To think choosing your wedding dress is not the magical experience I have been peddled?!

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

I chose my wedding dress this weekend.

I don't feel joy. I feel relief that I may never have to go through that experience again

I went on my own because I always shop on my own. I am no virginal slip of a bride that I thought I required a chaperone (32 and well...I had a lot of fun in my youth ) and I know what I like. Also I'm NC with my mother at the moment and my best friend just blindly says I look lovely in everything, even the time I looked like a Creme brûlée at our sixth form prom.

I paid £10 before I was permitted to look upon the dresses. This was supposed to include a glass of fizz, but the lady had run out, so I had a tap water.

The lady was nice, but even though I told her what I wanted, she brought me lots of netty monstrosities 'just to wow' me they did not wow me. I looked like the toilet roll lady my Nan used to have in her loo.

I normally wear a size 10. Some of the dresses in a 14 wouldn't do up why do they cut them so tiny?! I have a little bit of Christmas pork to lose but still...

I found the dress I loved. The price tag was £1800 I'm wondering whether to just put a down payment on it, which seems like a good ideajust so I never have to repeat this process ever again I am horrified at that amount of money, but it was truly the only one I thought 'that looks amazing even though my hair is stuck to my face, I'm not wearing the right underwear and I've just bloody well had enough'

It looks like it's a lovely magical experience on TV!

When my friend got married last year, she went to a place where you ring a little bell in your changing room, to signify you had found 'the one' (dress, not fiancé, I presume ) and all the other brides to be would come and ooh and ahh at you.

I unfortunately burst out in scoffing laughing when she told me that, and she didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. So while that was not the experience I was aiming for, I was hoping for...oh, I don't know a bit of enchantment! fizz would have helped

Was I expecting too much?

Really surprised that people actually pay to look at dresses and also make appointments!

It's always been appointments. Unfortunately that's the way the market is at the moment, it's tough in retail, designers name isn't given out for the same reason.

A lot of people take the piss out of shops and go in and tie up their staff and use their resources them buy the dress cheap online like on this thread or get a dress maker to copy it.

Plus they get people who just want to try on dresses and aren't even getting married. The £10 fee is to weed out time wasters. Turning up alone is a red flag for them. I suspect this might have been why they 'ran out of prosecco'. I think they might have thought the OP was a time waster who would neck a hole bottle and have no intention of buying. It's a shame that's the case, but a lot of shops are suffering and closing down because people just exploit them so much without ever having any intention of spending a single penny there.

Yes, Elton makes a good point. I made sure to rent the groom's suits and get bridesmaid dresses from the lovely bridal shop I'd been to, to make up for not getting my dress there.

Elton like episode in friends where Monica goes to the store to try it on then goes elsewhere where they only have one of each dress in that size on the rail to get it half price!

I wasn't wow-ed over my dress, and I certainly didn't cry - but I did feel content. When I tried it on, I felt comfortable & like me, I did just know that was the one I wanted but it wasn't like some kind of religious experience.

Incidentally, re sizing. The dresses are frequently made in Europe where vanity sizing isn't a thing and they stick rigidly to the original measurements for sizes. So people who are a vanity sized ten are shocked when they discover they are a standard 14.

Add in that most of our every day clothes now contain some Lycra or stretchy fabric, but wedding dresses are usually non- stretchy and often rigid or boned, and it's not uncommon for someone who thinks their are a size ten to come up a size 16 or even 18.

I'm assuming Europeans don't have boobs given the way dresses are designed and made

they made it abundantly clear I was too fat for their dresses and made a point of saying they only order samples in a size 10. I have massive boobs and need a 16 for them alone! I left that shop in tears.

This was my experience too. Wedding dress shopping was the most horrible and humiliating experience ever!! In the end a friend put me in touch with a lady who makes costumes for operas!! She made the most awesome boned bodice to keep my massive assets under control and make my waist look smaller and I was able to help design it and choose the fabric at a lot less cost than the so called designer frock shops were charging and she never made me feel like a hippo!

Someone I know is getting married this year. She's apparently chosen her wedding dress as she posted a pic on FB and IG of her in the bridal shop with a big sign saying 'I said yes to the dress'. Very cringeworthy.

Second time round for me I walked into Phase 8 on a whim and came out 10 minutes later with a beautiful cream knee length 50's style dress which was perfect as we were getting married in City Hall in NY. I also bought a floaty wedding dress online from Monsoon sale as we had a beach blessing elsewhere for the photo opportunities. I loved both of them, they were perfect and a fraction of the cost of a wedding dress from a bridal shop.

The thought of walking into a bridal shop here filled me with dread. They all look so formal.

Ugh. I've not even got to this point yet. I hate clothes shopping.

I've got a pretty good idea of what suits me and I'll like. Anyone got any good recommendations for a dressmaker or where to find one? Am in London.

Thanks for all the sites people have suggested so far - super helpful.

Hope you find something you like OP!

Oh and my sister has a ridiculously perfect figure and looks like Helena Bonham Carter. Small waist, D boobs, hourglass hips.

The bridal assistant called her 'top heavy', called her chest a 'problem' and said she probably wanted to 'smooth out' her hips.

When you're trying to sell someone ££££ worth of silk, probably a good idea to not undermine the person buying's confidence...

My bust measures 50" around, no way am I bothering with some tiny bridal sample that will barely cover my left nipple.

I love your post, OP! You write so brilliantly - I laughed out loud.

Sometimes I just wish I could be one of those fluffy women who is delighted by life as if it were a Disney movie, who simply doesn't see the fact that Christmas lights are disappointingly plasticky in the light of day, or that quartz with shiny bits in it doesn't look magical like stardust, or who would love to go and coo over other womens' dresses in a shop, and who thinks the stars are like God's daisy chain (as PG Wodehouse once said).

But I can't. I'm doomed to this face and a disappointing life where I see all of the flaws, aren't I?

It was a horrible, pushy, contrived experience until I found the dress I wanted. I had assumed until then that the 'dress moment' was a load of crap from silly Bridezillas, but then I had it. I just loved it, I felt beautiful and entirely like myself in it. When I came out of the cubicle, my mother actually started tearing up, and two ladies who were browsing dresses looked at me, their mouths opened and then the bride asked, "Can I try that one when she's finished with it?" Even the photographer said that it was one of the loveliest he'd ever snapped; I realise he could have been just saying it but he'd already been commissioned and was at the wedding by that point so I don't see what he would have gained from it. He even took me to certain places in the venue because "I want to get the dress here".

I didn't find the sample sizes came up small, but I did find that there wasn't much of a range - very few above a 12. I was a standard 12 at the time and there were some dresses that looked lovely but the sample sizes came only in an 8, so there was no way I was going to commit to something where I couldn't even get it on and had no idea how it would look. I don't know why they do that, especially if they will make it up to plus sizes on order.

I'm assuming Europeans don't have boobs given the way dresses are designed and made

Unfortunately it's a fact of life that the fabrics wedding dresses are made out of don't stretch. People with bigger top (or bottom halves) including Europeans, will need alterations or have to stick to styles like a seperate bodice and skirt seperately sized. And some can't be altered in particular ways.

Because we're used to being able to walk into a shop, pick something up in a stretchy fabric that gets rid of these problems, it does come as a shock to people that they can't just go and pick a silk dress up off the peg and find one that fits them immediately.

A good shop would be able to show you dresses in an appropriate size. And if (for example) a skirt needs making smaller because your bust is big or a bodice needs an extra panel, they should be able to show you how this will be done with clips to gather things in and extenders to give extra room so you can see what it would look like after being properly altered.

My advice is to find the designer that suits you and then look on preloved. there are loads on there worn once (!!) and well worth looking at. Or sample sales.

agree, it's horrific. x

I feel your pain as I am not a conventional shape and the first shop offered me dresses which made me look like a fairly respectable marquee.

I ended up in Berkatex were they were very hepful and I found a dress under £500 which was lovely try monsoon and other high street offerings as I have a feeling you are looking for simpler rather than regalia

Good luck and don't let a dress define your day. Ps I was the same age as you and felt the same about going on my own.

I ordered my dress from ASOS's bridal range three weeks before we got married

Also I didn't have to pay for appointments, but I did have to make them. That seemed sensible to me, they were very busy and it was a way to make sure everyone got seen and nobody had to wait around for hours.

I did actually initially try some ordinary white dresses from Monsoon etc so that I could be that down-to-earth bride who totally wore a high street dress. But my monstrous tits had other ideas and I was going crazy with frustration. The style at the time was strapless everything, or spaghetti straps, and that was not an option for me.

Eventually my mother said, "We've got the budget, let's just get something that supports you and you actually feel good in. What are you trying to prove?" Made sense to me.

If they say things like 'your chest is a problem' or 'we need to smooth out your hips' they are usually hard sellers who are going to aim to push you towards an expensive dress by claiming cheaper ones won't deal with your 'problem areas'. It's a nasty little sales technique which is designed to play on people's insecurities to get more cash out of them.

ASOS have lovely dresses amused

What about a cute Chanel style suit in powder blue An elderly lady I know got married in the 50s in one and it all sounds so sweet and elegant!

Eltonjohnssyrup

Oh yeah, I loved my dress! It was knee length with lace sleeves - very retro and exactly what I wanted. I was just so lazy with it all and left it really late

A bonus of buying from ASOS was that I got student discount on it

I had the opposite, I hate shopping but I loved wedding dress shopping.

Well saying that the first shop was weird. The changing room consisted of a “curtain” that was tacked from one wall to another. In the “changing room” were lots of boxes and a huge window looking down on to the busy high street below. The staff would just walk in and didn’t give you any privacy even though I was half naked mean while the owner talked very loudly how he was going to Ibiza with his boyfriend and how he has thrown his 14 year old daughter out for sleeping with a boy.
If you picked a dress from there the staff would stop what they were doing, come over and ask “Are you ready to say yes to the dress?”

The place went bust and the guy left many a bride and groom in the lurch a few months later. So glad I didn’t get my dress from him.

The second place was completely different, the staff were lovely, they had proper changing rooms, staff gave you privacy and they made me feel amazing when I was trying on dresses. I found my dress there.

Maybe it’s different if you go to lots of places. I can see how that would get frustrating.

I really like the dress you’ve (maybe) chosen, Harriet

I went with my sister to choose her dress and found it a surprisingly nice and relaxed experience - they brought us champagne and left us to browse for a little bit. The dresses were all clearly labelled with the designer details and prices, so she could avoid trying any outside of her budget. The third dress she tried was the one she settled on.

I’m recently engaged and have just seen a dress in a magazine (and then online in a few other photos) that I’m certain is the one for me. I know exactly what I want and it’s the only dress I’ve seen which ticks all the boxes. I know what suits me and I want to buy it, but nowhere seems to have it in store to try on, so I’m not entirely sure how best to get hold of it. There are a couple of boutiques near me which stock some dresses by the same designer. Forgive me if this is a stupid question, but does anybody know if it’s likely I could order the dress through one of these stockist shops even if the specific dress isn’t one they have?

I can recommend a dress maker in the South East. PM me if you are interested. She recently told me that you could make a dress to suit most budgets and she was happy to provide advise and tell people to buy elsewhere and get her to make amendments if it was more cost effective for the client.