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AIBU?

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Original poster

Immature partner???

64 replies

immaturepartner · 30/01/2018 10:52

Hi all,

Hope you can give me your thoughts.

My 27 year old partner spends SEVEN hours, twice a week on his PlayStation as it's "his time to socialise" online with his friends.

During this time he'll hear our baby in the other room being difficult, crying, twisting and he'll hear me trying to comfort him and calm him down but ignore it's happening because "he's socialising". Leaving me to entertain our LO from the crack of dawn until his bedtime which I find difficult (he's at work before PlayStation - obviously I have no issue while he's at work)

He says if he was "out" socialising twice a week he wouldn't be able to help out so he can't see the issue. I've tried to explain I find it childish and I've had enough. I find it ODD he finds it ok that he only sees the baby for 10 mins before bed because he's busy playing a game.

I NEVER get 5 mins to myself let alone 14 hours a week. I get he needs time to himself (as do I - where is mine??) but I feel this is too long when he refuses to help out for even 5 minutes when baby is kicking off?? I tried to explain he as a parent should be making sacrifices.... I've made many but it seems the woman is expected to and the man can do as he pleases!!

OP posts:
iamafraidofvirginiawolves3cats · 30/01/2018 13:59

Shocking! No one with children has 7 free hours. That’s for children and people without responsibilities. I am genuinely aghast. 14 hr plus football??

You should show him the thread just before you have the discussion about how there are going to be changes to your (his) family time. He is BVVVU.

Valerrie · 30/01/2018 14:04

It's not his hobby that's the issue but his utter disregard for anyone else.

I'd start going out for seven hours at a time and leaving him with the children.

ThatsMyCow · 30/01/2018 14:15

Would you feel comfortable enough to out and do your own socialising and leave him home?
I think lots of people like him are only doing it because they can. If he doesn't get up and deal with his child, he knows you will of course because you can't just ignore, if you're not there will he deal with things?

Original poster
immaturepartner · 30/01/2018 14:52

He thinks I'm being unreasonable to ask he reduces it to a couple of twice a week because "he will only get a few games on fifa".

I can't believe what I'm hearing.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 30/01/2018 14:56

I couldn't live with someone like that, I don't even know what advice to give you tbh For me if you have to explain something like this to your "partner" (using that lightly here) then really is there any hope at all?

iamafraidofvirginiawolves3cats · 30/01/2018 14:59

Does he have a Dad role model in his life? When does he think you will have your 20hrs per week off? You work too- doing the hardest job of all. Time for a reasons for and against staying with him I think.

Demiguisee · 30/01/2018 15:02

We try to get all household chores done by the time 2yo is asleep. Usually around 8/9pm - 12pm is our down time. If he spends it playing his playstation that's fine.

Can you not work something out like that?

PragmaticWench · 30/01/2018 15:04

There are two scenarios here.

One, you tell him it's not on and he realises that he's a selfish prick and radically changes his attitude to you and your DC.

Two, you tell him and nothing very much changes. So you realise just how he views you.

What will you do if number two happens?

Demiguisee · 30/01/2018 15:05

12 am....

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 30/01/2018 15:07

I agree to you visiting his dm actually. . Take his belongings and give her her teen ds back. .
When you get home send him on his way.
He isn't a df or a dp at all. He is a selfish teenager.

Original poster
immaturepartner · 30/01/2018 15:43

He reckons he's going to half him time "socialising"

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 30/01/2018 16:13

I would have a think about carving out some time for yourself too OP, he needs to experience for himself how hard it is on your own with DC. I totally get that you'd rather spend time as a family but I think you'll be surprised how much difference it will make having even just a couple of hours a week totally to yourself. Even if you have to do something alone (an exercise class/swimming/read a book in a coffee shop/whatever else appeals!) I would make a point of doing it, he needs to know what it's like to parent alone and you need some downtime that's just for you.

GinIsIn · 30/01/2018 16:17

Well news flash for him - yes, having a baby does reduce your time socialising! What do you actually gain from being with this ignorant man child? I would be telling him to feel free to spend all his time socialising in his new home without me, personally.

expatinscotland · 30/01/2018 16:20

Was he like this before you had children? Is this a new thing?

KingLooieCatz · 30/01/2018 16:24

DH stepped up after about two years.

He got up first one weekend while I had a lie in. He reckoned it was his turn for a lie in the next day. I pointed out it had been his turn for a lie in for the last two years, so it would be my turn for the next two years. His face was a picture.

Remarkably we're still together but it was a close run thing.

ReanimatedSGB · 30/01/2018 16:32

It's worth having one conversation with him where you spell out the fact that he needs to do his fair share of domestic work and childcare (his fair share is an amount that leaves both of you with the same amount of leisure time.) If he resists, whines, refuses - or makes promises to 'try' and then nothing actually changes, put him out of the house. It's not worth persevering with. It's actually less stressful to be a single parent than to have a selfish, lazy man in the house - a useless man not only stresses you out because you are constantly hoping he will help and trying to work out a way to make him understand but he also makes more work for you, with mess everywhere and another mouth to feed.
Bear in mind there is no magic button. He understands perfectly well that he is leaving all the domestic work to you. That's because it's 'woman's work' and as far as he is concerned, you are a 'woman' rather than a person, so making his life easy and pleasant is what you are for.

Graphista · 30/01/2018 16:34

I strongly suspect he was a lazy immature shit before you got pregnant but the horse has bolted on that score.

Even if you split chances are on his contact days he'll be round his mums and she'll be doing all the childcare because he didn't get to be this way magically it's how he was raised (and if his dad was around then of course he's as much to blame).

I think it VERY unlikely he'll change. So cut your losses and boot him out. Even if his mum is caring for baby at least you get a break AND you won't be picking up his shit and as I suspect you are - doing all his laundry, cooking and cleaning!

MagicFajita · 30/01/2018 16:57

Being a single parent is easier than being with a man like this. He might actually start parenting his child if you leave him. You'll also get eow to yourself.

He'll probably rock up at his mum's house with your dc on 'his' weekend , but it's still an improvement on your life now right?

PaperdollCartoon · 30/01/2018 17:08

I love that his excuse is ‘you couldn’t ask for help if he was out’ - he shouldn’t be out socialising 14 hours a weeks either! He clearly doesn’t realise things change when you’re a parent. Start making 14 hours of plans a week without him and leaving baby with him, see how well that goes down

expatinscotland · 30/01/2018 17:09

'He might actually start parenting his child if you leave him.'

Nah, he won't. People like this never do. He's a baby daddy.

PaperdollCartoon · 30/01/2018 17:10

Also my 28 year old partner also enjoys gaming, totally fine. But we don’t have kids and I still don’t think he spends anything like 14 hours a week on it. The hobby is fine, but his child comes first

JackmanAdmirer · 30/01/2018 17:10

That is quite a long time. You need some time to yourself too. Try to make it even.

How he wants to spend his free time is up to him though, weather it's going out or gaming.

Trinity66 · 30/01/2018 17:19

I love that his excuse is ‘you couldn’t ask for help if he was out’ - he shouldn’t be out socialising 14 hours a weeks either!

And why should one parent have to ask the other parent for help anyway? Is it not his child as well, does he ever have to ask her for help? No because clearly it's her job and anytime he "helps" he's doing her a big favour arrgghh

CheeseAndOnionIceCream · 30/01/2018 17:33

It never ceases to amaze me the number of men who have a child,then think that they can just carry on with their life EXACTLY the way it was pre-baby! Why is it only women who are expected to change and adapt their lives?

expatinscotland · 30/01/2018 17:38

'It never ceases to amaze me the number of men who have a child,then think that they can just carry on with their life EXACTLY the way it was pre-baby! Why is it only women who are expected to change and adapt their lives?'

And how many women procreate with such specimens. Why would you even shag such a manchild?

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