like having to interract with dribbly kids. A nod and a smile is as much as I will do. I am a grumpy git most of the time so that could explain things. Babies grow into monsters like myself, so I always remember that fact!

thecatfromjapan · 30/01/2018 21:02

No, sadly wankers don't always take the bus (ponders term 'Bus Wankers'). I encountered one on the Victoria Line.

SusanBunch · 30/01/2018 21:02

Lol at the crestfallen 10 month old. I hope he does not require too much therapy in the future.

A lot of men are worried about interacting with strange children in public because there is a lot of hysteria around predators etc. Plus you have no idea about what is happening in his life, what sort of day he had had, what pressures he may be under etc. Many women who suffer infertility say that they can't even look at babies. That can be the case for men too. Or he could just be grumpy or an arsehole.

I guess the lesson is that the world does not revolve around you and your child and you cannot expect people to want to interact with your baby.

Slanetylor · 30/01/2018 21:03

He's a miserable git!! Your baby is a person too. If a grown human smiled at you in a friendly way you would at least acknowledge them. Why would you treat a little baby more rudely than anyone else!? Especially one who's clearly at the age of learning how to interact socially.

Fekko · 30/01/2018 21:04

To be honest there’s not a lot of social interaction to be had with a baby during a brief encounter on the tube.

The80sweregreat · 30/01/2018 21:05

I forgot ds2 's birthday month the other day. Is it june? Or
July. It was scary. My friend was puzzled. I will remember of course.

Fekko · 30/01/2018 21:06

Ummmm 80s, have you wandered into the wrong thread, dear?

SusanBunch · 30/01/2018 21:07

Fairy, (waves) my 21 year old also hates kids. He wont even like his own i think ( sadly) he would have stared at child

Errr or maybe he won't have children if he doesn't like them. That would make a lot more sense.

HoppyHannah · 30/01/2018 21:07

OP, FIVE MINUTES interraction with a child is just too long sorry, even for me.

You child is yours, not anyone else's. It is a momentary thing to smile and move on immediately really.

That's life.

TemptressofWaikiki · 30/01/2018 21:07

OP, you probably annoyed half the tube. That sort of public facing performance parenting makes my shit itch...

The80sweregreat · 30/01/2018 21:08

Its been a long day.
I would have acknowledged the baby though. But im a soft touch and would have tried a smile.

HellonHeels · 30/01/2018 21:09

Ooo I also saw a Picadilly Line Wanker. He was wearing shorts on a really cold day. Then I realised why...

The80sweregreat · 30/01/2018 21:10

Who knows? Ds2 insists he likes kids, but i havent seen any evidence.
He is only 20 though. He may change his views.

Aridane · 30/01/2018 21:12

wonder if he was annoyed at your cooing and congratulations at your baby. It's really not a "massive milestone". The man has no idea that the baby doesn't do that twenty times a day either.

.

This

Hendersonsisnotrelish · 30/01/2018 21:12

DD loves waving at people and saying hi. At about 13 months she managed to tug a strangers coat, shouted hiya and was clearly disgruntled when she got no response.
I don't think she's traumatised and generally people are happy to interact with her.
Just be warned some people get too friendly and start touching and trying to kiss...that's when the pfb issues could really surface if you are that way inclined

SleightOfMind · 30/01/2018 21:13

I was utterly thrilled when DS4 first started waving.
When he accompanied it with ‘Ba Ba’, it was just as lovely as when DS1 did it years before.

I have a proper grown up job and am a grumpy bastard on the tube quite often but some of you lot are being very PO faced and taking it a bit far.

OP, I get that you were taking the piss out of your own devastation that PFB was left hanging on his first wave.

How could he Wink

RowenasDiadem · 30/01/2018 21:15

Aw what a shame! My son was probably 18mo or so? Probably a little older. He had a big toy gun he'd just won at a fair and was waving it around in his pushchair while we walked along a busy town centre. Almost everyone smiled and pretended to be shot. It was lovely. I completely cracked up however when an elderly gent fired back with his walking stick cross shotgun!

It's such a shame when a smiling baby meets a big ol' grumpy pants but at least they're few and far between.

HoppyHannah · 30/01/2018 21:18

Some people think their babies will be the centre of everyone else's universe.

It doesn't work like that. So you may be disappointed.

Coconutspongexo · 30/01/2018 21:19

To be fair I don’t like kids I never ever wanted kids and was devastated when I found out I was pregnant.
I love my son though because a 20 year old doesn’t like kids doesn’t mean he won’t love his.

CariadFlo · 30/01/2018 21:22

Babies can definitely look crestfallen, but doubt they actually feel that way, that's just our own projection.

I do worry sometimes that people think I'm "performance parenting" but then my family and friends tell me I have a naturally loud voice anyway (and I have tinnitus), so if I make anyone cringe when I engage with my child in public, I'm not doing it on purpose! I'm just trying to entertain her enough so that she doesn't start crying.

Fwiw I would have smiled and waved back, but you can't expect everyone to feel like it. You should feel proud though, it's part of being a first-time mum.

CaMePlaitPas · 30/01/2018 21:26

The chap on the train isn't obliged to interact with your baby.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 30/01/2018 21:27

His mum, dad, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, cousin, close friend could have just died.

he could have an important presentation to turn in tomorrow.

His partner may have just left him

He may have just lost his wallet.

He may have had bad news from the doctor.

He may have just found out he was adopted

He may have been thinking about the fact he only had £10 left in the bank.

He may have been wondering about whether or not to put a bin in the downstairs bathroom.

Ultimately you know nothing about his world and he owes you and your baby jack shit. Pull your thumb out of your arse and enjoy the fact that you have NOTHING to worry about if this is the shit you tie yourself up with and run to Mumsnet to post about.

I don't often get het up in this place but ffs.

Elephant17 · 30/01/2018 21:28

He's a miserable git!! Your baby is a person too. If a grown human smiled at you in a friendly way you would at least acknowledge them. Why would you treat a little baby more rudely than anyone else!? Especially one who's clearly at the age of learning how to interact socially.

This!

Op was being lighthearted anyway, there are some really nasty replies here! So negative and catty, some of you...