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AIBU?

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Original poster

School banning pupil relationships detrimental to education.

70 replies

welshmist · 28/01/2018 22:36

A Headmaster at a Welsh school has said that relationships should be banned because they are detrimental to a pupils education. I didn`t have a serious relationship in school so feel unqualified to comment, is it a good or bad thing do you think.

"Controversial headmaster warns pupils he'll give them 'worse university references' for having boyfriends or girlfriends
Toby Belfield, principal of Ruthin School, has asked staff to keep a list of students in relationships and warns they can look for another school come September"

www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/controversial-headmaster-warns-pupils-hell-14191653

www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/pupils-human-right-relationship-ruthin-14213653

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Original poster
welshmist · 29/01/2018 13:09

So are the British morally bankrupt, it seems the head has attracted overseas parents who like the stance he projects.

He added: “You will be unsurprised to hear that the recent news about ‘no teenage romance’ has resulted in an increase in applications to the School from overseas parents that want their children educated in a top academic school, that has a Principal with strong moral values and a firm stance on behaviour.”

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IJoinedJustToPostThis · 29/01/2018 13:11

There's already been a thread about this somewhere...

SleepingStandingUp · 29/01/2018 13:12

School has a role in ensuring relationships don't interfere during school time. He has no rights beyond that.

S he is openly admitting he will give false references to Universities?

windchimesabotage · 29/01/2018 13:19

fully ridiculous. At that age that type of thing only makes relationships more intense. Nothing like forbidden love to send teenagers nuts.
Its terrible parenting to 'ban' relationships and widely accepted that it only serves to make those relationships stronger which is much more damaging as I do agree that at that age relationships should be casual not all consuming. It just makes them more exciting and also makes it more difficult to talk about them openly and talk about any problems. It puts a divide between life and love that causes some teens to eventually have to choose between the two and they dont always choose wisely.
I was in a very intense relationship when i was 15 with a guy my parents hated and forbade me to see.
Guess what, instead of doing my A levels at 16 I just left home with this guy I wasnt allowed to see and moved halfway across the country with him. Never returned.
I was a good student and could have done my A levels. So from my experience I honestly think banning relationship makes them MORE of a distraction from school rather than less..

demirose87 · 29/01/2018 13:23

He would never be able to control it. How would he even know who was in a relationship and who wasn't? They can do what they like out of school time. As long as not acting inappropriately in school and letting it affect their school work, he has no power.

artisancraftbeer · 29/01/2018 13:26

I agree with windchimes. I had a steady boyfriend in the 6th form and we split up at University. It wasn't a life changing romance, but it was useful relationship practice.

It also meant that I actually got on with my work rather than trying to pull/ going out all the time.

Original poster
welshmist · 29/01/2018 13:29

demirose, if you read the article you will see he is insisting the staff report anyone who they think is in a relationship. He does have power he can expel them which he has said he will do. Which to my mind is devastating when you think of them doing GCSE`s or A levels. Some future school is going to have to pick up the pieces.

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JayoftheRed · 29/01/2018 13:31

I had my first boyfriend at 13-15. We were steady for 2 years. He was a large part of the reason I dragged myself out of bed every day! I started learning the violin so that I could be in the school orchestra with him (could already play music so it wasn't a huge step). I still play to this day, 20 years on.

I think rules like no snogging or whatever on school premises, fair enough, certainly no touching in class. But to ban relationships completely? No way. Education isn't just about what we learn in the classroom. Education is also about relationships, how to treat others. a lesson this teacher clearly missed...

Greensleeves · 29/01/2018 13:31

Sadly this is the kind of desperate, grandstanding "leadership" that the current crisis in education is producing

the scum is rising to the top

Original poster
welshmist · 29/01/2018 13:32

demirose, of course he can control boarders, he states he is in loco parentis. The day pupils are a different matter.

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DeleteOrDecay · 29/01/2018 13:34

Ridiculous. Teenage romances are a part of growing up for many, I don't see how this can be policed.

Quietwhenreading · 29/01/2018 13:36

My DH and I got together as teenagers and have now been together for nearly 30 years.

We shared lots of the same classes but it had no detrimental impact on our studies. Why should it?

Our parents knew about our relationship and supported it, we spent time with each other’s families at weekends and on holidays etc.

I’m slightly disturbed he views teenage relationships as immoral. Confused

If my D.C. were at that school, I’d move them because in my view the Head is focusing on the wrong things.

iklboo · 29/01/2018 13:38

he states he is in loco parentis

He's loco, alright. Is he familiar with the plot of Romeo & Juliet?

RandomDreams · 29/01/2018 13:39

He's having a giraffe surely?

Expelling students and giving false references? Hmm

wakemeupbefore · 29/01/2018 13:43

Parents, forking out substantial amounts of money to keep offspring at school would clearly expect said offspring to drill the books, gather the knowledge, lap up the wisdom etc ad nauseam, not canoodle with another spotty hormonal teen.

Original poster
welshmist · 29/01/2018 13:45

ok here is the e-mail, I am concerned that teaching staff that act as mothers and are expected to earn the students trust are expected to do this. Not just for sexual exploits but other problems they may have and now be too scared to come forward and talk to said teachers.

School banning pupil relationships detrimental to education.
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Original poster
welshmist · 29/01/2018 13:48

wakemeup. Are the children supposed to be appreciative of what sacrifices their parents made. As a child I had no idea what my parents had done for me until I was well into adulthood and a Mother to boot.

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Mummyoftwo91 · 29/01/2018 13:49

I met my dh at secondary school, 11 years later we are still together and we both got great gcses

SaucyJack · 29/01/2018 13:53

I don't think he's gone about it the right way, but I can appreciate trying to maintain decorum at a mixed sex boarding school isn't always a walk in the park.

Probably easier to ban it outright. What's the alternative? Letting the Y9s get to first base. Y10s to 2nd.... all the way up to full sex in Y13?

I doubt he gets many complaints from parents paying 34,000 a year for a top level education.

wakemeupbefore · 29/01/2018 13:54

I said money, not sacrifice, massive difference there. You pays your money you expects junior to be immersed in learning. Not loving kisses of netball team.

Original poster
welshmist · 29/01/2018 14:02

wakemeup, but does offspring appreciate the 34k a year and what it costs to earn, mine is excited about his Saturday/holiday job payslip when it comes in because it seems an enormous amount to him. Grin

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wakemeupbefore · 29/01/2018 14:05

Some do some don't surely. Doesn't change the parental view though.

user1485342611 · 29/01/2018 14:23

Yeah, I agree with SaucyJack.

He hasn't explained himself very well, and he's taking a bit of an extreme view, (university references etc )but I can understand in a mixed sex boarding school that there has to be very firm ground rules about relationships, sexual behaviour etc. I think stating that there can be no physical stuff (kissing, snogging and upwards) on school grounds or during anytime when the pupils are under his care and authority is fair enough. Having boyfriends or girlfriends during holidays, at weekends and so on is really none of his business and is up to parents to monitor.

Original poster
welshmist · 29/01/2018 14:23

But as a parent whose child boards, how can you enforce their personal lives and their emotions. Teenagers are complicated enough when they come home every day.

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UsernameInvalid66 · 29/01/2018 14:29

I was all set to say he's being ridiculous, and in any case how do you define a relationship and how's he even going to know who's having one, unless they're all over each other in class?

Then I noticed it was a private school. In that case I think to some extent it's a matter between the school and the parents. Nobody is ever forced to send their children to private school, let alone any one particular private school. Some parents might share his disapproval and be happy to pay for them to go to a school where there's a disincentive to form relationships. If any don't, they can always stop paying the fees and send their children to a different school, maybe even a state one, where as far as I know such draconian rules don't usually exists.