Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Immature partner???

64 replies

immaturepartner · 30/01/2018 10:52

Hi all,

Hope you can give me your thoughts.

My 27 year old partner spends SEVEN hours, twice a week on his PlayStation as it's "his time to socialise" online with his friends.

During this time he'll hear our baby in the other room being difficult, crying, twisting and he'll hear me trying to comfort him and calm him down but ignore it's happening because "he's socialising". Leaving me to entertain our LO from the crack of dawn until his bedtime which I find difficult (he's at work before PlayStation - obviously I have no issue while he's at work)

He says if he was "out" socialising twice a week he wouldn't be able to help out so he can't see the issue. I've tried to explain I find it childish and I've had enough. I find it ODD he finds it ok that he only sees the baby for 10 mins before bed because he's busy playing a game.

I NEVER get 5 mins to myself let alone 14 hours a week. I get he needs time to himself (as do I - where is mine??) but I feel this is too long when he refuses to help out for even 5 minutes when baby is kicking off?? I tried to explain he as a parent should be making sacrifices.... I've made many but it seems the woman is expected to and the man can do as he pleases!!

OP posts:
Queenofthestress · 30/01/2018 11:10

Sit down and draw the line in the sand. If he wants 14hours a week down time where he's not helping when he should be then you should be getting 14 hours exactly the same
I can't understand needing 14 hours a week, two or three? yes, but 14 hours? What the bloody fuck.

Original poster
immaturepartner · 30/01/2018 11:11

THANK YOU.

I have said this. I'm not saying he can't have ANY time. I'm just saying a couple of hours a couple of days a week should be sufficient???

OP posts:
saladdays66 · 30/01/2018 11:11

Do you mean both the days he's off work??

Completely unfair for him to have 14 hours of leisure time and you to have none. You need to talk to him.

Does he pull his weight at other times?
I will be very surprised if he does

mirandasings · 30/01/2018 11:12

Congrautulations on your two children Shock

Ridiculous behaviour. How long was you with him before you had his baby? Is this a new thing or has he always done this?

JacquesHammer · 30/01/2018 11:13

You need to stop telling him the issue is the particular hobby and start telling him his deployment of time is an issue.

It doesn't matter what he is doing, he is checking out of family life and that isn't ok.

Suggest strategies for him to be more of a parent whilst you also get downtime

WonderLime · 30/01/2018 11:16

Well the thing is, he wouldn’t be out socialising for 14 hours per week anyway (and if he was whilst you are home with the baby you should definitely sack him).

Ask him if he is okay with you going out for 7 hours per evening twice a week. I have the feeling that it wouldn’t okay.

Original poster
immaturepartner · 30/01/2018 11:17

One is an afternoon after he finishes work until bedtime, the other is all afternoon on a weekend day.

He also goes to the football every other week (including his two socialising days).

Doesn't do much around the house unless I ask and I'm constantly picking his shit up off the floor.

Typing this is making me realise how much he is utterly taking the piss out of me

OP posts:
EggsonHeads · 30/01/2018 11:17

Well I mean you brought this on yourself. It's not like you'd never met him before having a baby. You then let it continue. You can try to stop him. At least tell him that you also need your time alone too and he has to look after the baby during that time. But you may not be successful. I suggest you seriously consider what you will do in the event that he is unwilling to grow up.

WonderLime · 30/01/2018 11:17

Don’t start calling his hobby childish though. It’s no different from someone watching TV or reading a book for that many hours - it’s the time that’s the problem not the gaming.

Greensleeves · 30/01/2018 11:18

If I were you i'd be losing a lot of weight very quickly Shock

Original poster
immaturepartner · 30/01/2018 11:18

Not always.

It started at some point along the line and I was told it would stop when we had the baby. It did then started up at around the one month mark.

OP posts:
cherryontopp · 30/01/2018 11:20

Is this both on his days off?

Hes needs to recognise he's a father now and cant do this. The odd or two maybe but 7 hours straight twice a week is not on when you dont get any time to yourself.

Id put the baby in the room when hes on his game and go out or go downstairs Grin

PsychoPumpkin · 30/01/2018 11:20

He’s Being totally unfair.

My husband loves his xbox. He plays on it every day. When we’re all in bed. I go to bed at 10 and he’s a night owl so plays til around midnight.

He doesn’t play it when the kids are awake because when he’s home from work he’s pulling g his weight around the house or spending time with our children.

He needs to find more balance and you need to carve out some time for yourself too. He needs to give as well as take.

Original poster
immaturepartner · 30/01/2018 11:23

The thing is I don't want "two days to myself". I want FAMILY time!

His gaming is one day off and one day after work. His other day off is spent at football every other week.

OP posts:
Original poster
immaturepartner · 30/01/2018 11:24

I've tried putting the baby with him while I slave away trying to cook his tea for him (which he inhales in 5 mins and goes back to games) but he said it's unreasonable as if he was "out" I wouldn't ring him for help

OP posts:
Abracadabraapileofbollocks · 30/01/2018 11:24

Just dump him, you'll get time to yourself with visitation and he'll have to spend more time caring for his own childreb.
If these idiots can't figure it out for themselves is it worth encouraging them?

mirandasings · 30/01/2018 11:25

So you're basically a single parent! Are you happy in this relationship as a whole? It sounds like a lot of hard work op and you seem very stressed.

mirandasings · 30/01/2018 11:26

I agree with Abra. What's the point of this??

Original poster
immaturepartner · 30/01/2018 11:26

He suggested I visit HIS mother when he's busy

OP posts:
AlwaysPondering · 30/01/2018 11:32

Gosh OP, I couldn't have him in the house whilst he is gaming that long!

Tell him to game at the home of one of the friends he is gaming with. At least he isn't home and irritating you then. And the other evenings try and busy yourself with an exericse class, dinner with a friend or whatever and maybe him not seeing you will make him realise?

My DP has an XBOX. He gamed a lot before we met but only does it a little now. An hour here and there. Sometimes we even play together when the DC are in bed.

He doesn't need to be on it that long. I know some games do go on and on (Call of Duty etc.) and it's hard to jump out so to speak but he has responsibilities now and a family to prioritise. Do his friends have children?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 30/01/2018 11:33

This is a teenage boy, not a man. What a terrible father he is.

Sometimes a short, sharp shock (aka a packed bag) can help, but I think he'd just think he had more time to 'socialise' with his stupid mates.

Willow2017 · 30/01/2018 11:38

My ex was a big online gamer when we were togethet but...it was always after kids were in bed. He never ignored kids for gaming and we had days out etc with kids at weekends. It never came first where kids were concerned.

Your oh is a selfish oaf he doesnt need 7hrs straight 'me time' twice a week plus a day away at footie.

Tell him to shape up and parent his kids or sod off so you have one less child to look after. Oh and give him a list of things he needs to do in the house and stop picking up after him, stop cooking his meals etc. If he drops clothes anywhere but wash basket leave them and when he runs out he will get the message. If his tea isnt made he can do it himself.
If he thinks him and his game are more important than his kids and you then tell him you are too busy dealing with kids, house work and your life to run after a manchild like him.

Flutterbyeee · 30/01/2018 11:39

This reminds me if an ex boyfriend who I used to travel two hours by train most weekends for two years to visit. He would play on his PC game for HOURS!! I knew the back if his head better than his penis. If I complained he would say "you are here to enhance my life not change it." Ha ha....what a twit.

jaseyraex · 30/01/2018 11:40

My husband was a big gamer before we had children. He found the adjustment to getting very little time to himself quite difficult, as did I to be honest, but we dealt with it because that's just what you have to do. He plays Xbox every night once the kids are in bed for about an hour, 2 or 3 hours if he's off work the next day. I usually chill out and read or get an early night. If our toddler wakes up, he'll always stop and come see if he's okay and if I need a hand. I'll often tell him no anyway and that I'll give him a shout if I need him but it's the knowing that he WILL help that makes all the difference.

Your partner needs to learn to balance it out more, so that he is available when you need him. Do you get any down time? You need to talk to him about it. He needs to find a way to cut down or spread out his gaming time, and find a way to give you equal amount of time to yourself. If he's no willing to do that then I'd be looking at telling him to sling his hook to be honest.

AngelsSins · 30/01/2018 13:18

Yet another man who decided to have kids but can't be bothered to actually do any parenting. Tell him if he didn't want his life to change, he shouldn't have become a father. Make sure you do get your 14 hours downtime, not because you necessarily want it, but to teach him a lesson. If nothing changes, stop doing anything for him and look towards splitting up. He's a weight around your neck right now.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread