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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get involved? - Bullying at school.

59 replies

Bearlover16 · 29/01/2018 23:12

My DD is in year 6. The girls in her class have kind of split into 2 groups and she doesn't quite 'fit in' with either. They can be really quite mean and nasty to her. She's in a 'year 6 group chat on watsapp and has had a few problems with some of the girls. She posted a link to her musically account asking people to follow her to which she was met with replies of "why would anyone want to follow you" etc.

Tonight, after she'd gone to bed her phone was pinging away so I checked the messages and they (boys included) were havibg a right old slagging match about her so I put a message on the group saying I was her mother and I was monitoring all these messages and I would be speaking to the school/parents tomorrow. They all denied any bullying went silent and some have subsequently left the group. Ive screen shotted some of the messages.

I was going to speak to a couple of the parents tomorrow that I know...in a friendly way obviously. Would you appreciate being told if your child had been making another childs life miserable?

Will I be seen as an interfering so and so?
For the record my daughter knows I sent the message as she heard all the pinging. Shes fine with me being involved. I was bullied terribly at school and I don't want her to go through the same. Ive told her to leave the group after I have spoken to school about it. (Not that I'm expecting much from school).

OP posts:
WishingOnABar · 29/01/2018 23:14

I think the accepted procedure is to deal only with the school, unless you have a personal relationship with the parents. So sorry for your Dd, hope she is not letting it get her down

Hausfrauenvy · 29/01/2018 23:19

Don't talk to parents directly, just pass all info to school. Hope they will deal with it.

BubblesBuddy · 29/01/2018 23:19

Don’t go to the parents if you ever want to speak to them again. If you don’t care, that’s another matter. It could be difficult though and don’t expect them to support you. They may well support their own child, even though they are in the wrong.

The school should have a policy on internet use and e safety. They will also have an anti bullying policy. Read both of them, see what applies to this situation and see the Head.

MoonlightKissed · 29/01/2018 23:20

We had a similar incident. My daughter & her friends were using social media, and a conversation came up where a couple of girls out of the group started being horrible about one girl in particular (who was not in the group). One of the girls went on to threaten physical violence to the girl not in the group.

Luckily, my daughter and I talk a lot. She wasn't comfortable with what was being said, so brought it to show me. We screen shotted, and she left the chat. The next day, I spoke to the HT at her school. Another parent had also spoken to the HT, so HT was able to get a very accurate picture of what had gone on. HT took it all in hand, called in parents, spoke to children, etc. It was well dealt with.

So my experience is that it is best coming from the school, even though it happens outside of school. Now all you need is a good HT! And sadly, that isn't all of them.

Longdistance · 29/01/2018 23:24

Oh it’s rubbish, isn’t it?
I’d definitely speak to the school, and if you know the parents well enough them too. I’d be mortified if it was my kid.
My dd is only yr3, and she’s getting left out of things. It’s bloody horrible, as she says they won’t play with her at playtime Sad and one minute they’re her friend, the next they’re not.

GottadoitGottadoit · 29/01/2018 23:48

How well do you know the parents?

Original poster
Bearlover16 · 30/01/2018 07:49

Just to say Hi to really. But I'm not bothered about speaking my mind with any on them. I'd hardly call them friends.

OP posts:
bluegreygreenlilac · 30/01/2018 07:52

It’s not whether you’re bothered or not, though: you could well make things worse for your DD by involving the parents yourself. My mum did this for me and I was crucified for it. Speak to the school.

AuntLydia · 30/01/2018 07:56

Speaking your mind to a load of parents you don't know probably won't give you the result you want though. They'll get defensive if they feel under attack and will believe whatever excuses their kids come up with. Tell the school and insist they deal with it, it'll be harder for the parents to dismiss if it comes from an objective third party.

Original poster
Bearlover16 · 30/01/2018 07:57

Thankyou. I'm going into school this morning armed with screenshots of everything. Your right it's probably best coming from school.

OP posts:
Trampire · 30/01/2018 07:59

Definitely go to the school. Glad to see you are.

Unfortunately this is part of a school's life now. I'm sure there's not one school in the country who hasn't had to deal with this kind of issue.

Good luck.

Y6 can be terrible for this.

rupertpenryswife · 30/01/2018 08:04

I would want you to talk to me if you had evidence my DD had sent messages like this, I would be mortified, your poor DD this is why I dread social media. I hope you get something sorted oh, and if some of the parents don't talk to you any more so what, sums up why their child would behave like this. Good luck.

falang · 30/01/2018 08:08

Well done OP. That was a really good way to silence them. I bet they've been worrying all night about what's going to happen and it serves them right.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/01/2018 08:15

I would be keeping all messages, and seeing headteacher about it. Good on you for intervening, nasty little horrors.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/01/2018 08:18

The parents may well deny it, get all defensive, not all are on the ball and display good parenting. Can be a case of, the Apple never falls far from the tree with some.

HolyMountain · 30/01/2018 08:24

I think going through school first and seeing what response you get is the first step.

IDrinkFromTheKegOfGlory · 30/01/2018 08:25

My DW is DSL at the school we both teach in. She would take something like this very seriously and investigate it thoroughly (and would certainly involve the parents of the students involved). It certainly makes her life easier (and the therefore the investigation) if parents don't try to solve it amongst themselves first! Although I appreciate that I'm coming from a perspective of a pro-active school.
Good luck and I hope you get it sorted.

PurplePirate · 30/01/2018 08:29

Year 6 seems very young for WhatsApp group chat. I wouldn't put my DD in that situation.

But you have done a good thing OP. Speak to the HT.

GeorgeTheHamster · 30/01/2018 08:32

They are too young for Whatsapp. This sort of stuff always happens at that age. Get her off it.

Namechangetempissue · 30/01/2018 08:34

This is why I thank my lucky stars that my 12 year old detests all social media (she thinks it is the cause of most arguements at school between groups) and will not have whatsapp or facebook or insta. Her friends ask her frequently but she won't budge on it.
I hope you get it sorted this morning and your DD is ok.

Namechangetempissue · 30/01/2018 08:35

Oh and get rid of the whatsapp! She is far too young for that.

DaysLikeThis1 · 30/01/2018 08:53

My heart breaks when I read about children being bullied. It is usually the gentle souls that suffer it. I really don’t think that most of the children who join in understand how devastating it can be, so schools need to actively educate and deal with it forcefully every single time.

You sound like a lovely, strong mum OP and I think you are doing the right thing. MAKE the school do what they need to.

Hope your dd is ok.

Atticusss · 30/01/2018 09:06

My year 6 daughter got a phone for Christmas and I check her phone most nights when she gives it to me overnight. I read her messages to keep an eye in things. She's 10, so I feel this is my responsibility not an invasion of privacy.

As an adult, every whatsapp group I've been on has ended on drama and fall outs. So 10/11 year olds, I wouldn't be comfortable with them having.

Musically my daughter asked for and I asked around and I was advised very strongly it isn't suitable at all for children so she doesn't have that.

Likewise a YouTube account.

My advise is definitely speak to the school, but also consider removing some the social media access until at least 14.

cingolimama · 30/01/2018 09:08

OP, I really sympathise. My dd went through a very difficult time socially in Y5 and Y6.

I am in complete agreement with pp regarding 1) let the school handle it and 2) get her OFF social media - she's far too young, especially for whatsapp.

I remember my darling girl coming home to sob in my arms. Regularly. It broke my heart and made me boil with rage as well. However, the school did stop the worst of the social bullying and she got through. Best of all, she now goes to a fantastic secondary school where she has a terrific gang of friends, who are smart and kind and supportive and just what friends should be. So things do change.

cingolimama · 30/01/2018 09:11

Atticuss, I curious - what have you heard about musically? My Y8 daughter expressed an interest and I'm "thinking about it". Would appreciate your take on it.

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