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Original poster

Immature partner???

64 replies

immaturepartner · 30/01/2018 10:52

Hi all,

Hope you can give me your thoughts.

My 27 year old partner spends SEVEN hours, twice a week on his PlayStation as it's "his time to socialise" online with his friends.

During this time he'll hear our baby in the other room being difficult, crying, twisting and he'll hear me trying to comfort him and calm him down but ignore it's happening because "he's socialising". Leaving me to entertain our LO from the crack of dawn until his bedtime which I find difficult (he's at work before PlayStation - obviously I have no issue while he's at work)

He says if he was "out" socialising twice a week he wouldn't be able to help out so he can't see the issue. I've tried to explain I find it childish and I've had enough. I find it ODD he finds it ok that he only sees the baby for 10 mins before bed because he's busy playing a game.

I NEVER get 5 mins to myself let alone 14 hours a week. I get he needs time to himself (as do I - where is mine??) but I feel this is too long when he refuses to help out for even 5 minutes when baby is kicking off?? I tried to explain he as a parent should be making sacrifices.... I've made many but it seems the woman is expected to and the man can do as he pleases!!

OP posts:
Graphista · 30/01/2018 21:02

To a point I agree expat but some don't reveal their sexism until after baby born. My ex when we both worked full time did not quite his share but didn't completely slack off at home.

But as soon as I had dd he turned into a 1950's twat expecting me to do everything.

We split because of his cheating and they now are married - he now has 6 kids and has NEVER done a night waking or changed a poo filled nappy (he'll just about deign to do wet ones).

So I didn't know what he'd be like - ow/2nd wife did know and has chosen for who knows why to have FIVE DC with him.

But yea when they've been lazy arses prior to DC you do wonder.

barefoofdoctor · 30/01/2018 21:14

Sorry OP but do 'men' like this actually like their wife/partner and child/children? Exbox obsession was one of the reasons I got rid of exh. I just found it massively unappealing and went right off him. (Was married for 10 years).

cherryontopp · 31/01/2018 00:51

^immaturepartner

I've tried putting the baby with him while I slave away trying to cook his tea for him (which he inhales in 5 mins and goes back to games) but he said it's unreasonable as if he was "out" I wouldn't ring him for help^

Tell him by this logic, if he was out you wouldn't be cooking his tea either.
Stop cooking it for him when hes on his Xbox

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 31/01/2018 03:00

If he only plays it twice a week, does he pull his weight on the other nights? Why only twice a week? I could maybe accept this if he just wants an evening 'off' as long as you get one too. Otherwise, he is a twat.

DarkPeakScouter · 31/01/2018 03:20

Leave him, life would be easier

TheDowagerCuntess · 31/01/2018 03:25

How do men like this find women willing to have sex with them?

Sit him down when the kids are in bed.

Explain to him that -

A. you both need to have equal down time.

B. he needs to come up with a solution to achieve that, that he's happy with. Obviously you know what the solution is - let him do some thinking the dullard numbnuts.

buzzbuzzbumblebee · 31/01/2018 03:33

I was of the clearly unpopular opinion that it wasn't that bad.. until I saw it's Fifa!
I am a "gaming widow" as it seems to be called. DH is also 27 and spends his evenings on his pc. BUT will always come off to help me (he bathed DD tonight and asked if I wanted him to do bedtime). Or if we want to spend time together or as a family.

I have no issues with him playing for some chill time after work. Because he will help me. He also won't ignore our two children. Monday and last night, he came to bed at 9:30 by choice.

I mentioned this thread to DH because I said it didn't seem that bad time wise - but he should definitely be helping with the baby. DH agreed, and even more so when I told him later on that it was fifa! He said spending 7 hours on fifa is ridiculous and he could easily help you.

What happens on the 4/5 evenings a week that he doesn't play? Or is it just not playing as long?

My DH used to be worse, but his was xbox. It changed massively when DS was born 6 years ago (unplanned, I was 18, him 21). He did every night feed and would walk around with him. He was made redundant when DS was a couple of weeks old - he would sleep during the day to help during the night.
When DS was around a year old (I was pregnant again by then - unplanned) he got a pc on finance (he was working again). He reverted back to always being on it and leaving me with DS - who was a bloody angel so it could've been worse.
DD came along when DS was 17 months old but I breastfed her so everything was different, he did wake up to keep me company during night feeds.
He still played a lotttt. Eventually it came out when DD was a year old that he was borderline depressed and had been bottling everything up, but I had been so focused on the children that I didn't even notice. He started to play less after that happened.
We married a year later and he'd go between playing/not playing but always helped if I needed it. We were both working by then and he would have the children and clean the house while i was at work. He also did 3 school runs when DS started primary school as DD was at preschool in the opposite direction.

Since DS started school (September 2016), he's a new person completely. He never ignores us, doesn't play unless he's not needed (still a lot, but not an issue for me). He doesn't go out other than work which is 42hr a week so his escape is pc.

My "me time" is when the children are asleep - they go at 7 so I have plenty of time for a bath and a little binge on Netflix. I do all my cleaning in the daytime.
But prepregnancy he had no problem taking over if I wanted a night out or if I wanted to go into town alone for a couple of hours. I'm 30wks pregnant now but this baby was planned.

Sorry that was long Blush! Our stupid cat bit DD foot while she was asleep so I'm wide awake after chasing him out!

marmitedoughnut · 31/01/2018 08:34

I had to have a big problem with my immature other half, it got to the stage I suggested we went for counselling.

No problem at all was the reply - after the conker season has finished Confused

PinkBlueYellow · 31/01/2018 09:49

This takes the absolute piss.

You simply cannot have that amount of 'downtime' as a new parent. At least not if you want to actually spend any time with your child or pull your weight.

He's a knob.

timeisnotaline · 31/01/2018 10:09

The response is ‘if you were out this much While we have a baby you’d have to pack your bag and take it with you. So you can either turn it off and parent or turn it off to pack in your bags for moving out.

Mrspotter12 · 31/01/2018 13:48

Just go out, go to a film or to see your friends / family!

saladdays66 · 31/01/2018 14:17

So have you said to him: 'This is not fair. You have 14 hours free time to yourself every week, and I have none.'

What did he say? That will give you your answer.

saladdays66 · 31/01/2018 14:18

Also, stop cooking his tea for him when he's on the bloody Xbox!! FFS. he's like an overgrown teen. Urgh.

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