School banning pupil relationships detrimental to education.

[welshmist]

A Headmaster at a Welsh school has said that relationships should be banned because they are detrimental to a pupils education. I didn`t have a serious relationship in school so feel unqualified to comment, is it a good or bad thing do you think.

"Controversial headmaster warns pupils he'll give them 'worse university references' for having boyfriends or girlfriends
Toby Belfield, principal of Ruthin School, has asked staff to keep a list of students in relationships and warns they can look for another school come September"

www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/controversial-headmaster-warns-pupils-hell-14191653

www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/pupils-human-right-relationship-ruthin-14213653

students that have ANY sexual contact in School will be immediately expelled - with absolutely no 'second chance.'

Now what kind of message does this send to girls (and boys) who are sexually assaulted? Keep it quiet and don't tell anyone or you'll be expelled, that's what.

Disgusting headteacher.

That had never occurred to me safariboot, it might be a disincentive for a young person in case they were expelled. Teenagers see things in black and white don`t they.

Think this head master needs to learn the difference between education and schooling. Schooling is just one part of a child's education...much of which happens outside of school.

The most successful people in society are not those with the best qualifications but are people with great social skills. How do you learn those???

Tbh he sounds power mad. Wasn't there something else he was trying to expel kids for the year before. He obviously has an idea about what HIS school should be like. I guess as private he can get rid of anyone he wants but if he does it after fees are paid I hope someone challenges it.

As for false University references, surely that's the for board etc to pick up

It wouldn't be a false reference tho? He wouldn't be lying to say that a pupil wasn't focused on their education, and did not adhere to the school rules or ethos.

TBH I support his policy more after reading the end of the email.

I don't see why there shouldn't be a school available for those pupils who have cultural or personal reasons for wanting a sex-free environment, or for those who want to study for the best grades possible- without having to listen to Tom and Ruby making slurping noises from the other end of the library.

There are 100s of other schools available for those who don't like it.

SaucyJack Mon 29-Jan-18 16:26:09

"It wouldn't be a false reference tho? He wouldn't be lying to say that a pupil wasn't focused on their education, and did not adhere to the school rules or ethos."

So what would he do if he had a pupil who worked hard on their education and had a boyfriend? (not as if it never happens)

Lie and say they weren't working hard?

Or tell the truth on the reference (X is an extremely focused and hard-working student but does not adhere to our no-relationship rule)?- Admissions would laugh their heads off about that!

Universities don't care about your private life. They don't care about whether you identified with the ethos of whatever school you came from, because they know students come from all sorts of different backgrounds and being a credit to St UpYourself simply doesn't mean anything to them.

What they want to know is: are you prepared to work hard? do you have the ability to succeed in your studies? and do you care about the subject?

This headteacher can expect either to be met with hearty laughter- or to have to lie if he wants to make an impact.

If the head called us in and said DCs were not concentrating on their work and falling behind because they were fixated on a girlfriend/boyfriend we would back him up and discuss this with the DCs, however, not sure what we could do beyond that or whether expulsion is the answer. OH would be absolutely fuming if they were expelled for having a relationship.

SaucyJack he stated it would be a worse reference. So worse than if he didn't know they had a bf/gf. So other than stating they don't adhere to specific school rules what else can he add that's truthful?
At that age peer relationships could be equally or more distracting. Teenage girls can be awful. Familial relationships can be distracting. Eating disorders or mental health issues could be distracting.

Absolutely enforce no sexual contact in school - I don't have to visit DH at work for a snog, the kids can last. But even if the relationship is played out outside of school, grades are brill, he will write them a bad reference because he doesn't want anyone who doesn't do as he dictates to do well.

I don't see why there shouldn't be a school available for those pupils who have cultural or personal reasons for wanting a sex-free environment I don't see why are schools shouldn't be sex free tbh. I went to single sex and i'm not really aware of any sexual activity going on within school. Local mixed sex comp may be different but I don't know. However I would expect my DS to not snog his gf/bf in school, to not need to slurp over each other in the library etc. I would object to anyone telling me what he can and can't do outside of school so long as it is legal and consensual

It sounds repressive and authoritarian, not to mention ignorant of normal human development and relations! likely to put off many potential students and parents taking decisions on which boarding school. Except repressive, authoritarian parents perhaps!

It must be difficult for boarders, who may not have friends at home, or if they have to wait until Xmas, Easter, Summer to see them again. They are together 24/7 so intense friendships may well form.

My teenage relationship completely distracted me from my education. I regret investing so much of myself in it now. Teenage relationships can be intense and all consuming.

Yes, but that’s normal, and you were old enough to make decisions about having a relationship.

Or whistleblowing, depending on your perspective.

So is this a mixed-sex boarding school?

The e-mail was in the local paper, a parent may well have made it available. It is a mixed sex school.

www.ruthinschool.co.uk/

The school policy document does warn you before your child is enrolled, so you could not say afterwards you did not know the rules.

www.ruthinschool.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/delightful-downloads/Discipline_and_Exclusion_of_Pupils_Policy_2017_18.pdf

I feel this will have the opposite effect. A ‘forbidden’ relationship will distract students more and make it even more intense than it already is at that age.

Also, I think it is disgusting to imply that, just because pupils are in a relationship, they are less hardworking and deserve a reference to reflect that. I met my DH in 6th form and was incredibly hardworking. I did not lose focus in my studies at all. In fact, he was a bit of a jack-the-lad and being with me managed to calm him down and keep him focussed too.

Just wading through the policies, my Mother would have loved this school, rather like a convent school of her childhood.

He should change his name to Tony Bell-end.

Bet any amount of money that's what the students call him.

I feel like banning relationships will just make the students more excited about their illicit couplings, they’ll love the Romeo and Juliet vibe of having to keep their ‘love’ secret and fighting the odds together etc.

Teens are walking hormones, if they want to snog each other they’ll find a way...

As a parent who pays through the nose for school fees, I would absolutely change schools were the current one suddenly becoming a love-nest for teenagers. There's time and place for everything and school is not where I expect my children to become sexually involved with other students.
Schools have ethos and expected code of conduct and if a pupil is incapable to adhering to those, he or she has no place in said school.
Apparently there are plenty of educational establishments were such behaviour is allowed therefore transfer shouldn't be difficult.

Wakemeupbefore - not sure you can tell students who are 17 and 18 in the sixth form that they are forbidden from friendships of a personal kind. What happens when they go to uni. do they become rampant with all the sudden freedoms they have to the detriment of their degree.

I do know some friends who went bonkers at uni. and were thrown out at the end of the first year because their non-existent social life at single sex boarding school led to them not being able to handle such freedom.

There's time and place for everything as I said; if students at that age are still so impulsive and incapable keeping up acceptable behaviour at school then school has every right to ask them to go elswhere.
Restraint must be learnt somewhere, what would you say if your colleagues started having sexual flings in the office? Unprofessional and most likely damaging to their careers.
It is up to parents and schools to teach children that sexual conduct has no place in school nor workplace.
What students do in their free time during holidays is their choice, however, they must keep to ethos and code of conduct expected at school.