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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think choosing your wedding dress is not the magical experience I have been peddled?!

319 replies

HarrietKettleWasHere · 29/01/2018 21:48

I chose my wedding dress this weekend.

I don't feel joy. I feel relief that I may never have to go through that experience again Grin

I went on my own because I always shop on my own. I am no virginal slip of a bride that I thought I required a chaperone (32 and well...I had a lot of fun in my youth Grin) and I know what I like. Also I'm NC with my mother at the moment and my best friend just blindly says I look lovely in everything, even the time I looked like a Creme brûlée at our sixth form prom.

I paid £10 before I was permitted to look upon the dresses. This was supposed to include a glass of fizz, but the lady had run out, so I had a tap water.

The lady was nice, but even though I told her what I wanted, she brought me lots of netty monstrosities 'just to wow' me Hmm they did not wow me. I looked like the toilet roll lady my Nan used to have in her loo.

I normally wear a size 10. Some of the dresses in a 14 wouldn't do up Blush why do they cut them so tiny?! I have a little bit of Christmas pork to lose but still...

I found the dress I loved. The price tag was £1800 Shock I'm wondering whether to just put a down payment on it, which seems like a good ideajust so I never have to repeat this process ever again Grin I am horrified at that amount of money, but it was truly the only one I thought 'that looks amazing even though my hair is stuck to my face, I'm not wearing the right underwear and I've just bloody well had enough'

It looks like it's a lovely magical experience on TV!

When my friend got married last year, she went to a place where you ring a little bell in your changing room, to signify you had found 'the one' (dress, not fiancé, I presume Confused) and all the other brides to be would come and ooh and ahh at you.

I unfortunately burst out in scoffing laughing when she told me that, and she didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. So while that was not the experience I was aiming for, I was hoping for...oh, I don't know a bit of enchantment! fizz would have helped

Was I expecting too much?Grin

OP posts:
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Beamur · 29/01/2018 23:25

I bought a nice white frock from Phase 8 😄

JaniceBattersby · 29/01/2018 23:26

Honestly, I’d just chalk it up to a bad experience and start all over again. Don’t be spending that kind of money on something that doesn’t absolutely bowl you over.

Is there anyone you could take dress shopping who will give you an honest opinion? A straight-talker from work? A male friend? A cousin?

Find a bridal shop that is not up its own actual arse (a smaller one in a pan area not massively affluent) or ask for recommendations here if you post what vague area you’re from. I’m not a girly person and rarely wear dresses but loved choosing my dress.

Or what about going to the wedding show? Not sure when it actually is tbh but I did go many moons ago when it was at the NEC. I hate shit like that normally BUT there are literally hundreds of dresses on rails at all kinds of budgets and you can just try on the ones you really love with no pressure for a sale.

(Oh, just looked. The wedding show is in February.)

JaniceBattersby · 29/01/2018 23:28

And I second what bunbunny said. I got my dress from a shop that had bars on the windows run from an end terrace in Leicester. The lady running it was a real diamond. Try somewhere more up your alley.

Original poster
HarrietKettleWasHere · 29/01/2018 23:32

I do live in London but wil be getting married in my east-coast hometown. The shop was there. I don't know much about it other than it's been there a really long time and you're supposed to get a glass of fizz when you book to try on (SIL did!)

Funnily enough though of all the styles and designs I did try, all the Ronald J ones suited me best. I've got long legs but a short body and their styles did seem to work.

OP posts:
ForgivenessIsDivine · 29/01/2018 23:36

Arse to paying for the privilege of being among the dresses....

I LOVE your dress and if you felt awesome in it with your hair plastered to your face then.. DO IT!

I fell in love with a coat that was 2,000 and I would have needed to buy a dress instead. I found a lovely dress maker who made me a coat that 'nodded' towards my Mum's wedding dress and a beautiful, perfectly fitting simple dress but a tiny part of me wishes i had bought the coat...

ForgivenessIsDivine · 29/01/2018 23:39

PS: buy yourself a bottle of champagne tomorrow, choose a night and have it with your fiance which refusing to talk about the wedding or while doing some frivolous bits of planning.... Enjoy it a 100 times more than if you had been with stuffy ladies in the shop telling you to stand on a bloody box!!

Amanduh · 29/01/2018 23:41

You had to pay to look at the dresses?! 😱 I didn’t have the bell ringing experience but I did have a nice, chatty, happy browse and try on with my mum and aunties, a glass of champers and no hard sell. I didn’t need alterations either because it fitted perfectly. My lovely nanny paid for it because she thought it looked so good, and it wasn’t extortionate. A local boutique and a lovely time had by all!

Yeaididthat · 29/01/2018 23:41

Plenty of lovely second hand bargains to be hadSmile

yorkshireyummymummy · 29/01/2018 23:43

I thought it would be a wonderful experience, even as a fat bird.
It wasn’t.
Nobody told me how difficult it can be to get into a wedding dress.
Nobody told me how fussy the ladies can be over the dresses.
Nobody told me the white gloved wearing ladies COME INTO THE HUGE CHANGING ROOM AND DRESS YOU.
And nobody, nobody told me to ensure you haven’t dragged on a pair of grey pants with a hole that the “ladies “ will gasp in horror at.
( in my defence they were my comfy pants. I wore them as I assumed I would be getting undressed a fair bit and I wanted my comfort pants on.)
I also had on a matching (ie grey) bra too. I felt obliged to buy an eye watering lay expensive dress just so they understood I wasn’t a grey pant wearing Oik.
But frankly, I found the whole experience a PITA and felt massive relief when a found a dress that the ladies told me looked nice and was what I wanted. ( I wanted a silk dress. Ended up in a duchess satin two piece. But after the grey pants I just did as I was told)

What I never understood however - or questioned - was that they measured every fucking highly embarrassing millimetre of me, dress apparently ‘ made to measure’ and it still cost me over £300 for alterations!! 15 yrs ago! Those grey pants turned out to be very very expensive...........

Go to oxfarm or buy something beautiful from monsoon,
That’s what I would do if I had my time again.
Bloody duchess satin. I reckon it made me look fat!!!

poisoningpidgeysinthepark · 29/01/2018 23:43

I went into one wedding dress shop. I asked the lady for a dress that wasn't so white white you'd need sunglasses and didn't look too much like an ordinary wedding dress. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't think we cater for people like you here." I never set foot in a shop like that again and hired a dress online.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 29/01/2018 23:46

Urgh, I went with a friend to try on for her wedding. One boutique was nice, one was pushy and I felt embarrassed as an observer as she fended them off.

I've already decided, should I ever get hitched, that I'd rather spend the money on a stonking outfit and headpiece/hat I actually like and would rewear. I'm not very bridal.

Esker · 29/01/2018 23:51

OP, you sound like a good laugh. With an attitude like that hopefully you will find wedding planning generally fun and lighthearted. It's the idiots who fall for the princess/ day of my dreams narrative who end up feeling stressed out and disappointed at every turn.

Dresses are dresses. Cakes are cakes. Flowers are flowers. If you find one you like enough, great! I cannot fathom people who shop around trying to find the PERFECT thing in each instance. As if anyone notices / cares!

Amanduh · 29/01/2018 23:51

lulaannbridal.co.uk/?product=ronald-joyce-hadara-69216 Also, it’s in the sale in a few places if you contact them to order and then get it altered locally, it will save you a few hundred quid!

Smurfy23 · 29/01/2018 23:57

I hated every minute on it. At one point I was going to go in my pyjamas and honestly could not have cared less.

I know my figure, I know what suits me and what doesnt so to have some gobshite Id never met before telling me to try a dress on when I knew Id look like a moron in it, squeezing it on and looking like a prize bell end did not fill me with joy.

Never ever ever again. Ever.

Original poster
HarrietKettleWasHere · 30/01/2018 00:01

Amanduh that's the dress! At £500 cheaper Shock the lady in my shop swore blind it wasn't going to be entered into any discount as it was this season!

OP posts:
seasidelife · 30/01/2018 00:04

I spent about 15 seconds in a wedding dress shop, panicked and bolted... Horrible, Horrible, Horrible!! I made my own. The wedding fairs and shows were better and usually have free cake!!

GreenTulips · 30/01/2018 00:07

There's a size 8 one on eBay from April 17 wedding - not this season

IHaveACuntingPlan · 30/01/2018 00:07

I have never set foot in a wedding dress shop. I've never been a bridesmaid (the weddings I've been to haven't had them) and for my own wedding I bought a bhs bridesmaid's dress off the peg. It only cost about £60 iirc. The thought of being dressed and manhandled and cooed over brings me out in a cold sweat!

There is a wedding dress shop next door to the club I visit every monday night. They change their display every few weeks and I look at them as I walk past. Some look lovely but what I've noticed is that the styles are all more or less the same: ivory and strapless with a sparkly bodice and a sweetheart neckline, all made of what appear to be very similar materials etc.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 30/01/2018 00:15

500 quid cheaper and in three lengths so no need to shell out for a boy to stand on!! You could get a lot of champagne for that!!

Original poster
HarrietKettleWasHere · 30/01/2018 00:17

Amazing!!

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/01/2018 00:28

I bought mine back in the early 90s. I went to a local dept store bridal section and found The Dress first off. I went with my Mum, and she made me try on a few more just to be on the safe side. Then we did a day in London, at Pronuptia, Selfridges and possibly one other place but can't remember which one, and my Dad came too. Didn't find anything better than the first one I'd tried on (which was also in the sale), so back I went and got that (I'd put a hold on it for a few days - can't remember if actual money changed hands or not, but possibly not - the lady was VERY helpful and lovely).

None of this poncing around, oohing and aahing nonsense - I couldn't be doing with any of that, it would have driven me nuts! AND I didn't have any bridesmaids so didn't have to deal with them for bridesmaid dresses either. Grin

Original poster
HarrietKettleWasHere · 30/01/2018 00:30

No, no bridesmaids here either Grin

My best mate will be an unofficial MOH but apart from pouring the off glsss of champagne and helping me do up my dress on the day she has bugger all duties and she can wear whatever. No way I'd go through this again for bridesmaid dresses!

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/01/2018 00:42

"no need to shell out for a boy to stand on!"

I LOVE this typo! now have visions of a page boy kneeling at the altar for the bride to step on... Grin

Rhodielicious · 30/01/2018 00:43

Just to add to the warning re: light-in-the-box: My friend used for her bridal gown and our bridesmaid dresses. The bridesmaid dresses were just fine, but the colour swatch was a bit off. The bride was NOT happy with the level of detail on her gown and ended up spending £100 for a local seamstress to improve it. (To be fair, it looked gorgeous when finished! And with extra £100 was still probably only £300 all in!)

crunchymint · 30/01/2018 00:50

I tried to persuade DP to apply for Don't Tell the Bride, but he wouldn't. I wanted to just turn up with everything done and paid for.