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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to get involved? - Bullying at school.

59 replies

Bearlover16 · 29/01/2018 23:12

My DD is in year 6. The girls in her class have kind of split into 2 groups and she doesn't quite 'fit in' with either. They can be really quite mean and nasty to her. She's in a 'year 6 group chat on watsapp and has had a few problems with some of the girls. She posted a link to her musically account asking people to follow her to which she was met with replies of "why would anyone want to follow you" etc.

Tonight, after she'd gone to bed her phone was pinging away so I checked the messages and they (boys included) were havibg a right old slagging match about her so I put a message on the group saying I was her mother and I was monitoring all these messages and I would be speaking to the school/parents tomorrow. They all denied any bullying went silent and some have subsequently left the group. Ive screen shotted some of the messages.

I was going to speak to a couple of the parents tomorrow that I know...in a friendly way obviously. Would you appreciate being told if your child had been making another childs life miserable?

Will I be seen as an interfering so and so?
For the record my daughter knows I sent the message as she heard all the pinging. Shes fine with me being involved. I was bullied terribly at school and I don't want her to go through the same. Ive told her to leave the group after I have spoken to school about it. (Not that I'm expecting much from school).

OP posts:

Ponyboycurtis · 30/01/2018 09:18

atticusss I'd be interested to know what you've heard too. Both DR'S have requested (Y4), they are far too young for any SM at the moment (IMO) but I know a few of their friends who do have youtube channels & Musically and whilst it's not something I feel comfortable with for mine, I haven't heard anything negative.

Ponyboycurtis · 30/01/2018 09:19

*I have daughters not DR'S

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 30/01/2018 09:20

You did welll but as others have said, only speak to the school.

My friend's lovely son is going through this at the moment...horrible little shits.

Trampire · 30/01/2018 09:34

I'm quite lucky I think.

My dd had a phone in Y6 but shunned all social media. She only became remotely interested towards the end of Y7 where dcs start branching out on their own a bit more. Even then she only has people she actually knows on Instagram and snapchat.

She was 'put' on a few massive snapchat Year groups but left quite quickly as it was just an annoyance (always pinging off). She never posts big selfies for people to comment on, doesn't have a 'bio' for friends to get nearly over etc.

In Y8 now. So far (touchwood) she's found social media quite a positive thing.

My ds is Y6. Again, he has a phone as he walks home but has no interest in social media yet. Most of his friends have YouTube channels which I find shocking. Ds is a YouTube addict but even he thinks it's nuts. One of the boys has a Mum who still walks him to the school gate and prides herself on 'safety' but he has a YouTube channel and plays PS4 with complete strangers! Crazy.

ThisIsTheVoice · 30/01/2018 09:35

cingolimama a quick google of musically will explain the dangers...of which there are many. My daughter's friend was using it aged 7 and had some random man contact them via the app and ask them to film themselves for him! Her parents weren't aware she even had the app...though this is a side-effect of giving a smart phone to a 7-year-old!

Pandoraslastchance · 30/01/2018 10:28

I think the best thing would be to speak to the school and ask to see their copy of the bully policy and ask for help from the school as this could be viewed as cyber bullying which is being taken more and more seriously.

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 30/01/2018 11:17

No advice except to say well done for fighting back.
I hope you have a good head.. It's so horrible.

MissDuke · 30/01/2018 11:21

Glad you are going to speak to school directly op. I suspect most parents would get defensive and try to deflect it back on to your daughter. Hopefully school deal with it effectively for your poor wee dd

Oblomov18 · 30/01/2018 11:26

Don't approach the parents. Ever. That's the rule.
Approach teacher. Whilst it is going on outside of school, school should be informed.

Screaminginsideme · 30/01/2018 11:37

There is a reason social media has a 13+ age limit and this is it. Take it to the school but I think all parents need to do their research on apps and social media before allowing underage children access to what ever they want. Yes my y6 dd has my old iPhone but no social media no apps that are rated 12+, she doesn’t know her restriction pin or Apple ID password it’s all linked to my account so I know what she has. In addition we have spoken numerous times on appropriate use, photos and social media, giving out her number and who’s number she is allowed to have. I have full access to her phone and can check it at anytime. It’s more that she is aware of this than me actually checking on her. If you can’t start off ahead you will never catch up.

MissEliza · 30/01/2018 11:38

I totally agree with going to school. However I know people who have gone ape shit when people they know quite welll have gone to the school rather than 'give them a chance to handle it themselves ' ie minimise it and blame the other child. The school is the only party capable of seeing the situation objectively.

Original poster

Bearlover16 · 30/01/2018 19:30

Thankyou for you all your replies.

UPDATE spoke to the head this morning showed him the screen shots. He went into DD's class and absolutely let rip at them. I feel much better about it that it's being taken seriously.

OP posts:

AuntLydia · 30/01/2018 19:43

Well done. I hope they leave your poor dd alone from now on.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 30/01/2018 19:50

No its not interfering to get involved.
It's called being a mother.

It's happening inside and outside school, now. It's getting seriously out of hand

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 30/01/2018 19:52

Oh don't read the update. Glad the HT took seriously.

Chickoletta · 30/01/2018 19:53

Why would you allow a 10 yr old access to Whatsapp?

Original poster

Bearlover16 · 30/01/2018 19:59

Chickoletta she uses the app to message myself, dad, other family members as she has a very small message allowance on her contract. It's only a means to message. I didn't foresee any problems there however she has been removed from the group chat.

OP posts:

Trampire · 30/01/2018 20:14

I agree WhatsApp is simply a messaging service like texting, just easier when talking to lots of people.
I don't think it's 'dangerous'.

SoIAskYou · 30/01/2018 20:15

Would you appreciate being told if your child had been making another childs life miserable?
To answer that question, yes I definitely would. I would be mortified, but I would want to know.

Alpacaandgo · 30/01/2018 20:22

Definitely say something and also to the parents as the school may not necessarily inform the parents. I'd want to know if my dd was bullying someone and would be grateful a parent bringing it to my attention.

Alpacaandgo · 30/01/2018 20:24

Missed your update! So good to hear the school are taking it seriously, that's very good news for your dd.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 30/01/2018 20:30

I'd want to know if this was my dd.

In fact when she wasn't being very pleasant a while ago I tapped into the conversation and made it clear why dd was being removed from group chat, I also told the other girls is be letting their parents know. (( I log in from my phone ))

Bullies disgust me, I know how easily things can spiral online and whilst dd wasn't joining in as such she wasn't defending her friend either. Kids have commited suicide over petty shit like this making their lives hell as well as the bystanders, any decent parent would want that stamping out. To hell with their little darlings reputation being tarnished.

youarenotkiddingme · 30/01/2018 20:48

Well handled

And yes as a parent I'd want to know. I would prefer it coming to me via school though as I know they will have investigated and coming from a non bias angle.

Original poster

Bearlover16 · 30/01/2018 22:39

Thankyou everyone. The head made the culprits stand up in class in front of everyone and proceeded to give them a right roasting. He told me if there was any repercussions, I should inform them immediately. He talked about possible pupil exclusions. I think the main ring leader has form for this and she's on her last warning.

OP posts:

HolyShet · 30/01/2018 22:50

There might be some help here
Eat like a normal person

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