Researching/viewing universities with one twin, refusing to do the same with the other?

[BigSandyBalls2015]

Two DDs (17), year 12. One works hard, is motivated, has a clear(ish) view of what she'd like to do as a job - I'm helping her research unis and we're finding out about open days etc.

I've just told my other DD that I won't be doing that for her - she's still in bed! It's gone 2pm in the afternoon and I'm feeling ragey. She had one lesson today which she should have gone in for this morning but she said it wasn't worthwhile, she'd benefit more from being at home and studying ...... well that hasn't happened, as I knew it wouldn't. She's in bed glued to laptop and phone .... youtube shit, not studying.

She's now got the hump that I've told her to forget about uni, absolutely no point in wasting our weekends/taking time off work to look at them when she's so damn lazy and unmotivated. If she did manage to scrape a levels and get on a course what is the point of her ending up with a huge debt if she'd spend most of it in bed, missing lectures, or out on the piss. She's already said that uni appeals for the party side of it. No way am I funding it, or part funding it, as I understand most parents have to top up loans etc.

And breathe.

I'd turn the internet off but I'm working from home .

You are describing me and my sister at 17 her (though she is 3 years older than me). She scraped through her A Levels with low grades, preferred clubbing with her mates to studying and ended up (via cleaning) at a not particularly great ex poly.

I was a very diligent and hardworking A Level student, got my predicted grades and got into my first choice Russell Group uni.

Fast forward ten years... both of us are teachers earning the exact same salary. Me (English), her (Drama).

I’ve since left and become a SAHM. She now works with refugees in the community.

So you never know how this might all work out!

*CLEARING, not cleaning

Just wanted to add I was massively depressed through my teens and early 20s.
I went out loads.
However I always felt shut about myself and didn't think anyone really liked me.
I also didn't realise I was depressed.
I just thought I was crap at everything and lazy. I had SUCH low self esteem.

Hopefully your dd is not depressed.
But it doesn't affect everyone the same.

Also, I later went back to colledge, then uni (was end of first year when I finally went to gp).
Had some CBT and medication.
It's now 15 years later, I'm not far off 40 and whilst I am re visiting CBT at the moment, I am happy, fulfilled in my work, have achieved far more than others thought I would and have a gorgeous 3.5 year old and a wonderful OH.

I was quite lazy at Sixth Form - I was too busy socialising & having a great time! I ended up going to uni via Clearing - worked my arse off once there & graduated near the top of my class. Almost failing was a real shock to the system - esp when all my friends had their acceptance letters. I agree with a PP that university visits may encourage her. She may realise that there’s more to life than lazing around at home - which of course will be no fun when all her mates are away at Uni. I don’t mean to be harsh, but if she thinks an apprenticeship is beneath her, exactly what level of job does she think she’ll end up with if she has no qualifications?!

OK, so university isn't for her. Lying in bed watching people coat themselves with makeup is not an option either.

She doesn't need to know her lifelong career options ( who does?) But a plan for the next year or so is needed. If shed like a long holiday, fine - better get a job and start saving.