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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give neighbor internet password?

712 replies

NegansDollFace · 29/01/2018 21:21

I’ve lived at my current address for 3 years, 4 in November 2018. The house next door is split into two flats, one upstairs and one down. So I’ve never been particularly close to my next door neighbors. We exchange (limited) pleasantries if we see each other and they’ve taken in a parcel for me once and I for them a few times. They work night times and there’s a bit of a language barrier so we legitimately don’t have any relationship beyond polite.

Tonight when I was at our local supermarket when I saw neighbor from the upstairs flat, I smiled an acknowledged him but moved to go to the self checkout. He followed and began a conversation asking how I was, fine, fine but when I ask him how he is he tells me not so good. He goes onto explain that downstairs neighbors have moved out and took their internet with them. I can already see where this is going so he asked if he could have my WiFi password and that he was willing to pay for it. I was put on the spot so I told him I’d speak to him when I’m home.

I’m home now and really am hoping the fact that I haven’t gotten back to him will speak for itself. What would you all say/do? I have incredibly bad social anxiety and I’m very awkward in these situations. Am I BU to just tell him no? And feel like he’s being cheeky? Surely if he shared internet with the flat below they’d have told him they were moving so he’d have time to get a different provider? Also if he’s willing to pay to use mine wouldn’t it just be easier to get his own installed?

OP posts:
PilarTernera · 30/01/2018 13:29

These people are not your friends and they are not reasonable or trustworthy.

If their response to not getting what they want from you is to make an indirect threat (by mentioning your dd) and then bang on the wall, they are clearly arseholes. Even more reasons to say no.

AHungryMum · 30/01/2018 13:32

What @geekymummy just said!!

There are no good reasons why they would want to do this and pay you rather than just get their own broadband.

They are cheeky, presumptuous and trying to coerce you. I don't like the banging on the wall, which is brazen intimidation, but I also REALLY don't like the way the female neighbour wouldn't accept no for an answer and said they'd give you until the evening to rethink your position and then tried to put you on the back foot by bringing your daughter/her health issues into it. You didn't need until the evening to think about it - you'd already given them your answer!

I totally agree with whoever suggested a preemptive strike with the landlord, just so the landlord knows in advance to expect some
dirty tactics by the neighbours.

I suspect the neighbours have potentially already worked out that you are reserved and conflict-averse and thus got you pegged as someone who will do anything for a quiet life even if you aren't comfortable with it. Don't set a precedent with them that they are right.

Really sorry you are having to go through this; as others have said, you are totally in the right here and your neighbours are arseholes.

Big hugs from me. Xx

ohfourfoxache · 30/01/2018 13:37

Keep a record of EVERYTHING - just in case

Baffy · 30/01/2018 13:38

I hope you're ok OP - horrible situation and definitely two CFs!

I echo this advice from earlier in the thread...

I'm only on page 3, but wanted to weigh in as I'm concerned about your situation OP. Apologies if this has been said... Do you have a landlord? You may want to send a message letting them know that the neighbours made this suggestion demand twice, and then implied that they could hear your daughter at night suggesting a possible complaint if you didn't agree. That way if they do turn around and make trouble for you with the landlord, the LL will be already aware of the situation. Just a thought...

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 30/01/2018 13:41

They seem to think they’re entitled to your Wi-Fi. How rude.

Ginger1982 · 30/01/2018 13:51

I actually don't understand in what scenario they think they are entitled to your internet! Is it provided by your landlord for all the flats or personal to you? Don't do it!

nc1984 · 30/01/2018 13:58

Log everything. The request, the second request and implied threat re noise from your daughter, the banging on the wall. I'd go so far as to ring 101 and log a complaint of intimidation and harassment.

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 30/01/2018 14:02

I hope you and DD managed to get some sleep last night. I also hope you reported CF neighbours to landlord.
Flowers and Cake

Pinky333777 · 30/01/2018 14:02

No need for excuses.
Just tell him no and direct him to the local library where they provide free internet access and WiFi.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 30/01/2018 14:06

Don't wait until they tackle you again. Just pop a note thru door saying that you have been advised not to share your password. No further details required

esk1mo · 30/01/2018 14:06

god this is infuriating, how disgusting are they! banging the wall!

im nice and polite but i love telling CFs where to go. id be telling her if she bangs on the wall again ill break it down and slap her. Grin

Sostenueto · 30/01/2018 14:08

For goodness sake say No! He's only a neighbour. He has a cheek to even ask! Let him get Hus own, you owe this person nothing!

Demiguisee · 30/01/2018 14:10

When our WiFi went down, our neighbour in the flat above gave us his code so we could use it. We don't really know him and it was really kind of him. Luckily our internet came back on a day later so we've not used it since. If he'd said no, I wouldn't have been pissed off as I don't think I'd like giving mine out for all the reasons listed above. I don't think I'd even have asked anyone in the first place for their Wifi, it was my partner.

Demiguisee · 30/01/2018 14:12

And yes, banging on the walls for not getting their own way is vile behaviour. Flowers

Demiguisee · 30/01/2018 14:13

And threats!! FFS.

expatinscotland · 30/01/2018 14:15

They have strayed into harassing you.

duckyquackers · 30/01/2018 14:42

Fuck that. Bullying wankers.

Op I really feel for you, I think I'd be the same practising what to say, getting myself worked up about it.

Definitely don't give the cheeky wankers the code, they could be using it for anything.

If they don't have a good credit rating, then they can go to a cafe and get access. Not your problem.

Stand your ground op, they'll get bored eventually.

milliemolliemou · 30/01/2018 14:48

So what have you done OP?

Please email your letting agency and ask the landlord to intervene.

You have been threatened. Write down the conversations and dates and if they bang again record it on your phone if you can, if not dial 101 to record harrassment. Email again.

Just don't give away your wifi password.

Original poster
NegansDollFace · 30/01/2018 14:51

Hello,

Little update as I’m out and today has been particularly horrid since we’re all sleep deprived. I’ve been trying to catch up on everyone’s advice and will certainly do so once the school run is done.

Some note I never once considered giving our password it or considered it reasonable. I’ve said I do have quite bad anxiety and MH issues that can make me doubt my own judgement. When I was caught on spot I needed a little clarification.

I have recorded the banging. Managed to get decent enough quality on my phones recorder. NDN’s DP did come back at 8:00am this morning just as we were all leaving. She wanted to catch us before the school run as they’re just that desperate. I had practiced my speech. Which consisted of points that I wasn’t comfortable and that my provider forbids such a thing because of the massive security risks it poses. I was able to recite it with a few pauses and stuttering, I felt like I was going to implode from the sheer pressure and awkwardness.

NDN’s DP went on to say that I didn’t have to tell my provider. It would be our secret. I said no that didn’t nullify the security risk. This is when she got angry and essentially said I was accusing them of being criminals and doing ‘dodgy internet things’.Hmm I told her this conversation was over and headed to my car. She followed, still saying that I was being ridiculous accusing them and that they were offering to pay. I told her if that was the case then she lost definitely could pay a provider for the actual service. Closed car door and drove off due to us almost being late and I didn’t think I could take much more.

Small note this might seem dramatic to some but in my position with my anxiety and issues it took a lot out of me. I would love the luxury of being able to face things like this normally without repercussions to my self esteem and MH.

OP posts:
bakingdemon · 30/01/2018 14:52

No way should you do this at all. No way. When we sold our last place, the buyer asked us what our arrangements with internet were as she'd always shared with neighbours before and assumed we'd done the same. We replied along the lines of "as grown ups, we pay for our own internet and so should you"

sparklepops123 · 30/01/2018 14:55

Some people are just unbelievable ! Good luck to you ! Oh and well done for not giving in

lovelystar · 30/01/2018 14:56

I already posted futher back OP but am rooting for you Flowers they sound like horrible people and I think you're doing amazingly well in how you are handling it. Would you be able or would it help for you to contact your old neighbours and see if they were the same with them?

trulybadlydeeply · 30/01/2018 14:57

Well done OP. I don't think you are being dramatic at all, I would feel quite shaken after an exchange like that.

Do keep recording anything untoward such as the banging, or anything else.

Nousernameforme · 30/01/2018 14:58

Well done you. I have had GAD for ages and I know how difficult something like that must have been. Try now not to keep replaying it. Hopefully that will be the end of it.
Hell if they are that desperate plenty of places do free wifi or they can get a pre paid dongle

sonjadog · 30/01/2018 14:58

You tackled it really well this morning, OP. Well done.

I'm about as relaxed and easy-going a neighbour as you can get, but there is no way I would share my WIFI password with one of my neighbours. Beside the security risk, I don´t want to end up with a slow connection myself because they are busy online! They can order up their own WIFI. Also, their behaviour would kill any goodwill I might have towards them.